Not Sure How to Handle this Situation - Page 8

Frosted Cake · ‎02-01-2016

@CrazyDaisy wrote:
Just a couple comments/questions.

Is this really a program funded with public funds? While I was out job searching I saw many times various church groups working in conjunction with local government. Perhaps this program is being funded through church funds.

Second, if you are happy with the advise you were getting, ask to work with someone else there. Perhaps someone else in the office can give you a different perspective.

Our local unemployment offices are wonderful resources when looking for a job. They will help with resume, interview techniques as well as leads to employeers who have openings. You do not have to be collecting unemployment to use these services.

Her job is not funded by any church. It's a city gov't job.

Frosted Cake · ‎02-01-2016

@NYC Susan wrote:
@Frosted Cake, I don't think there's any question. You have to report her. She is completely inappropriate, and if she tried to force her own religious beliefs on you then she likely has done it to others and will continue to do so.

I know you said you're kind of afraid to report her. Don't be. There may have been other complaints about her, and your story could actually be very helpful. And if her superiors don't know, then they should! There is absolutely no way that anyone can justify what she did. She's being paid to do a specific job, and she has crossed a very serious line. This wasn't a one-time slip of the tongue. She was intent and determined, and she was 1000% wrong.

I also don't think you should wait. Yes, your job search is important, but reporting her isn't going to take much time. You'll just tell them about your experience and how uncomfortable it made you. I am sure they will be grateful that you came forward.

A few years ago, I was involved in a situation when I was counseling a woman who had been accused by a nasty neighbor of abusing her kids. She wasn't abusing them, but she was investigated, had to put her kids through physical exams, etc. She was a single mom and having financial problems, but handling things pretty well. However, a county social worker showed up at her house one night, proceeded to sit on the couch and tell this woman that if she had Jesus in her life, she would be better able to handle stress and wouldn't be so angry that she would hit her kids! My patient calmly told the woman that she was Jewish, happy in her religion, wasn't angry, and wasn't hitting her kids. But the social worker would not let up, and kept telling her that all of her problems would be solved if she found Jesus. When I heard about this, I was beyond furious! And I reported her. The county agency fell all over themselves apologizing to my patient. They were as outraged as I was, and thanked us repeatedly for letting them know. And then they went above & beyond for her, helping her get thru the remaining paperwork of her case quickly, etc.

You are certainly not as vulnerable as this young mother was, but it's still the same in that what was done was wrong. It's not allowed and it should not be tolerated. IMO ignoring it is the wrong thing to do because if she did it to you, she will do it others, and the next person might be more impressionable and not as savvy as you are. Sorry for the length of this, and if I sound overly-emotional. It just pushed some buttons for me because it reminded me of the experience I mentioned. No one in her position should be inviting you to church in the first place, never mind all the rest that she said. And don't worry - No one will hold it against you if you report it. Quite the opposite. They need to know and they want to know. Just as you and I would certainly want to know if we had an employee who was behaving inappropriately. I would be really upset if this was going on with an employee of mine and no one told me. For sure, I would want to know because that's the only way to fix the problem. (Not to mention that in this case there could be serious legal ramifications for them if they allow it to continue.)

So my advice is to cut all ties with her, and report what happened. Good luck with your job search! It sounds as though you're off to a good start, and I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that you find a job that you love.

NYC Susan,

Such great advice and suggestions. I really appreciate your input. I plan to call today and make an appt with a city official to discuss this situation. It will be interesting to see what and if the city does anything about it.

Thanks for the support and encouragement. I'll let you all know how it goes. I'm nervous, but know it's the right thing to do.

CrazyDaisy · ‎03-20-2010

@Frosted Cake wrote:
@CrazyDaisy wrote:
Just a couple comments/questions.

Is this really a program funded with public funds? While I was out job searching I saw many times various church groups working in conjunction with local government. Perhaps this program is being funded through church funds.

Second, if you are happy with the advise you were getting, ask to work with someone else there. Perhaps someone else in the office can give you a different perspective.

Our local unemployment offices are wonderful resources when looking for a job. They will help with resume, interview techniques as well as leads to employeers who have openings. You do not have to be collecting unemployment to use these services.

Her job is not funded by any church. It's a city gov't job.

