How can I handle this?

TX-starlight · ‎03-10-2010

I know this post will sound selfish, & I'm sure I'll get some tacky comments, but here goes.......

I have a dear friend who recently moved a little ways off. She still comes to town to do her major grocery shopping (about 1x monthly). When she comes, we usually meet up for lunch. She has started inviting a couple of people from her former church. I realize she wants to visit with old friends, but I don't enjoy sharing my time with others. This week, she invited a family member.

I know I should be open to meeting new people, but I'm just not interested, lol. I value her friendship very much & would never hurt her feelings. How can I let her know I don't enjoy these others joining us?

Mz iMac · ‎07-26-2014

You do the inviting.

"Never argue with a fool. Onlookers may not be able to tell the difference."

January121 · ‎03-21-2010

I would just be honest & explain to her how you feel .... don’t skirt around the issue just be right on point .... if she understands that’s good ... if not say goodbye 🙃

kaydee50 · ‎02-07-2011

I would probably mention to her that I miss the one on one lunches that you used to have. IMO, she is rude inviting people to join the lunch without notifying you ahead. "Hey, I've invited so and so to join us. Is that OK with you?"

Abrowneyegirl · ‎03-15-2010

If you want one on one time with your friend you can travel to see her. That way you can schedule the visit and plan the afternoon. If she is a valued friend than the trip is worth it.

Or

offer to host the lunch at your house.

claros · ‎09-04-2010

I totally get it. I generally enjoy one to one get togethers more than larger groups. That being said, unless there is someone invited that I really had a problem with (and that has happened more than once) I will go ahead with the plan, and usually find that it turned out to be an enjoyable time.

GenXmuse · ‎05-15-2016

I wouldn't like it either like she's trying to consolidate visits. Maybe give her a heads up for next time and say let's you and I catch up just the two of us.

ahoymate · ‎05-30-2010

As others have said have an honest & tactful explaination of your feelings. But be prepared for her to not like it. As you know from these forums, some don't like the truth.

itsmagic · ‎08-08-2011

I understand how you feel. I’ve had this happen several times and I’m open to meeting new friends too but it totally changes the conversations you can have when it is just you and your friend versus you, your friend and her friends and/or family. Maybe if you talk to her about it, you both could come up with a compromise.

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

I don't think you're being selfish at all. You value your friendship with her and want one on one time together. I understand. However it's not easy but maybe you could mention that you hope when the two of you get together next time it's one on one?

I had something similar happen to me...but still a bit different. Someone that I'm friendly with but not close friends changed plans to include others when I thought it was just going to be the two of us taking a one time cooking class. All of a sudden she invited six additional women...none who I knew to come along ...and what fun we would have!

While I don't mind meeting new people, I should have known upfront that was her plan. It annoyed me that she did this and I felt it was rude.