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12-21-2014 07:16 PM
DARING GREATLY
While I know it is not easy to do it the way I suggested, I have found over my lifetime that for me that is the only way that this will work. I am pretty much known as a giving person, but I never allow anyone outside of my family to control any aspect of my life. And this includes my Adult Hockey League which I have ran now for 52 years.
Have had to make some decision regarding friends in connection with my hockey league rules and unfortunately it cost me their friendships. I have rules of how I want the game to be played and "anyone/everyone", friend or no friend, has to abide by the same rules. Those decisions were/are never easy for me, but I put myself in the position of: judge/jury and executioner by running this league all by myself and doing it my way.
I know this is bothering you and I wish I had a easier solution for you.
My best to you and yours. Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
12-21-2014 07:40 PM
You can also say that you don't always/often check your phone messages (same as me/I, BTW). Just say that you've been busy with paperwork, etc. and that everything is o.k. with you. Just in case she asks. p.s. I don't bother to answer my landline because of the telemarketers, and also, because I'm usually on another floor and/or in the bathroom, laundry room, or basement. I only answer my cell phone, which is easier to carry up and down stairs because of the wrist strap.
12-21-2014 07:42 PM
Lots of sage advice here. There is so much truth to the adage, "You teach people how to treat you."
12-21-2014 08:47 PM
Thanks everyone for your great advice. I called her back and nicely told her I've been busy and am fine, but I have a lot to do and it's a busy day for me. She said to me, "Please come over so I can show you something." She doesn't give up easily.
I didn't even respond, I nicely told her I needed to go. It was hard, but she's getting very difficult.
Where are her kids? She doesn't hassle them like this, she is always making excuses for them.
I appreciate all the advice.
12-21-2014 09:20 PM
If she is going to make excuses for them, it isn't your job to take over their responsibilities.
That just enables her to keep making excuses.
Do or don't do as much as you want to.
Take care.
12-21-2014 10:08 PM
While you're certainly under no obligation to visit or talk to your neighbor, I can't help but think taking a few minutes for her would help this lonely woman a lot. It's a sad situation that her family ignores her and if you feel you should do the same, that's certainly your choice.
12-21-2014 10:18 PM
On 12/21/2014 adelle38 said:While you're certainly under no obligation to visit or talk to your neighbor, I can't help but think taking a few minutes for her would help this lonely woman a lot. It's a sad situation that her family ignores her and if you feel you should do the same, that's certainly your choice.
I call her every day and spend 30 min. or more on the phone with her. What happened today was she was demanding me to come over and not very nice about it and it bordered on harrassment calling me 4 times and demanding me to tell her where I was. She has to understand, I cannot come and keep her company every day. I am out of work, I have a lot of issues I'm dealing with. I have called her every day, even when it has been inconvenient for me. Today, she was not kind and expected me to drop what I was doing to come and visit with her.
I'm not ignoring the woman. I give her more time and love than her own children. She needs to understand that others have a life too and be grateful for the times I do spend with her.
12-21-2014 10:40 PM
Your neighbor should get out and about where there are others her age whom she can talk to, etc. She obviously doesn't have a life, and so you have become it. Stay strong!
12-21-2014 11:47 PM
I have found that one should only be on speaking terms with neighbors. There are a lot of people like this who will take advantage of your kindheartedness. I have been through it myself, so I know how you feel!
DON'T feel guilty!
12-22-2014 12:35 AM
It's time to set boundaries. You are a neighbor, not family, and your association with her should be based on your schedule, not hers. You said she is elderly which leads me to believe she may be lonely and just wants to talk with someone. I'm sorry that her immediate family does not visit with her often but that is her problem, not yours. Don't feel guilty when/if you don't return her calls or talk to or visit with her on a daily basis.
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