Sensitive Topic Regarding Mom's Burial

house_cat · ‎03-09-2010

If I remember correctly, over the years, when my Mom's aunts and relatives were laid to rest they were dressed in very fancy clothes. I remember seeing my grandmother at the funeral home and thinking I'd never seen her dressed that like when she was alive. It seemed pretty silly to me, but that's the way it was done.

My dad passed away in February and Mom gave me his only suit to bring to the mortuary. They did a nice job, but again, it seemed kind of phony to me.

Well, now it's time to lay my mom to rest and I chose a brand new lilac sweater set that I purchased for her last spring - she never wore it. Lilac is has been a lovely color on her these past few years. I also chose a pair of light gray pants, and a silver cross necklace that I know she loved.

Well, now I'm having second thoughts. I wonder if I should have purchased a fancy dress for her to wear. I hope I'm not disrespecting her memory in any way.

I know this is a sensitive topic, but if anyone has thoughts on this I'd appreciate hearing them... in a kind way.

Thank you.

~ house cat ~

DoneTryin · ‎03-09-2010

I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like you've had a pretty rough year.

What you picked out sounds lovely.

game-on · ‎03-22-2010

I am so sorry for your loss..... please bury your mom in this lovely outfit. (((hugs)))

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@house_cat wrote:
If I remember correctly, over the years, when my Mom's aunts and relatives were laid to rest they were dressed in very fancy clothes. I remember seeing my grandmother at the funeral home and thinking I'd never seen her dressed that like when she was alive. It seemed pretty silly to me, but that's the way it was done.

My dad passed away in February and Mom gave me his only suit to bring to the mortuary. They did a nice job, but again, it seemed kind of phony to me.

Well, now it's time to lay my mom to rest and I chose a brand new lilac sweater set that I purchased for her last spring - she never wore it. Lilac is has been a lovely color on her these past few years. I also chose a pair of light gray pants, and a silver cross necklace that I know she loved.

Well, now I'm having second thoughts. I wonder if I should have purchased a fancy dress for her to wear. I hope I'm not disrespecting her memory in any way.

I know this is a sensitive topic, but if anyone has thoughts on this I'd appreciate hearing them... in a kind way.

Thank you.

@house_cat

Sounds like a good choice to me.

While I suppose the thinking might be that someone is going to meet their maker and dress accordingly, I'm betting that some family members just want to avoid criticism by those attending the viewing at the funeral home ..... "did you see what they put her in? ..."

A person could have lived a very casual life, and not dressed up a lot, but I can't imagine anyone being laid to rest in jeans and sneakers .... just giving an example here ...

so sorry for your loss.

IMW · ‎06-15-2014

My condolences on your loss. It sounds like you were mom's caregiver and loved her dearly. I believe that any outfit that gives you solace is appropriate.

Funerals are for those of us left behind. What you feel is best, is best.

My dearly beloved deceased mother could not make a decision re my 90 y/o father who had Alzheimer's re a feeding tube. I am an only child,it fell to me. I made the decision crying and mom said you can't make any wrong decision when it's out of love. Her words helped me.

I hope this helps you.

Sadiesadie · ‎08-05-2011

Not sure how you could be disrespectful by picking out such a lovely outfit and color so carefully and with so much love. The love you're putting into it is more important and she would love you for caring so much

spix · ‎04-26-2013

@house_cat So sorry to hear about your Mom, I know you've had rough going recently, just know that she is at peace & watching over you.

The outfit you've planned for her sounds lovely, follow your heart.

You're in my prayers.

PS Lost my Mom 4/11/16 so I know where you're coming from.

embgm · ‎07-02-2014

I am sorry for your losses. When my sister passed away we dressed her in a lovely blue sweater and navy pants. It did cross my mind that it wasn't a fancy dress or blouse. But it was my sister's style of dressing. The blue was a signature color for her because she had beautiful blue eyes. It was an outfit that she would feel comfortable wearing. You did not disrespect your mom in any way. Sometimes while going through an emotional time people tend to second guess themselves. Lilac sounds beautiful and if it was a color that your mom looked good in you served her well. Concentrate on the treasure of memories you have of your parents. Again I am so sorry for your losses. Em

Bird mama · ‎03-12-2010

@house_cat

When my beloved mother passed away in 2010, although she was cremated, she was laid out dressed like she lived. I would know, I laundered and ironed the clothing she wore.

She wore a patterned perma press blouse and a pair of lee khaki pants.

There was no way that I was glamming my mother up. She would have found a way back from the here after and planted a foot in my rear.

My mother looked beautiful and like herself.

There are times when you must speak, not because you are going to change the opposing side, but because if you do not speak, they have changed you.

Vivian · ‎03-11-2010

Please accept my sympathy on your loss. That outfit you chose has special meaning to you. What can be better than that? I told my husband that I want to be buried in the gorgeous dress I wore to my daughter's wedding, even though her marriage ended in divorce. I told him at least I'll get a second wearing out if it. To me, burial in an outfit that holds meaning is the most important criterion. For my father, we buried him with his tennis racquet, a baseball and bat, and a cigar...his favorite things. To me that was the best send-off we could provide.