Guess I just cannot see a municipality having the funds available to duplicate services that are provided by most state and charitable organizations. Good luck with your job search

Someday, when scientists discover the center of the Universe....some people will be disappointed it is not them.

fortune · ‎03-14-2010

@Frosted Cake wrote:
I really need some advice.

I am in need of a part-time job and haven't worked in many years. I went to my local city who has a program for job seekers. They do resume writing workshops, interviewing techniques, etc. I met with this one lady one-on-one. She is the head of their media dept and she gave me advice about how to market myself now and ways to get noticed on an interview, etc. Her advice has been beneficial.

Recently, she invited me to her church to hear the pastor speak. I have my own faith and spiritual beliefs and just didn't want to join her at her church. But, I didn't think much about her asking me.

I had an interview that didn't go so well. I e-mailed this gal and told her how disappointed I was and discouraged. She wrote me an e-mail response that stated unless I come to her church and accept her God, I would never find my way. She implied that my life and situation would not change until I accepted her view of God. She invited me again to come to her church.

I politely wrote her back thanking her for her caring, but informing her that I had my own faith and spiritual beliefs that I follow. I told her I admired her strength of conviction. She wrote back that she hopes I change my mind and will reconsider and basically said good luck and good-bye.

It's upsetting to me because for one, she works for the city gov't and shouldn't be proselytizing in her role. Secondly, now I feel totally uncomfortable using that valuable resource provided by the city. A friend of mine said I should report her to someone in charge. I don't know what to do. I know she saw me as vulnerable, and I wonder how many others she might have done the same thing to. I don't think she meant any "harm" per se, but it's just not appropriate to cross that line in any organization or government entity.

I respect her for her convictions, but I don't like that my ability to utilize her services in the career development program to be contingent on my spirituality. She is the only one who provides one-on-one support.

I'm still applying for jobs within the city, so I don't know what to do about this situation.

Report her. She should be fired. She is in effect blackmailing you and behaving in a way that makes her unfit for her position.

game-on · ‎03-22-2010

Frosted cake.... I, too, found what NYSusan said to be wise.... searching for a job is not easy.... to have to jump thru religious hoops to get advice is ridiculous! These people that think they are giving others a great gift by telling them all about their religious beliefs are really breaking the law when they are employed by the state... there is a separation of church and state in our country.

I believe in priortizing .... is finding a job more important or reporting this person?

The local library can help you with resources for writing resumes, job interviews etc. One can also search the internet for information.

I wish you the best in your endeavor.

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

@Frosted Cake wrote:
Thank you for all your replies.

I didn't know what to think about all of this.

It's a shame because she did provide good tips in the job search.

She sent the e-mails (which I have all saved) via her personal account, but many times during work hours.

Without getting into how she manages her email or hours at work, the focus should likely remain on the fact that she shouldn't be using her professional status to recruit for her religious institution and she certainly should't be attempting to coerce others into attending services... Personally, I'd just walk away and seek advice elsewhere. I'd try not to separate on bad terms because there is absolutely no guarantee that she'll be let go or that she won't retain some level of authority. When interested in a job with the city, simply apply. Odds are she will not be reviewing applications submitted for every municipal job. It doesn't sound like that's her role. If there's any discreet way to put the bug in someone's ear that she appears to be confusing her professional role with her personal life then I'd do it, but I wouldn't make a big deal of it until I'd been hired and completed whatever probationary period exists.

In my pantry with my cupcakes...

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@twinkies wrote:
Thank her for her help and go your way , you have a right to your own beliefs and faith , She is narrow minded and not really a friend to disreguard your beliefs , Keep looking and do not give up, and use your own faith to guide you , God is fair an dwill follow and help you , God helps those who help themselves , Your "friend " has a misguided thought process about what faith really is , Faith is individual to each of us.
cathy from ma

@twinkies

Sorry, but I don't think this extortionist should get a free pass on this .... what she's doing is illegal, and to tell the OP to "go her way" isn't addressing the real problem here. That woman has NO RIGHT to attach conditions to whether or not she will help @Frosted Cake. What she has done is very, very wrong.

LilacTree · ‎03-25-2012

@Frosted Cake wrote:
I really need some advice.

I am in need of a part-time job and haven't worked in many years. I went to my local city who has a program for job seekers. They do resume writing workshops, interviewing techniques, etc. I met with this one lady one-on-one. She is the head of their media dept and she gave me advice about how to market myself now and ways to get noticed on an interview, etc. Her advice has been beneficial.

