Among Friends

[Q4u]

I think we've all been there, I know I have.....

Aside from the hurt and pain, he wanted to extracate himself from the relationship regardless how much he said he loves her....   and she must also realize that if one person out of the duo feels they are not quite a match.... then they aren't.  

It takes time to heal and feel better but she (and you) will....  (cliche) better the breakup happens now rather than five years and two children down the road....

After four years, a marriage proposal and plans for the future....  my world blew up as well.  But it allowed me to meet someone far more suitable to me who was my soul mate and best friend for the last 39 years...

Sometimes fate throws you a curve that ends up being a good thing~!

[ValuSkr]

They are on different timetables.  She wants to marry sooner rather than later.  He'd rather wait.  She's lucky he admitted it now, rather than when they were married.  I don't think the situation is so unusual.  As mother, you may feel her pain, but don't exaggerate it like she's the first in the world this has ever happened to - that will make it worse for her.

[qbetzforreal]

That first break-up is always the worse. I remember sobbing to the guy who turned out to the one.  To be a serious couple, both people need to be on the same page and want the same thing. This was not case here.   It does take time for the heart and soul to heal.  Your daughter will one day meet the "one" who wants and shares the same plan as her.

[qvc chick]

PlaidPants - Are you kidding me??  We had the hall picked out??  First of all, I did not get involved in their relationship at all.  He came over to my house quite often, and got along great with everyone.  But they were in love, and she of course would like a future with him.  He claimed he wanted a future too.  That was all she was asking.  She did not say anything about getting married right away.  She met his parents and they liked her as well. 

She is mature for her age (girls usually are) and has a bright future.  She just wanted him to be part of the future too.

[Melania]

Did she date before this one? 

[Plaid Pants2]

http://whttp://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/garthbrooks/unansweredprayers.htmlww.azlyrics.com/lyrics/gart...

This song seems to fit this situation.

Also, don't look at every guy who comes in to her life as being "The One".

That smacks of desperation, and guys can smell that a mile away, and it is a major turn OFF.

[sidsmom]

@qvc chick

What does your husband have to say with the matter?

[Nancy Drew]

It's a part of life. It hurts but in the end he actually did her a favor. She will find the one who wants what she wants. Could you imagine if he never spoke up and faked it all not to hurt her? Now she gets to move on and look for her true love. Have a martini, put some lipstick on and get going. The good times are waiting on her.

[StillFuntoShop]

You both have not eaten for days?!? You have to set an example for her as to not to fall apart when bad things happen! Pull yourself together. Support her and grieve together, yes, but as Dr. Phil says, someone needs to be the hero here, to take control. Do fun things together. Encourage her to volunteer, to be with friends, etc.

He doesn't sound like a bad guy to me. He was being honest and he realized that direction isn't for him now. Better than her pinning her expectations on someone who can't be what she wants. 

[stevieb]

Sad but true, most of us don't get through adulthood without at least one major relationship going south and the only thing that makes it fade is time. Personally, despite the fact that they're both feeling lousy right now, I think he's right. He's apparently targeting his early 30's to settle down and that sounds about right. I can't fathom why folks in their early 20's are in a rush to limit their options.