Community Chat

[faeriemoon]

What did the "cool response" say?

Sometimes when we feel bad/guilty we read more into things than what was intended.  

[151949]

If I feel something is a gift grab I do not send a gift but if I feel the invitation was sincere I do. Only you can decide.

[Love my grandkids]

@bootsanne The invites, both of them, are nothing more than GIFT GRABS!!!

Don't send a gift!! Don't offer any excuse or reason.

Her behavior speaks for itself.

And DON'T APOLOGIZE for not attending. Send a nice card and nothing more.

I can't stand people like this. I have a cousin like this and we ignore her the same way she chose to ignore us for the last 40 years!!

[ShowMe]

I re-read the OP's post.....it is the groom that is a relative.....not the bride.  Apparently the groom's family gave the bride's family a list of those they wanted to invite.  

Don't think I would even respond to either the shower or the wedding....they are what I consider DISTANT RELATIVES.....

[Ruby Laine]

@bootsanne, I agree with the majority, and you should have no guilty feelings. Did you get a thank-you note from your nephew or his fiancé for the shower gift?

[Imaoldhippie]

You wont be a horrible person for not sending a gift.  What, like its going to make them contact you less?

[mimomof4]

You are a family member not matter how distant so that is why you were invited.  For many that is considered proper etiquette.  As you said your niece throws parties for everything so she is just continuing the tradition. 

When invitations are sent out it is not expected that everyone will accept.  Don't feel guilty if you don't attend the wedding and don't send a gift.  The couple does not know you and actually will not notice.  If your niece thinks poorly of you too bad for her.  She hasn't taken the time to get together or speak with her.

[ROMARY]

'To begin with', I wouldn't have sent her a shower gift.  A nice congratulations-wedding card, yes.

[chrystaltree]

This is easy.  You have no relationship at all with kid who is getting married.  You could pass him on the street and neither of you would recognize each other.  You have only the faint remnants of a relationship with the mother.  In our family, we call them "wedding and funeral" relatives.  That's what you are to each other.  Let the shower pass, no gift is required since you aren't going to the shower.  Honestly, they don't expect you to go to the shower anyway.  Send your regrets to the wedding but you can send a gift or gift card, depending on your circumstances and how much you want to pay.  In a situation like this, I would send a $50 American Express gift card and gorgeous card.  You could buy one of those big vases or punch bowls at Marshall's or TJ Maxx.  Some that costs $25 or $30 dollars but looks expensive.  That would make a lovely gift.  We are invited the wedding of a good friend's daughter, her 3rd wedding.  The last one was 4 years ago.   I love the girl, she's my older daughter's bff but we gave her wedding presents, $$ ones twice already.  i found a crystal platter that is actually quite lovely.  It will coordinate with any decor and it costs me $30.  I gave up playing the gift game with "wedding and funeral" relatives quite some time ago.  I think as civilized people we have acknowledge family even distant family but we don't have go their gift giving events or spend a lot of money on them.  

[libbyannE]

It sounds as if the niece will offend you either way: if she invites you, you are offended. If she did NOT invite you, you probably would feel slighted, too. She gave you the courtesy of an invitation, so all you have to do is say yea or nay. Send a card, yes, but the gift is your choice. I have a distant niece, too, but it isn’t her fault or mine that she has never lived within 1500 to 2000 miles of us. Don’t take things so personally.