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Valued Contributor
Posts: 826
Registered: ‎01-21-2011

I know this issue has been addressed before, but I just need some extra input.  My niece, who is basically a lovely girl, has never missed a chance for a party for her 3 children.  I mean EVERY chance, for every event imaginable.  We are not or ever been close.  She's lived several hours away for the past 35 years.  She is much closer with her dad's side of the family than my deceased sister's side.  I have not seen her in 2 years although she has been as close as a couple miles from my home several times in the past few months.  Not even a text.  Well her youngest is getting married--I've seen him maybe 3 times in my life.  Naturally I got invited to the shower- 3 hours away- and the wedding--6 hours away.  My husband has had numerous health issues for a year now which she knows about because I am close with her sisters.  There has never been any inquiries about him.  I sent my regrets and a gift for the shower and got a very cool response from my niece.  I RSVP'd that we wont be at the wedding.  Feeling as I do, how horrible a person will I be if I send no gift for the wedding?.  Money is not an issue, I'm just tired of handing out gifts to people who wouldn't know me if they were standing next to me. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,600
Registered: ‎02-04-2014

Re: Shower/Wedding Invitations

Boots ... your story seems to be the norm with families spread for hundreds and even thousands of miles away.  In my day, you married the boy in your hometown, now it's the one you met in college, and then settling where the most money can be made.

 

I receive invitations from those three hours away, I send a gift, with my regrets and life goes on.  Perhaps the invitations are sent so no feelings are hurt knowing the 'invitee' probably will not attend.   I am no longer a people-pleaser, I think of my well-being first.  You are doing the right thing especially for your husband's sake.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 677
Registered: ‎08-23-2010

Re: Shower/Wedding Invitations

If you don’t want to send a gift then don’t . It’s really that simple and you have no need to feel guilty about your choice. You said that she never really put forth any effort to make time for you. So let it go. Personally, I’ve never let stuff like that bother me, regardless if they are family or not. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,220
Registered: ‎10-26-2010

Re: Shower/Wedding Invitations

 

I wouldn't send her a gift. I wouldn't have given her a shower gift either.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,403
Registered: ‎05-01-2010

Re: Shower/Wedding Invitations


@Daisy Sunflower wrote:

 

I wouldn't send her a gift. I wouldn't have given her a shower gift either.


@Daisy Sunflower.  I was just going to post the same thing. I would have RSVP'd both invites NO and thrown them in the trash

Valued Contributor
Posts: 761
Registered: ‎06-01-2010

Re: Shower/Wedding Invitations

Since she has not stayed in close contact, over the years, you should just consider the invitation as her way of letting you know that her child is getting married. I wouldn’t bother to send a gift or attend. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,341
Registered: ‎04-19-2010

Re: Shower/Wedding Invitations

Feel confident in your decision, @bootsanne!  


-- pro-aging --


Rochester, New York
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,546
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Shower/Wedding Invitations

Personally, I would not send a gift. You really don't know this person, haven't been close through many years, etc. I certainly wouldn't feel guilty about anything - I'm over trying to please others.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 826
Registered: ‎01-21-2011

Re: Shower/Wedding Invitations

@Peaches McPhee  I failed to mention her second child-a doctor- will be getting married next year.  And this girl is an absolute snot.  Well, I'll deal with that if I'm still alive.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,458
Registered: ‎02-27-2012

Re: Shower/Wedding Invitations

@bootsanne

 

You DID already send one gift....I think that is lovely of you considering the circumstances and quite enough.

 

You were kind beyond what they seem to deserve already. 

 

If it were me, I would not send a second gift for the wedding.