Re: How can I handle this?

deedledeedeedle · ‎05-27-2014

I would just tell her that you are more comfortable meeting with her one on one. There is nothing wrong about feeling this way, btw. She may put you off, or not.

dee

@TX-starlight wrote:
I know this post will sound selfish, & I'm sure I'll get some tacky comments, but here goes.......

I have a dear friend who recently moved a little ways off. She still comes to town to do her major grocery shopping (about 1x monthly). When she comes, we usually meet up for lunch. She has started inviting a couple of people from her former church. I realize she wants to visit with old friends, but I don't enjoy sharing my time with others. This week, she invited a family member.

I know I should be open to meeting new people, but I'm just not interested, lol. I value her friendship very much & would never hurt her feelings. How can I let her know I don't enjoy these others joining us?

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

I agree with you. I would not be able to share personal things, when others are there.

RetRN · ‎10-01-2013

Since you have offered to drive to her location and she has declined I would decline having lunch with her and her other friends in the future. I find it very strange that she wouldn't want you to visit her location, I would think she would welcome you if she were truly a dear friend.

TX-starlight · ‎03-10-2010

Tks to all who has responded. NOW, 1 of the ladies sent me a FB friend request. My friend isn't on FB, but she mentioned her church having a FB page. The other has known I've very active on Fb, but never sent anything until after our last lunch. I don't intend accepting, as I don't like people I don't really know, looking at my stuff, lol.

I belong to a couple of FB sewing & craft groups. People from there send requests all the time. One lady sent several messages. I finally told her I wasn't interested in chatting on FB. I know I sound like a real "B", but I stay fairly busy & don't have time for people I don't know. I also don't trust many people & don't like strangers getting in my business, lol.

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

It seems your friend is avoiding seeing you alone. It could be she's avoiding telling you something or a conversation she doesn't want to have.

If these lunches have been established as just the two of you, it's rude for either of you to include others without asking if it's acceptable to the other.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@TX-starlight wrote:
I know this post will sound selfish, & I'm sure I'll get some tacky comments, but here goes.......

I have a dear friend who recently moved a little ways off. She still comes to town to do her major grocery shopping (about 1x monthly). When she comes, we usually meet up for lunch. She has started inviting a couple of people from her former church. I realize she wants to visit with old friends, but I don't enjoy sharing my time with others. This week, she invited a family member.

I know I should be open to meeting new people, but I'm just not interested, lol. I value her friendship very much & would never hurt her feelings. How can I let her know I don't enjoy these others joining us?

I don't think it sounds selfish. The truth is that, although you want to spend time with your friend, the dynamics are different if other people are included too. Especially if you don't know them. I would handle it delicately because she's probably unaware of how you feel. And you don't want to sound as though you're insisting that she spend all of her time with just you when she comes to town.

I think I would tell her that I always love seeing her, but wonder if maybe she could carve out some time also for just the two of you. Be careful not to sound critical or terroritorial. Since she has friends in town, it makes sense that she would want to see them. Just let her know that you miss having the one-on-one time you used to share.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@ahoymate wrote:
Imaoldhippie:

"Just say no. When she calls with the time and date tell her no thank you I will wait until for a time when it is just the 2 of us."

Oh, that will go over well. My way or the highway is not going to go over in a positive way. Surely, you don't do this to your friends?

I agree. That sounded really harsh. Friends should be able to effectively communicate with each other. And compromise. And be flexible. One person's desire doesn't automatically take precedence over the other.

blackhole99 · ‎08-22-2013

It would be interesting to know if you did make arrangements to see your friend in her new location and she asks you to bring her other friends and family along. It really does sound like your friend is all about maximizing face time with her friends since the move.She's no doubt not interested in one to one, I would ask her and just find out where you stand.