Reply
Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,644
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

Re: Trying to Figure Out How to Ask This..........

 

Oh, just relax.  What makes you think they are getting married?  He's just a boyfriend now; there's is no such thing as people planning to get engaged.  You are either engaged or you are not.  She might hope for an engagment but since they aren't even living together, that is long way off and might never happen.  She's young and if you CEASE and DESIST with the trash talk and the bashing and the hate; she might just realize for herself that she needs to step away from a bad relationship.  Your attitude can only make her dig her heals in to prove you wrong.  So, there's no need to even consider how you will get through a wedding since there are no wedding plans.  Your daughter is only 23 and if there is one thing that 23 year olds hate to do, it's accept that Mom is right.  You hate the guy and I'll just assume you have valid reason but she loves him; so, you need to be smart about how you handle the situation.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,132
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Trying to Figure Out How to Ask This..........

@YorkieonmyPillow  Not worrying is easier said than done. I certainly haven't mastered it. When I'm krazy with fret, I try to regroup emotions and get some positive energy flowing. Trusting good things for your family. 

"I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees." Henry David Thoreau
Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,092
Registered: ‎04-28-2010

Re: Trying to Figure Out How to Ask This..........

[ Edited ]

JeanLake:  I have your 'Be silent, be safe' posted on my bulletin board!  It comes in handy when I can't decide what to say or do.  Sometimes a good, long pause is best.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,462
Registered: ‎04-16-2010

Re: Trying to Figure Out How to Ask This..........

Not to be rude or anything, I hope she is using reliable birth control. It would be a disaster if she were to get pregnant. I would not be agonizing about whether or not you should attend a wedding that might never happen. Don't put the cart before the horse.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,454
Registered: ‎01-13-2013

Re: Trying to Figure Out How to Ask This..........

[ Edited ]

@Chrystaltree@  Chrystaltree wrote:

 

Oh, just relax.  What makes you think they are getting married?  He's just a boyfriend now; there's is no such thing as people planning to get engaged.  You are either engaged or you are not.  She might hope for an engagment but since they aren't even living together, that is long way off and might never happen.  She's young and if you CEASE and DESIST with the trash talk and the bashing and the hate; she might just realize for herself that she needs to step away from a bad relationship.  Your attitude can only make her dig her heals in to prove you wrong.  So, there's no need to even consider how you will get through a wedding since there are no wedding plans.  Your daughter is only 23 and if there is one thing that 23 year olds hate to do, it's accept that Mom is right.  You hate the guy and I'll just assume you have valid reason but she loves him; so, you need to be smart about how you handle the situation.

 

I don't bash him to my daughter. It would only hurt her feelings.

 

And I don't hate him.

 

The reason I think they're planning to get married is because they have discussed their marriage, where they will live, if they will have kids, and how they will be raised, even what school they will go to, and so on and so forth. They have discussed the daily routine things that go into marriage, they say they want to get married in a few years and so, I take them at their word; I have no reason to doubt them.

 

  However, that is a long way off and I agree with you all that I need to chill and not worry about something that may not happen.

 

  Thanks to all


 

Highlighted
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,642
Registered: ‎05-15-2016

Re: Trying to Figure Out How to Ask This..........

[ Edited ]

I would ask your daughter at what point in her life did she deciide that that type of behavior towards her is acceptable. Then drop it. Like others have said, you don’t want to push too hard or it can have the opposite effect. 

 

I don’t know about you but I cost my parents some sleepless nights worrying about my choice of boyfriends. I came to the realization that I was done just taking any disrespect of my emotions, Time, opinions, choices etc  grew out of that need for “love”.   

 

I think most of us have talked about what would it be like.... with boyfriends without it gong anywhere. 

 

Let’s just cross that bridge when ir if we come to it. Don’t let a what if steal your peace. Do your best!!! 💕