Recently, she invited me to her church to hear the pastor speak. I have my own faith and spiritual beliefs and just didn't want to join her at her church. But, I didn't think much about her asking me.

I had an interview that didn't go so well. I e-mailed this gal and told her how disappointed I was and discouraged. She wrote me an e-mail response that stated unless I come to her church and accept her God, I would never find my way. She implied that my life and situation would not change until I accepted her view of God. She invited me again to come to her church.

I politely wrote her back thanking her for her caring, but informing her that I had my own faith and spiritual beliefs that I follow. I told her I admired her strength of conviction. She wrote back that she hopes I change my mind and will reconsider and basically said good luck and good-bye.

It's upsetting to me because for one, she works for the city gov't and shouldn't be proselytizing in her role. Secondly, now I feel totally uncomfortable using that valuable resource provided by the city. A friend of mine said I should report her to someone in charge. I don't know what to do. I know she saw me as vulnerable, and I wonder how many others she might have done the same thing to. I don't think she meant any "harm" per se, but it's just not appropriate to cross that line in any organization or government entity.

I respect her for her convictions, but I don't like that my ability to utilize her services in the career development program to be contingent on my spirituality. She is the only one who provides one-on-one support.

I'm still applying for jobs within the city, so I don't know what to do about this situation.

I can't even comment on this. My response could bring the whole thread down.

My advice is to contact whomever she works for and report her immediately.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

@Frosted Cake wrote:
@jubilant wrote:
@hckynut wrote:
@Frosted Cake wrote:
I really need some advice.

I had an interview that didn't go so well. I e-mailed this gal and told her how disappointed I was and discouraged. She wrote me an e-mail response that stated unless I come to her church and accept her God, I would never find my way.

my advice? none, but i do enjoy reading fiction novels like this.

hnj

******************* Actually, hckynut was not the only one who raised an eyebrow here. That was my first reaction. Surely this woman who worked with op knows she could lose her job if she did this on her computer at work....I mean.... if this woman said what you say her email says than that is blackmail and you have the emails to proove it. Why would you not show these emails to her superiors ...especially if she is refusing to work with you???

All her emails were on her personal e-mail account... with google.com.
She may have e-mailed me while sitting at her desk, but she was astute enough to know not to use her work e-mail. See my other reply about sending her another e-mail to see how she responds.

I have enough problems, I don't need nor have time to make something up for kicks. I feel betrayed and preyed upon.

None of us needs more problems, but the simple reality is that if you aren't willing to risk more problems with regard to this situation then, as many have suggested, simply walk away. Stop ruminating about follow-up emails, playing 'gotcha', or whether or not she's still willing to help you. At this point, what help do you think she can give? If, at some point, you're in stronger position both personally and professionally, you can follow this up then. To do so now could just net you a world of hurt. She might be chastised, warned, or reprimanded, but unless there is a history of problems, most employers have a system of progressive discipline and employees don't tend to be dismissed based on a first offense, unless it's truly egregious. While this might seem egregious to you and others, odds are, it won't be perceived that way by her employer. They will most likely simply document that she is being disciplined and counseled.

In my pantry with my cupcakes...

Frosted Cake · ‎02-01-2016

I wanted to say thank you again for all the advice and opinions. At first, I wasn't sure what to make of this situation. I am generally a perceptive person and trust my instincts. But, I was never faced with something so blatent like this.

I think what bothers me the most is I have been going through a difficult life transition. I'm experiencing depression and worry and fear. I reached out for guidance and direction, which wasn't easy for me. At first, I trusted this lady and felt someone believed in me and my talents. It was a good feeling to have someone in my corner making me feel more empowered.

When the religious stuff began, I was so blown away. I felt used and hurt that someone would have ulterior motives and not be authentic as I believed. It comes down to the trust thing, especially when you're going through a life crisis.

Thank you for reading my post and giving me your wisdom. You restored my trust that what I encountered is not the norm and there was no way I could have seen it coming at the beginning. I find it so sad that people prey on and take advantage of people who are vulnerable and who seek guidance. To use religion like a commodity and a snare to lure someone goes against the beauty of what spiritual life and faith is all about. It's cruel on so many levels. But, then I came here and so many of you showed your concern and understanding.

Thanks for helping me through this.