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Honored Contributor
Posts: 28,439
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Trying to Figure Out How to Ask This..........

@YorkieonmyPillow

 

If you push, you may lose your daughter.

I guess I mean, if you make her choose between the two of you.

And it remains to be seen how much you will have to tolerate of him.

I'm so sorry this is happening. 💙🙏🏻

Have a Kind Heart, Fierce Mind, Brave Spirit
Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,839
Registered: ‎10-25-2010

Re: Trying to Figure Out How to Ask This..........

Your roll is you are the mother of the bride, should they happen to get married.  The best thing to do is go with the flow.  Don’t be rude or overly friendly.  Just be polite and use your manners.  Treat her “ man” and his mother the same way you would anyone else that you just met.

 

if you go out of your way to be standoffish or rude, you daughter will try to protect them. She will move further from you and closer to them.  Try to stay neutral.

 

i have been there and done that a few times.  My daughter almost married two jerks and she dated them back to back.

 

finally, she came to her senses and decided to break everything off both times..  The first guy stalked her afterward and the second one just moved on...to marry one of her friends.  Their marriage lasted about six months.  He is now on wife number three.

 

The  first one who stalked her is in prison on unrelated charges.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,619
Registered: ‎08-22-2013

Re: Trying to Figure Out How to Ask This..........

I was devastated when my son broke up with his doctor girlfriend after Xmas last year. I knew he was never going to do any better than this woman, she was caring and lovely.IMO When I asked him if I raised a crazy person, he said "Mom this woman and I do not have enough in common to get married". She evidently thought she was getting an engagement ring for Xmas and when she unwrapped a case of wine and a funny Xmas sweater, I guess she knew that was it. I guess my point is, you can't live their lives for them. They know what they want and what they are willing to put up with, it's on them. If you can't go along with the program and be happy for her, just be honest and don't go to the wedding.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,454
Registered: ‎01-13-2013

Re: Trying to Figure Out How to Ask This..........

I wouldn't attempt to talk her out of the relationship and/or marriage - it's too late. She is absolutely in love with him, period; there's nothing to talk about. I've accepted that.

 

I just don't want to have anything to do with him. My daughter and I are fine; we just don't talk about him. Perhaps that is the way it will be handled although I will still have to decide if I will attend their wedding, if it occurs.....

Valued Contributor
Posts: 846
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Trying to Figure Out How to Ask This..........

[ Edited ]

I am so sorry you are going through this.  I know it's easier said than done but maybe try not to worry about it so much at this point since you said a few times that you doubt they will even get married.  I agree with the others who said you have to tread lightly here or you will just push her further into his arms.  And if you make her choose, most likely she will choose him over you.  Good luck with this sad situation.

 

@YorkieonmyPillow

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,395
Registered: ‎07-26-2014

Re: Trying to Figure Out How to Ask This..........

@YorkieonmyPillow

 

"It is on the level of physical abuse although it's not that exactly. But it is that serious"

 

Then report it to the police!  You can do so anonymously if you wish.  Let them decide if the matter should be criminally investigated.

 

Abuse & abusers should not be taken lightly. period!

"Never argue with a fool. Onlookers may not be able to tell the difference."
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,454
Registered: ‎01-13-2013

Re: Trying to Figure Out How to Ask This..........

@Mz iMac   Thanks but there's nothing to report to the police. It wasn't physical abuse.

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,395
Registered: ‎07-26-2014

Re: Trying to Figure Out How to Ask This..........

@YorkieonmyPillow

 

Abuse is abuse!  Does not have to be physical.

Mental

Emotional

etc., etc., etc.

 

All abuses is a CRIME in this country.

"Never argue with a fool. Onlookers may not be able to tell the difference."
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,454
Registered: ‎01-13-2013

Re: Trying to Figure Out How to Ask This..........

I asked my DH (her step-dad) what he thought, and he said he wouldn't worry about it right now because they probably won't even get married.

 

I guess it is a bit soon to worry about. I was hoping that whomever she married would be someone nice that would add to our lives, and someone I could love. I guess I'm disappointed.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,031
Registered: ‎11-24-2013

Re: Trying to Figure Out How to Ask This..........

I feel for you. Just think on this: If you skip the wedding, it will cause a big breach between the two of you and push her closer to him and his mother.

 

I pray for her sake it doesn't happen.