Community Chat

[spud188]

Some of you were certainly fortunate to have come from such loving, solid, grounded parents.

[Demitra1]

My parents raised us to assume we would go to and graduate from college. The rest was up to us. Three of us did graduate, the other had about two years of college then went to the Air Force for four years. On the flip side, I know a family that has/had absolutely NO expectations for their son other than he make touchdowns and/or baskets. Lots of tardies, absences, no curfews, running around constantly, etc has become his life. I cannot understand it. There is no way he will finish college, or I dread, actually hold down a structured job. And by structured, I mean getting to work on time and consistently. So, so sad and uncalled for. It has gone against my grain from the get-go, but I've had to stand by and watch it all happen. Yes, I tried the best I could, early on, to give some guidance but was meet with indifference. (Close family.). So, obviously I feel strongly that there be expectations when raising kids.

[VioletEyes]

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[Financialgrl]

Yes, we had rules in our household - we could work during the summer but during the school year that was our job and education was stressed. We'd come home from school and have to get straight to homework before anything else.

My mother died 40 years ago; she'd be 85 today. She and my father dated a long time before marrying bc my father was in college and my mother was attending what then was called junior college for business type courses and once they married, she worked as a bookkeeper outside the home for 2 years until she had children, then was a SAHM.

I was born in the mid 50's - and I remember her telling me that the expectations for girls in her day - get married, have kids and stay home so what she did was relatively rare back then. She did it because by the age of 8, both her father and stepfather had died and she said she saw how hard it was for her mother, as a single mother raising two kids back in the day and she wanted to make sure she had something she could fall back on if/when something like that happened to her.

ETA: I was one of 4 kids - none have been in jail, none had children out of wedlock and all, no matter whether they went to college or not bought homes, have/had jobs that paid their bills - I attribute that to seeing our parent's work ethic, etc.

[Suziepeach]

Most certainly and then some.

[Mominohio]

We were raised with high expectations, and I have raised my son with the same. When parents don't set high expectations, they do a great disservice to their children.

I see many people were raised and believe that a higher level of degree received was important to parents and to you. And while I have very high education expectations, I believe that they don't always surround a degree, often with initials after it. Continuing education, should be a life long goal and pursuit, and it isn't always necessary to be in formal education, but experience works as well. We were expected to perform according to our abilities.

We also had high expectations in the areas of honesty, responsibility, honor, citizenship, community service. While academic achievement, or talents in sports or other extra curricular activities were set individually, based on our level of abilities (not everyone's are the same), the expectations in these types of areas were the same for everyone.

If our parents knew we had ability and interest in an area we were expected to perform to the level of those abilities, and finish what we started. I think the expectation to finish things is being lost by so many people. If, for instance, a child commits to play a sport for a season, they should be made to finish, not quit when they get bored, or someone else is better than they are. If they no longer wish, after that season or level to continue, that is fine, but you will finish what you start. If you sign on for project of any kind with any group, it expected that you will see it through to completion. If you then choose not to participate in that particular group again, you may then move on, but never until what you committed to is finished, and you have done your best at it.

Expectations should never be so high, that people can't achieve at least most of them, they should revolve around what the child's abilities and interests are, and they should not be a substitute for what the parent always wanted or didn't achieve. They should not be punishments for not doing/being what a parent wants a child to be, and they should be vocalized and discussed regularly. Most of all, they should be demonstrated by the parents (i.e. if a parent has high moral expectations, they should set the right examples, if they have high educational expectations, the should show that they are continuing to learn and educate themselves etc.).

[Elstongunn]

Yes, high expectations in academics and ethics.

[colliegirls]

We were expected to go to college, and we did graduate from college. That's a good thing!

[HiLo]

My Dad said he only expected me to do my best which is what I expected of my own children. He himself had only gone to the 6th grade; back then if you came from a poor family you were expected to help take care of the younger ones. In spite of all that my My Dad was one of the most honest, wise and self educated man I ever met. The older I get the more I admire the man he was.

[isaboo]

I don't know if my sister and 2 brothers were raised with expectations other than to stay out of trouble and work hard. I started working at 15, went to college and bought my first house when I was 28 and single. My husband and I have about the same upbringing.

We have one son who just turned 21. He does not seems to lack motivation and the desire to want to do well for himself. He has a part-time job - this was allowed if he goes to school but he is only taking one class and isn't really committed to it. It seems that he isn't motivated to do better ? I don't understand this at all as I was just the opposite. I'm really frustrated with him at this point and have talked and nagged so much that now we are kind of at odds with each other. I don't know what I can say or do at this point. This is the tiime of his like where he needs to be preparing for something. I am so disappointed because I had better expectations for him...