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Valued Contributor
Posts: 546
Registered: ‎06-04-2010

Having gone through a recent separation and divorce, I'm struggling with having been deceived by someone I care about.  My ex husband didn't treat me like a wife, but he didn't ever purposefully try to mislead me.  I've been deceived by someone I foolishly allowed myself to have feelings for.  Can any of you give me pointers on how to move on?  My heart is really heavy and I'm tired of crying about it.  Staying active at work and taking care of myself.  Trying to shed some extra pounds that are just in the way and working out.  Doing all the things a person is supposed to do when facing these sorts of things.  I'm just freaking sick of feeling sadness over this.  What do I do?  Thank you all for taking the time to read this whiny post.  

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,003
Registered: ‎07-21-2015

@OkeyDokey

I don't have any magical words to offer.  Be gentle wiith yourself.  You are doing fanstic by focusing on you.  I did not find your post to be whiny.  I found it honest and I hope you find peace soon.  I'm betting you do.  GIve yourself kudos for being open enough to give someone your heart, feelings.  That's huge.  A lot of people won't even take that risk.  I'm cheering for you.  You can do this.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,465
Registered: ‎03-27-2010

OkeyDokey:  You are absolutely amazing - don't you ever forget that.  Just keep doing what you are doing.  I always remember to count my blessings as when I do that I realize that I am pretty darn blessed.  Take care & be well.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,902
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

I understand your struggle. Been there. My best advice would include adopt a dog in need of a home. Unconditional love. Be sure the breed 's activity level matches yours and your lifestyle. 

In addition- join a group and focus on something other than your sadness. Enjoy spending quality time with your own company and build a support group of friends. Give it time and hang in there. If you do you will have a life you want, peace and happiness. I also strongly recommend a really good therapist. Find one who is a good match for you. One size does not fit all.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,934
Registered: ‎05-09-2014

Go see a mental health professional to talk out your feelings of loss, surprise, deception and betrayal. You will gain insight, find your center,  and achieve momentum.

 

No one in a shopping channel forum can give “pointers” on moving on, because your feelings are common enough in context of separation and divorce and relationship adjustments, but ultimately personal. You need to know yourself better to help yourself. My pointers might be useless for you. If I felt like you describe younare feeling and you suggested losing weight as a way to manage my broken heart, I’d hardly be comforted. Yet, it seems to be one way you’ve chosen that you hope will pick you up effectively. There is no formula. Buy new clothes?  Learn a new recipe? Take a trip ? Pray? Your emotional pain gets better with time and with supportive personal talking and guidance. 

 

To best find out how you can help yourself, get help.  It doesn’t have to be therapy for years, but some sessions expressing yourself and getting professional insights and support will be remarkably beneficial.

 

I wish you peace of mind very soon. Keep in mind, all bad things come to an end. It gets better. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,892
Registered: ‎07-03-2013

Keep yourself busy.  I know when I don't have much going on, I have more time to think.  Can you put your focus into your work.  With holiday season coming, look for volunteer opportunities.  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,917
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@OkeyDokeyyou know the old saying about time healing all wounds....just give it some time.Get involved in Helping others if you can and remember that you are special.Treat yourself well and do special things that make you happy...join a gym and feel good about yourself while you work to better health and make some new friends.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,523
Registered: ‎09-01-2010

Your story sounds a bit familiar, so I will tell you exactly what I said to my friend about 4 years ago.  

 

Make peace with where you are.   Recognize where you want to go, then pull up your big girl panties and make it happen!   And my friend did exactly that; she “found herself”, changed her attitude, stepped up her performance at work, got a promotion, and now says she is exactly who she wanted to be when she grew up!   

 

My very best wishes to you!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,702
Registered: ‎08-22-2013

@OkeyDokey  please do not take on a dog if you are fragile at this time, dogs are so needy. Dogs are for healthy, happy people IMO.  That being said, getting physically healthy is a great start and will help how you feel about yourself in general. I would suggest taking a Yoga class for beginners if you have not practiced Yoga before. Most classes also offer some kind of meditation which really helps people to relax and look inward. IMO men are worthless unless they are sensitive, considerate partners. When I was young and dating, I could spot a loser a mile away. I hit the jackpot when I met my husband, we have been married 44 years and he's still the same, thoughtful, sensitive, considerate guy I married. Please don't you settle for anything less.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,347
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Wish I had some words of wisdom. Just thinking ahead two months, I'd tell you to prepare yourself for a totally different holiday season. Maybe do some volunteering and don't jump into any relationships.