Re: Do people actually keep score?

CrazyDaisy · ‎03-20-2010

@dex wrote:
@CrazyDaisy @You say some people need more help than others so does that excuse them from helping out?I think almost everyone is capable of assisting in some fashion.If you only take and never give are you deserving?

I never said it was an all or nothing life. Some people have more time others more money at various times. Just as some people go through very difficult times and others seem to have a very good life. I just do not keep score that I helped you now you owe me. I help someone now because I want to, not for what I can get later.

Someday, when scientists discover the center of the Universe....some people will be disappointed it is not them.

Isobel Archer · ‎04-04-2015

There is a big difference between helping someone because you expect something in return and helping them over and over and over and asking once for a small favor and being told they "don't feel like it - ask someone else."

In the latter case, I doubt there is anyone here who would just say - oh that's absolutely their right and I'm still glad to be of service to them anytine they ask.

CrazyDaisy · ‎03-20-2010

@Isobel Archer wrote:
There is a big difference between helping someone because you expect something in return and helping them over and over and over and asking once for a small favor and being told they "don't feel like it - ask someone else."

In the latter case, I doubt there is anyone here who would just say - oh that's absolutely their right and I'm still glad to be of service to them anytine they ask.

Then you are expecting something from them in return, or you wouldn't be upset when you do not get it back.

Someday, when scientists discover the center of the Universe....some people will be disappointed it is not them.

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

@CrazyDaisy wrote:
@Isobel Archer wrote:
There is a big difference between helping someone because you expect something in return and helping them over and over and over and asking once for a small favor and being told they "don't feel like it - ask someone else."

In the latter case, I doubt there is anyone here who would just say - oh that's absolutely their right and I'm still glad to be of service to them anytine they ask.
Then you are expecting something from them in return, or you wouldn't be upset when you do not get it back.

It's not about expecting to get something back. It's about caring. A person helps another, in most cases, because they care, have empathy. When an occasion occurs that the one helped is asked to return the favor and refuses, it makes clear that they do not care about the one who has been there for them. They show themselves to be a user and unworthy of help and the one who has helped them is left hurt and feeling a fool.

BORN AGAIN · ‎03-09-2010

I help alot of people. I never expect anything back. If I can help someone I will.

Isobel Archer · ‎04-04-2015

@occasionalrain wrote:
@CrazyDaisy wrote:
@Isobel Archer wrote:
There is a big difference between helping someone because you expect something in return and helping them over and over and over and asking once for a small favor and being told they "don't feel like it - ask someone else."

In the latter case, I doubt there is anyone here who would just say - oh that's absolutely their right and I'm still glad to be of service to them anytine they ask.
Then you are expecting something from them in return, or you wouldn't be upset when you do not get it back.
It's not about expecting to get something back. It's about caring. A person helps another, in most cases, because they care, have empathy. When an occasion occurs that the one helped is asked to return the favor and refuses, it makes clear that they do not care about the one who has been there for them. They show themselves to be a user and unworthy of help and the one who has helped them is left hurt and feeling a fool.

Exactly. And there really isn't misunderstanding of this point. It's just virtue signaling - Oh I'm so wonderful that I will help anyone anytime and NEVER expect anyone ever to help me in return - even if I fall on the street in front of their house while theiy sit on the porch too busy to help me up or call 911. And If I manage to survive, I will help them again because that's just the good person that I am.

catwhisperer · ‎07-11-2010

I have no problem helping people out, but when it comes to the point where they just expect it and take advantage, that is where I draw the line.

I once lived across the street from a couple who traveled frequently. They asked me to watch their house when they were gone and report any suspicious activity to police. No problem. Then they wanted me to pick up their newspaper and any packages that were delivered. Then they wanted me to put their trash cans out on trash day and put them back behind their fence. I obliged, but it just went on and on.

They wanted me to take them to the airport at 5 A.M. one day. (These people are very wealthy and can afford a shuttle service, but don't want to pay for one). I said no, and they were very insulted. They stated, "Well, you are up early in the morning anyway". Seriously people???

I can't believe the nerve of how some people take advantage of others and feel entitled.

I promise to remind myself every day that I am strong, courageous, and resilient.

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

The only thing I keep a score on is taking turns driving to events.....one girl NEVER drives the other lets us know how much she drives to work 5 days a week...so two of us drive the most.....it's irritating, so sometimes I just don't go along.

If someone needs a favor I am always willing to help out....don't keep score on those things but so far I have never been taken advantage of in that type of situation.

tiny 2 · ‎03-10-2010

@Isobel Archer wrote:
Exactly. And there really isn't misunderstanding of this point. It's just virtue signaling - Oh I'm so wonderful that I will help anyone anytime and NEVER expect anyone ever to help me in return - even if I fall on the street in front of their house while theiy sit on the porch too busy to help me up or call 911. And If I manage to survive, I will help them again because that's just the good person that I am.

KateE · ‎01-07-2011

Actually, most do. I had a friend once who I really liked and enjoyed spending time with, the problem was she kept score and in the same day. We had gone to the movies with her young son and she insisted on buying the popcorn/drinks, we all shared one box of popcorn. As we were leaving the show, I thanked her for treating and out of nowhere, she insisted we stop and get ice cream, so we did. She ordered large sundaes for both her and her young son, when the bill came, she promptly said, now it's your turn to get the bill, yet, I didn't have ice cream. On the flipside of this, I treated often for her and her family and many times it was never reciprocated or thanked. One lesson I learned the hard way, is this, because you treat someone with kindness, doesn't mean they have to do the same for you.