Community Chat

[sfnative]

While out and about yesterday morning, I was listening to the radio in my car and up for consideration was the possible outcomes of having grown up with high expectations versus low expectations placed upon us as we developed. Because I had to exit my car for several hours, the meat of the discussion illuded me.

However, a bit later in the day it occured to me that due to the dynamic in our household (bad marriage) I grew up with no expectations whatsoever. The one exception to that would be those summers when I was shipped off to Michigan to work on my grandparents farm, where it was made abundantly clear that I was expected to succeed in everything that I did.

My journey was led by me and my "drive" to achieve, which I believe was built in. Without this, I would not have achieved what I did. Honestly, I don't think I could have grown up in a high expectations environment. I knew lots who did and didn't fare well (mid 60s).

[Cakers1]

I went to a Catholic school pre-Vatican II. 'nuff said.

[muttmom]

My parents were loving and worked hard to give us a nice lifestyle. My sibling and I were expected to do well in school, go to college and graduate in 4 years, marry and have a career and family.

When I was a junior in high school I developed cancer and had my leg amputated. It was made abundantly clear this was only a minor setback. I graduated with my class and went on the college, married, raised a family and had a career.

[Dell1]

I don't know if one would say I was raised with high expectations but I knew very definitely there were expectatons. To stay out of trouble, to attend school regularly, to get the best grades I could get, and to go on to higher education as my two older brothers did. Without those expectations, I don't know where I would be. My parents who were born in 1914 and 1915 both had college degrees so they expected from us three children what they had already achieved for themselves. But at the same time I didn't feel pressure. I just wanted to please them. I had a wonderful childhood.

[Irshgrl31201]

Yes, my parents did have high expectations for both my sister, brother and myself. They weren't over the top but they absolutely expected us to do our very best. We all had chores that we had to do such as keeping our rooms, bathrooms and common living area clean. We were expected to have good grades and do our very best in school. We didn't have much time to lay around and there was no sleeping til noon on the weekends. My father really drilled into us the importance of being able to support (the girls) ourselves without having a man to do so. There were no girls/guys chores. He wanted us to know how to do stuff and fix stuff that a man would usually considered to do.

He really showed us about finances and with our allowances we were expected to set up a budget and show it to him and our plans for the future with that money. He was very serious about us learning how to save for the future and retirement even if that was a small amount.

My parents were very involved, present and loving parents but they were not pushovers. We had nightly discussions at the dinner table and current affairs and both of my parents wanted to teach us about the world and how to do the most to contribute to it. They were very big on saying if you aren't contributing to the world then you are taking from it. He wanted us to be compassionate. He had a saying that he ALWAYS said, "It is literally true that you can succeed best and quickest by helping others succeed". I don't think that was his quote, I think it was someone elses but that is something he really lived by. While my father was a competitive and ambitious person, he really had no time in people who were out for only themselves.

One weird thing is I have three really good friends who I grew up with from the age of 12 until today and 44 and we still remain all very good friends. There were 2 girls and 1 guy and we were together all the time. Each one of these 3 came from completely dysfunctional families were they literally raised themselves and their parents weren't around very much at all and all three of these people had so much drive and ambition. It is pretty unbelievable because all three really beat the odds.

Nice thread! I am really happy that you had your grandparents who obviously loved you very much and pushed you because they knew you could achieve so much!

[Irshgrl31201]

On 3/7/2015 muttmom said:

My parents were loving and worked hard to give us a nice lifestyle. My sibling and I were expected to do well in school, go to college and graduate in 4 years, marry and have a career and family.

When I was a junior in high school I developed cancer and had my leg amputated. It was made abundantly clear this was only a minor setback. I graduated with my class and went on the college, married, raised a family and had a career.

That is great! Sounds like you had wonderful parents.

[tansy]

I was expected to not embarrass my mother and that was about it. The advice I received frequently was to marry a rich orphan. She did not like her MIL.

[GCR18]

The only expectations placed on us was that we go to college. It was never a choice, we were going and we went.

[daisyk]

On 3/7/2015 tansy said:

I was expected to not embarrass my mother and that was about it. The advice I received frequently was to marry a rich orphan. She did not like her MIL.

That's funny Tansy-

[Lila Belle]

My parents and grandparents all had high expectations for my 4 older brothers and me. All graduated from a service academy except for me who married brother #3's roommate 3 semesters shy of graduation. I felt I let my parents down with my decision to marry but everyone supported me. Ten years of marriage, 5 moves, 2 kids later I have 1 semester left and realized long ago that their expectations were for us to just to find our bliss and follow our passion.

I love and respect them so for instilling in us the desire to pursue a goal and determine our own destinies.