Re: Rudeness from stranger. What would you do?

Anita Hug · ‎03-22-2015

Sometimes people have no idea how loud they are. One of my friends talks extremely loud - to the point that I have to put in an earplug and turn the volume way down on my phone when I'm speaking to her. I've tried to gently tell her that her voice is uncomfortably high, but she doesn't take the hint. I've found myself making excuses to limit my exposure to her because I can feel my blood pressure rising as she speaks.

Yet she's always telling me stories of how other people are so rude to her. And it's always things like "The cashier told me to calm down, and I was just trying to be friendly!" Or telling me how nurses walk out of the room and saying that they don't have to put up with that. Or the looks people constantly give her, etc.

She doesn't realise how offputting it is when it sounds like she is screaming at everyone. She is also very expressive with her arms and hands, and often points at people while she is yelling at them. I can totally see the other side to her stories, and can imagine all these people going into defensive mode because she seems so abrasive and in their face. Yet, to her, everyone else is being hostile to her - for no reason.

I've given up on trying to tell her how she comes across. She's not hearing impaired as far as I can tell. I know that she doesn't mean to be that way. But she has absolutely zero self-awareness even though she has been told every which way possible by those close to her. I like her as a person, and care about her. But sadly, I can only be around her in short sessions.

There is no question that the man in the gym handled himself horribly. And I have no way of knowing if you were loud. But when someone I've never met snaps at me, for whatever reason, I try my best to let it go. They might be going through something imaginably difficult. We don't know. I know that I've had my share of bad days, and I hate to think of how others saw me during those times.

AnotherView2 · ‎06-19-2011

@chrystaltree wrote:
First, there was nothing at "random" about this. I'll begin by saying that it was wrong of you and your friend to stand by the treadmills, in a small gym, holding on a long conversation about this and that. It wasn't a simple "Hi, how are you", you had quite the conversation going. The man was 100% correct, you should have gone off and had your conversation somewhere more appropriate. I do think he was wrong and rude when he yelled at you. I do think, since you don't seem to be aware of gym etiquette, that he should have asked if you could move aware from the treadmills. You know....since when you were talking....you weren't actually using a treadmill. You were wrong in answering him back, that could have been dangerous. You didn't know him. You had no way of knowing if he would get physical. Don't you read newspapers? There are lot of gyms out there, they are a business and my guess is that the gym did not want to alienate either of you. Since you were both wrong and it seems both pretty obnoxious. So they didn't. Nothing actually happened. Usually in gyms the "rules" are posted and no talking talking and socializing at the machines is in the top 3. You have to keep things in persective, of course. I'm guessing you and your friend were loud for a small gym. If the two of you were on adjacent machines and conversing in a low tone, that would have been a whole different thing. You wouldn't have been disturbing anyone.

I was walking 3.3 mph and she was standing in front of treadmill while we talked. She walked out of a class and was surprised to see me there during the day.

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@AnotherView2 You've given this man two days of your life now. Forget him!

JJsMom · ‎03-10-2010

You handled it the way I would have. I wouldn't risk getting killed over something like that. If he blows a gasket over people talking, who knows what he's capable of. It's a gym, not a library. It's ridiculous to expect to not encounter minor annoyances in public spaces. I don't like to hear talking or be talked to while I work out, so I bring earphones. I couldn't imagine yelling at a stranger to shut up. I find that disturbing.

If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. ~ Desmond Tutu

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@AnotherView2 wrote:
@Deanie wrote:
@judy0330 wrote:
I think you and your friend did exactly the right thing. There are so many unstable people out there so why take the chance of antagonizing him further? Hopefully the gym management dealt with him. It was their responsibility to do so -- not yours.
I would go to the gym management and clarify what the rules of the establishment are regarding a situation such as this. I would also report the incident to the management. I would make certain to do that right away, becasue I am sure that it has video as most gyms do today. I would point out this particular person to them. And, I would never turn your back on this man. Recal Maya Angelou, "When someone reveals themselves to you, believe them the first time."
Oh, I told them exactly what guy it was and I also believe he is what he showed himself to be...someone who couldn't explain himself without raging. I will go back to the gym at nights again because I haven't ever encountered someone like him before and I just don't want to deal with him.

@AnotherView2

So maybe the guy just had an argument with his girlfriend and wanted to exercise and blow off some steam. So what?

Your behavior was also obnoxious, but I'm still not sure you understand that yet. I hope you have learned to be more considerate to those around you and not assume people want to hear your conversations. Time and place for everything.

AnotherView2 · ‎06-19-2011

@Laura14 wrote:
@AnotherView2 You've given this man two days of your life now. Forget him!

The best advice yet! I'm out....

THANKS!

QueenDanceALot · ‎04-18-2013

I will say that I do NOT like listening to other gym members' loud conversations but I just don't think I would ever tell one of them to "shut up". I don't go to the gym at peak hours as I can't stand the crowds. I want to get in, do my workout, and get out. I'm all business at the gym. I'll say "hey" to people I know there but I don't get into big conversations with them and hog equipment while doing so like some people do. That's annoying, too.

As are people who walk around the gym with their faces stuck in their cell phones, oblivious to those of us who may be trying do something that requires walking through an area of the gym while holding a weight (walking lunges or farmer walks, for instance). I will say "watch your back!" when these types just stand there ignoring the person with the barbell overhead. I want to say, "Person with the weight has the right-of-way"! but "watch your back" usually works pretty well (even if it doesn't suit them to have to take themselves and their phones out of the middle of the floor.

There can be a lot of annoyances at the gym and many members don't have any idea about gym etiquette. But you can't go around being rude to them or they'll just make your time there miserable.

Gram W · ‎01-22-2013

I am glad that man #1 did not speak up at the time. This could have greatly made #2 more mad and possibly lead to more than a verbal confrontation. #1 did the right thing by talking to you and offering to be your witness. Today we do not know who to trust. People who appear to be nice are not. I am sorry to say we are raising our children in a very crazy world. We can no longer feel safe in the neighborhood we grew up in.

queendiva · ‎03-12-2010

@Tinkrbl44. That may be your fear; it's not mine. Laughing in this situation has always given me the upper hand- especially with rude men, who do not know how to respond.