My daughter is hearbroken

qvc chick · ‎03-10-2010

My daughter, who is almost 23, has been going out with her boyfriend for one year. They got along great, she always said he was her best friend. They were in love. He is a musician in a small band, and she has a good office job. She just started working last year, out of college, and already has a nice nest egg.

They were talking marriage and getting a house. He seemed to be okay with that. He is 24. But last week he started saying that he wasn't sure about their future, that they are very different. Well they are - but it was working.

So she asked if he was breaking up with her, and he said he was very sorry, but he wasn't ready anytiime in the near future to get married and have kids. He said maybe in 6 years. Well, her plan was in a few years. So they both cried and said they loved each other, but he said it is best for her to find someone else, more suited to her. He cried and said he was also hearbroken, but this needed to be done.

SHe is heartbroken. He was her best friend.

How does she get over this? I am beyond upset, as a mom, I feel her pain as much as she does. We both have not eaten or slept in the past few days. Its very difficult.

Any advice would be appreciated!

Buckaroo2 · ‎06-05-2010

As a parent you wish you could wave a magic wand and make the pain your child is going through go away. Unfortunately you can't. It will take time but she will get over this. Just be there for her.

58Meezer · ‎03-21-2010

Perhaps he just had cold feet? They are still young and he may find it difficult to commit. I would advise her to focus on herself, not to bad mouth him or feel bitter. Just to live one day at a time enjoying what is before you. I know it is heart breaking to love someone and they love you.. Perhaps he needs time to figure things out for himself.

She could use this time to focus on herself, improving herself, taking up something new - work on being comfortable in her own skin and not being dependent upon another to make her feel whole. Volunteering, working at her local church can all be fulfilling and help direct her energy.

I am so very sorry, but this is life, nothing is forever - all we have is the present, tomorrow is promised to no one. God bless, be well...

1MrsT · ‎03-13-2010

@qvc chick God bless her and her broken heart. I would imagine all of us have had our hearts broken a time or two, and we've come out of it for the better. But I'm sure she's devastated because he was also her best friend.

Like it or not, she has no choice but to let him go. She can't force him to stay...and if she stalks him or chases him, she'll look pathetic and he won't value the attention. But if she lets him go with her chin held high, he might realize he made a mistake. Or, he'll realize he made the right decision for him...and in a year, she'll realize it was the right decision for her, as well.

In the meantime...life goes on. She'll grieve, she'll hurt, she'll cry...but if she keeps busy, time will pass and it won't hurt as much in a month...and even less in six months.

Tell her the best revenge is to have a better life without him than she would have had with him...and that that is a very real possibility. I guarantee that in 12 months she'll look back on this and be amazed how much her life has changed for the better.

And 24 is kind of young for most men to be considering marriage. Especially for a musician. 💙

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
~ Ian Maclaren

Peaches McPhee · ‎04-19-2010

Oh dear. There is no way for her to get over this, other than let time pass. Of course she is sad; but in time it will fade. In the meantime, she should be allowd to be sad, but at some point she'll pick herself back up and continue on with her life. Support her in her journey.

-- pro-aging --

Rochester, New York

Yardlie · ‎03-10-2010

QVC Chick, I'm so sorry for the pain your daughter is experiencing. As parents, we ache for our children when they are in pain.

My youngest sister married a guy who was in a band when she was young and right out of college. She was so in love with him and his band was quite successful. His band traveled a lot, and she traveled along when she could be off work. Unfortunately, as stable as he seemed, he fooled around with other women on the side when she wasn't around. (She actually ran into another young woman who said she was "dating" him.) Needless to say, that marriage didn't last long.

My niece is married to a lawyer who plays and sings in a band. Same sort of thing happened with him. Fortunately, they worked it out for the sake of their two children.

I'm sure there are many stable marriages where the spouse is in a band, but the environment in which they work places many temptations in front of them.

Maybe your daughter's boyfriend will change his mind. He might just feel that things are rolling along rather quickly. I'll pray that your daughter's situation is resolved in the best possible way.

A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal. ~~ Steve Maraboli

sidsmom · ‎11-25-2011

"We both have not eaten or slept in the past few days."

I understand her connection, but why the strong reaction on the mother's end? Seems like a strong reaction for an 'once-removed'.

This is Life 101. We all have disappointments in love & life.

ETA: And I'm talking to Mom.

ID2 · ‎06-25-2012

Yes, its hard and as a mom you don't want your child to hurt. But my kids have had their share of break ups and heartache. I just told them that the right one for them is out there and to hang tight, they'll find them when they aren't even looking. My oldest just got married (3 weeks ago) and my youngest is getting married next year.

"Pure Michigan"

Melania · ‎06-12-2013

"She had a plan" hmm...he probably felt pressure by that plan.

24 is too young today to get married for many. He knew it and she didn't. At that age they are still experincing who they are and what they like or dislike.

Women are like that...they all want the fairytale.

Most young people wait until their early 30's today to get married as they are pursuing career goals, paying off college debt etc. The have been in school their whole lives and are now on their own in the working world.

She will realize he did her a favor than being forced into marriage when he wasn't ready. Her life would be miserable and better to learn it now.

Melania · ‎06-12-2013

@sidsmom wrote:
"We both have not eaten or slept in the past few days."

I understand her connection, but why the strong reaction on the mother's end? Seems like a strong reaction for an 'once-removed'. This is Life 101. We all have disappointments in love & life.

That statement there says it all. They both had him slotted in to be the one. Yikes.

No wonder he ran. He felt the pressure that many young women place on them.

My children have kissed their share of frogs but we never said a word on way or the other. It's part of life.

They had to find their way...now one is married and the other one will be this summer.