Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,875
Registered: ‎05-23-2015

@781Florist wrote:

I'm hoping that my brothers Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, the Sultan of Brunai and Jeff Bezos all find out about me before too long.

@781Florist , 😹😹😹😹

" You are entitled to your opinion. But you are not entitled to your own facts."
Daniel Patrick Moynihan
Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,719
Registered: ‎03-15-2014

So many people sharing their DNA in public databases make crime-solving easier, as we see in the Idaho case.  But is it an invasion of the criminal's privacy?  I don't know.  I guess it depends on how much privacy one can expect.   

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,012
Registered: ‎08-01-2019

@QVCkitty1  Yes.  My brother took a DNA test and we found that either my grandfather or greatgrandfather had an illegitmate daughter. Her son traveled from FL to NY and came to a family reunion.  It was a surprise but he was welcomed to the family. 


Of course, we'll never know if my mother or her siblings knew about this. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,209
Registered: ‎04-28-2010

When our DNA is out there, it's 'out there'. 


Floating all around the world. 


No use in trying to 'turn back time'.   (Nice song, by the way.)



'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,572
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@chrystaltree wrote:

This is one of the reasons why I have not and never will get involved with one of those genealogy sites. Several of us have shared with our relatives on both side that we are not interested in anything you find or don't find. In this case the aunt is dead but if she was alive.  Would her decision to place the child for adoption be disrespected, thrown in her face? Would her privacy mean nothing? I have a friend in similar circumstances who is hounded and harassed by the child she gave up for adoption. She thought she was doing the right thing for everyone with adoption. It was a private adoption and all parties agreed it would remain confidential. The adopting parents vehemently insisted on that. My friend was 19 and just wanted her life back. But promises were broken by the parents and the minister who put them all together. He gave out her contact information and she finds herself hounded and harassed by the young woman who wants a relationship with her. She won't accept that my friend doesn't want a relationship with her. Is only her mother biologically. My friend had to tell her young sons before they were ready. She met the girl twice twice but that probably did more harm than good because it gave the young woman....she's about 30 now....hope. So, I do have sympathy for people (almost always women) who have their lives blown apart by such sites. You are right, there are no secrets now.  

But @chrystaltree , this example has nothing to do with a geneaology site.  You said that the minister spilled the beans!

"Breathe in, breathe out, move on." Jimmy Buffett
Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,012
Registered: ‎05-23-2011

@rms1954 wrote:

I don't believe in those; my sister did one without telling the rest of our siblings.  I feel it is an invasion of my privacy.  

How so may I ask? @rms1954 She wanted the information for herself.

You Don't Own Me- Leslie Gore
(You don't Know) How Glad I Am- Nancy Wilson
Super Contributor
Posts: 419
Registered: ‎01-28-2016

Very true.....I have a friend with four adopted cousins....they each researched their birth families seeking at least medical info. One was the result of an affair (married doctor and a nurse), another had teen parents who were addicts, one was born in the south carolina and could find nothing further at that time . The last communicated with her birth mother who ws seeking her ! Her husband had died and she felt free now to find the daughter she gave up years ago. The story: she was in college, got drunk and got pregnant, the boyfriend dumped her. Interesting that both she and her birth mother have similar professions. The mother really wanted a relationship but the daughter felt uneasy about it. This came to light maybe 15 years ago. I wonder if any of them would consider 23 and Me or a similiar test to see if they have any family out there ??

Honored Contributor
Posts: 39,143
Registered: ‎08-23-2010

@Carmie wrote:

@Puppy Lips   No, it doesn't bother me at all.  My friend told me this after her twin passed.


As for as I know, the secret is safe.

I often think the family suspects something.  The guy in question is tall...well over 6 ft and extremely handsome.  His siblings are short, heavy and averge looking.  He stands out next to them.


My friend told me he looks like his biological father whom I have never met and who has since passed.





I think it's safe to assume that everyone knows not everyone had the same father.  Unless everyone has been blind since birth.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 39,143
Registered: ‎08-23-2010


What often throws this off is how times change and scandalous secrets back then aren't the same as they are now.


Years ago, having a child out of wedlock was scandalous and young girls were often sent to Homes For Unwed Mothers.  


People have affairs.


Years ago, a "mixed marriage" was between a Catholic and a Protestant.  



Valued Contributor
Posts: 763
Registered: ‎07-13-2021

Re: Family Secrets

[ Edited ]

For those who are just curious, doing an Ancestry search is a lark or a hobby, but...


For those who were adopted out or even worse, simply abandoned, it means the world.


It means finally having a sense of identity, feeling a connection with other blood relatives, and not just a product of someone's  "awful mistake"


Ask me how I know. Smiley Indifferent