On 3/8/2015 isaboo said: I don't know if my sister and 2 brothers were raised with expectations other than to stay out of trouble and work hard. I started working at 15, went to college and bought my first house when I was 28 and single. My husband and I have about the same upbringing.
We have one son who just turned 21. He does not seems to lack motivation and the desire to want to do well for himself. He has a part-time job - this was allowed if he goes to school but he is only taking one class and isn't really committed to it. It seems that he isn't motivated to do better ? I don't understand this at all as I was just the opposite. I'm really frustrated with him at this point and have talked and nagged so much that now we are kind of at odds with each other. I don't know what I can say or do at this point. This is the tiime of his like where he needs to be preparing for something. I am so disappointed because I had better expectations for him...
I feel your pain. I have a son who is in his last year of high school, and is very motivated and hard working, but stumbling a little to find his way in the next step. He thinks he knows where he wants to go, but we tend to disagree (minor) on how he should approach getting there. He has been very strong willed about the approach, and I think it is not the best path for what he wants to do.
What I am going to do is this. I believe that he needs to be better educated in his field. And for that, he can go to a college, or he can get in the industry and land a position where they teach and certify (educate from within) him (ideally both things need to happen, and we both agree on that, it is just how and when each is to occur that seems to divide us).
Should he, in the next couple of months decide to enter the workforce, and not be in a position where he is either in college, or in a certified training program within the industry, I will give him 6 months to get it together. During that time, we will provide for him just as we always have. After 6 months, he begins to become responsible for himself. He already paid for and maintains his own phone and car, but insurance will be his responsibility next. We also will not buy clothing, shoes etc. He will be given a three month time frame in which to find a place to live, or start paying rent to us. We will, over the course of one year, require he transition to being totally independent.
It is amazing what kids can and will do if you won't do it for them. They might not do it how you would, or in your time frame, but I'm in the 'sink or swim' mode of parenting when it comes to adult children. We do them no favors tolerating them being' lost' or 'finding themselves'. There is plenty the parents of adult children can NOT do, to help their kids move on. Don't enable, don't finance, don't ease up on expectations.
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