How can I handle this? - Page 4

ECBG · ‎01-08-2011

@haddon9 wrote:
I don't think you're being selfish at all. You value your friendship with her and want one on one time together. I understand. However it's not easy but maybe you could mention that you hope when the two of you get together next time it's one on one?

I had something similar happen to me...but still a bit different. Someone that I'm friendly with but not close friends changed plans to include others when I thought it was just going to be the two of us taking a one time cooking class. All of a sudden she invited six additional women...none who I knew to come along ...and what fun we would have!

While I don't mind meeting new people, I should have known upfront that was her plan. It annoyed me that she did this and I felt it was rude.

@haddon9 I had something happen very similar. I had a friend whom was very dear. We had been friends since we were 14! We have helped eachother through all of the hard things in life.

The two of us were going to meet for dinner along with my first cousin whom she grew up across the street from. We sometimes invited him and that was fine. She also invited another man who had grown up on the same street.

The extra monopolized the entire conversation and kept it on politics, which I hate to discuss. The evening was horrid!

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@TX-starlight What if you invite her to your house for tea/coffee/dessert after lunch? That would provide one-on-one time.

If she isn't interested, I think it is what it is.

GCR18 · ‎07-03-2013

I think I'd talk with her and suggest a different day for lunch. Stop the grocery day lunch. Pick another day and meet half way.

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

@ECBG That does sound awful!

It also reminds me of the time when my very small book club (4 of us) invited a mutal friend to join us one time and she monopolized the conversation too!

AngelPuppy1 · ‎03-13-2010

Why not set up a time where you go to meet her? Call her up and be honest with her. Just say, I understand completely that after moving you want to spend time with many people as it's more convenient this way and you are happy that she includes you. But tell her that you miss getting to talk and spend time with her one-on-one. Maybe you two could set up a regular lunch once a month also, with you going to her new town and picking her up so that you could catch up with each other. I'm sure she'd probably love that!

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." - Steve Martin

Financialgrl · ‎03-13-2010

@TX-starlight wrote:
I know this post will sound selfish, & I'm sure I'll get some tacky comments, but here goes.......

I have a dear friend who recently moved a little ways off. She still comes to town to do her major grocery shopping (about 1x monthly). When she comes, we usually meet up for lunch. She has started inviting a couple of people from her former church. I realize she wants to visit with old friends, but I don't enjoy sharing my time with others. This week, she invited a family member.

I know I should be open to meeting new people, but I'm just not interested, lol. I value her friendship very much & would never hurt her feelings. How can I let her know I don't enjoy these others joining us?

Have never had this happen. If I were invited to lunch I want it to be just my friend. I don't understand why the friend that tags along would come bc I'd feel awkward if I ever was a third wheel in a friend gathering. In my life, being into meeting new people usually means ME initiating going to a place specifically to do that.

ALso, my group of friends are all ppl I worked with and trust me things get said that might easily offend some - but it was due to our former work environment.

Alison Wonderland · ‎02-05-2018

@Abrowneyegirl wrote:
If you want one on one time with your friend you can travel to see her. That way you can schedule the visit and plan the afternoon. If she is a valued friend than the trip is worth it.
Or
offer to host the lunch at your house.

I agree.

I imagine all of her friends want to see her when she's in town and she's trying to find the best way to do that.

Offer to visit her. Maybe you can explore her new area together.

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@TX-starlight I'm assuming her one time into town is used to run errands, see friends, etc. I'd invite her for coffee (out or at your house) as her day begins and explain you'd like to catch up one on one. She can then meet up with others for lunch or the rest of the day. If she bawks at that suggestion, you have a choice to make...see your friend with the others along or don't see her at all. The first choice seems to save the friendship.

TaylorBrown · ‎02-19-2014

If it was never said that this was just a lunch for the two of you when she comes in town, I don't any problem with her bringing others.

ahoymate · ‎05-30-2010

TaylorBrown: If it was never said that this was just a lunch for the two of you when she comes in town, I don't any problem with her bringing others."

You don't but the poster DOES!!!