Community Chat

[sfnative]

On 3/7/2015 muttmom said:

My parents were loving and worked hard to give us a nice lifestyle. My sibling and I were expected to do well in school, go to college and graduate in 4 years, marry and have a career and family.

When I was a junior in high school I developed cancer and had my leg amputated. It was made abundantly clear this was only a minor setback. I graduated with my class and went on the college, married, raised a family and had a career.

((((((HUGS))))))

The same thing happened to a boy I went to school with. He went on to become an attorney and I recall dancing with him at our 20th reunion.

You're both a testament to moving forward with life and I so admire you both.

[MarieIG]

Yes.

[sfnative]

On 3/7/2015 Irshgrl31201 said:

Yes, my parents did have high expectations for both my sister, brother and myself. They weren't over the top but they absolutely expected us to do our very best. We all had chores that we had to do such as keeping our rooms, bathrooms and common living area clean. We were expected to have good grades and do our very best in school. We didn't have much time to lay around and there was no sleeping til noon on the weekends. My father really drilled into us the importance of being able to support (the girls) ourselves without having a man to do so. There were no girls/guys chores. He wanted us to know how to do stuff and fix stuff that a man would usually considered to do.

He really showed us about finances and with our allowances we were expected to set up a budget and show it to him and our plans for the future with that money. He was very serious about us learning how to save for the future and retirement even if that was a small amount.

My parents were very involved, present and loving parents but they were not pushovers. We had nightly discussions at the dinner table and current affairs and both of my parents wanted to teach us about the world and how to do the most to contribute to it. They were very big on saying if you aren't contributing to the world then you are taking from it. He wanted us to be compassionate. He had a saying that he ALWAYS said, "It is literally true that you can succeed best and quickest by helping others succeed". I don't think that was his quote, I think it was someone elses but that is something he really lived by. While my father was a competitive and ambitious person, he really had no time in people who were out for only themselves.

One weird thing is I have three really good friends who I grew up with from the age of 12 until today and 44 and we still remain all very good friends. There were 2 girls and 1 guy and we were together all the time. Each one of these 3 came from completely dysfunctional families were they literally raised themselves and their parents weren't around very much at all and all three of these people had so much drive and ambition. It is pretty unbelievable because all three really beat the odds.

Nice thread! I am really happy that you had your grandparents who obviously loved you very much and pushed you because they knew you could achieve so much!

Irshgrl,

How blessed and fortunate you were/are. It's when I read such accounts that I know there really are successful families out there. Thank you for taking the time to share your positive story, as it's a great turnaround from the plethora of netativity hanging over our heads of late.

[ROMARY]

No expectations whatsoever. Thank goodness (for me). Love how it all turned out. Couldn't have asked for more. I have no desire to be anything more or anyone else.

[ms traditional]

yes - in my family there were high expectations we would do our best and put in the time. which was good because it never occurred to me or to my sisters that any door was closed to us. i learned to go for it pre women's lib. i learned that to those to whom much (intelligence, being born here) was given, much was expected. it has served me well.

[Pook]

Only the expectation that I would be honest, work hard, treat others with respect and speak up for those who were being treated unfairly and not just walk away because if didn't affect me. It has served me well in life.

Going to Catholic school, the only expectation from that was that the girls would grow up to be good wives and mothers and I'm sure glad my parents didn't adhere to that philosophy and never pushed for me to marry and have kids like most of my friends parents did!

[terrier3]

Interesting question!!!

I think each of my parents had different expectations for me. My mother was a beauty - a model, jazz singer and at one point a back up dancer for Mae West. Appearances and "marrying well" were #1 with her. I didn't enjoy makeup or doing my hair - it led to lots of strife. I had ONE date in high school and that was it!

My dad came from a foreign country as a teen, got an MBA and a CPA and went on to a great career. He emphasized education.

Going to a small private girls high school probably influenced me the most. Nardin girls were expected to get advanced degrees and get jobs. They didn't even teach typing when I was there in the 70s...the nuns said that Nardin girls should have secretaries for typing. There were no cheerleaders - Nardin girls were supposed to BE athletes, not cheer them on from the sidelines!

Expectations were strong to get into great colleges. My class included MDs, lawyers, two state Supreme Court justices, an ambassador, a senior editor at the NY Times, the CEO of a local utility....lots of women who had marriages, children and great careers. At least I got a master's degree!

The camaraderie and encouragement of an all girl's school made all the difference in my life. Girls were expected to do anything and everything a man could do - and do it better...and to always reach for the stars.

[AngelPuppy1]

My father passed away when I was very young. So, there was just my mother to deal with everything. We had not much money and really being successful was not really discussed. Surviving and going out in the world and getting a job and just taking care of yourself was the goal. I have to admit that I was not particularly encouraged to strive for better. Just to survive and not be a burden to anyone. I never had much self-confidence in myself and do not to this day. I do not blame how my life has unfolded on anyone, but do wonder at times if my life would be different had I received more encouragement and guidance in this aspect. I think letting a child know from early on that they can excel and achieve anything they want and be successful if they just work hard and apply themselves is so very important.

[irishmama5]

I was born in the 50's one of 6 children, No high expectations. My Parents just wanted us to be happy, good citizens. To do the best we could. They instilled an awesome work ethic. We all had 12 years Catholic schooling. I had a great education. No pressure to go to college. Many including myself married before 20. All but 1 of us went on to college All doing good.

[Karie2022]

On 3/7/2015 tansy said:

I was expected to not embarrass my mother and that was about it. The advice I received frequently was to marry a rich orphan. She did not like her MIL.

That was about it for me also...very low expectations...I was expected to graduate high school and get a job...luckily I had more ambition on my own and went to college and had a career...I wish they had higher expectations like they did for my brother...I guess they figured I'd just get married and have kids, which I did also, but much later...