Trying to Figure Out How to Ask This.......... - Page 4

ccassaday · ‎10-21-2010

All you can really do is sit down with your daughter in a loving way and express your concerns. And tell her that if she ever needs to talk you are there for her. Then your job is done. You stay involved with your daughter but that doesn’t mean you have to stay involved with him.

Scooby Doo · ‎03-14-2010

@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:
If they do actually get married - which I doubt - IDK if I should attend the wedding, feeling the way I do. On the other hand, how could I miss my daughter's wedding?

I guess what I'm asking is: am I obligated to have a relationship with, and/or tolerate him because he is married to my daughter?

Yes, you are obligated to have a civil relationship with him IF you want to have a good relationship with any future grandchildren. The children will eventually feel your disapproval and they will side with their dad to protect him. Might as well do it sooner than later. Look further ahead in time to determine how your current feelings are going to affect your relationships.

Perhaps your daughter could use some pre marital counseling.

qvcfreak · ‎03-10-2010

My cousin went away to school and met this awful guy. He did something and she came back home but after awhile she began contact with him again, they eventually married and I’ll never forget on the day of the wedding my aunt and uncle pulled her aside and told her there was still time to back out. They were married and moved back to Fort Worth. After 16 years and 2 daughters, they separated and she came back home, divorced. She was alone for about 5 years and she recently remarried to a wonderful man that had never been married and loves her daughters as his own.

I pray your daughter doesn’t marry this “bleep”

BirkiLady · ‎02-22-2015

@YorkieonmyPillowYou state you and your daughter are close, even though she knows you do not care for him. Why worry about something that may never happen? Give you daughter some credit for her own intelligence. Let her have some time to mature and make those decisions on her own. She may decide to walk away from the situation without any input from anyone IF people MYOB. However, if she does marry this man I would expect you to behave like every Mother of the Bride . . . so suck it up Buttercup! She's your daughter and if you love her, you'll be there with a smile on your face and a lot of support for her from "this day foreward." If she knows you are supporting her, if she ever really needs you she'll be comfortable confiding in you later down the road. If the marriage doesn't work, she'll let you know. If you avoid their wedding, you'll hear about the problems of the marriage from the rumor mill. And you will have cut all ties with any grandchildren which may have arrived in the meantime. Kind of a selfish attitude. Weren't we all young and "in love" for the first time once. Give her time. Stay off her case. Let her make her own mistakes. Life happens. It's not the end of the world. All those mistakes are lessons well learned IF we have parents willing to back us. Listen to your DH and don't worry about things that haven't happened. Merry Christmas!

Money screams; wealth whispers.

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

Don't worry about it , until it happens. (and it might not)

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:
I wouldn't attempt to talk her out of the relationship and/or marriage - it's too late. She is absolutely in love with him, period; there's nothing to talk about. I've accepted that.

I just don't want to have anything to do with him. My daughter and I are fine; we just don't talk about him. Perhaps that is the way it will be handled although I will still have to decide if I will attend their wedding, if it occurs.....

This could potentially be a predicament for sure, but I think you're jumping the gun. They're not even engaged, and a lot can happen in the time between now and an engagement, and in between an engagement and a wedding - if either ever happens at all.

I'm a big believer in dealing with the problems that are in front of me right now, and not anticipating and agonizing over something that might or might not happen. Live your life and if this becomes an issue, you'll sort it out then based on what the situation is at the time. She's young, so it's perfectly possible that this is something you'll never have to deal with. If you have to, you will. But IMO it's not a problem that should be stressing you out now.

jeanlake · ‎03-10-2010

Agree with those who suggest you [try to] refrain from worrying. Something I learned with my children, now adults, is that once we've given our forthright opinions, it's time to Be silent / Be safe. In the interim, I pray and hope for positive outcomes. It's so hurtful when people we care about 'throw their precious pearls before swine." But it's their choice to make. BTW - I also pray harmful people/energy away. Do no harm in your intentions, but it's amazing how this exercise in meditation works.

"I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees." Henry David Thoreau

January121 · ‎03-21-2010

I think you are putting the cart before the horse .... they are not even engaged yet let alone married .... I know whatever he did to your daughter hurts you but, I would not worry about something that hopefully might never happen ... keep trying to talk sense to her & pray that she sees the light ... I wish you well.

YorkieonmyPillow · ‎01-13-2013

@jeanlake wrote:
Agree with those who suggest you [try to] refrain from worrying. Something I learned with my children, now adults, is that once we've given our forthright opinions, it's time to Be silent / Be safe. In the interim, I pray and hope for positive outcomes. It's so hurtful when people we care about 'throw their precious pearls before swine." But it's their choice to make. BTW - I also pray harmful people/energy away. Do no harm in your intentions, but it's amazing how this exercise in meditation works.

Perfect description of the situation! Thank you all for the great advice; I agree I am jumping the gun and I shall refrain from worrying needlessly.....