Re: Elderly Care--What I have learned

PINKdogWOOD · ‎05-13-2010

Here's my experience---I think first and foremost you need to get your will done, signed before a notary. Documents that are a MUST in addition to is a Living Will, Powers of Attorney for both medical and financial care for/about yourself.

If something happens to you, it is imperative to have your Living Will to declare how you wish to be cared for including being kept alive if you need machines to do that work for you, and/or you're in an accident very close to death and if you wish to be resuscitated.

If you end up needing to go into some sort of nursing/extended care facility, Powers of Medical and Financial services need to be taken up by someone you put in charge - provided you've chosed the right person to be honest and caring on your behalf.

Along the lines of even being placed in a facility, it is imperative you have in writing (notarized) as to whether or not you even wish to do this. And of course, don't forget to share your opinion on how you wish to be finalized yourself ie buried in the ground, cremated, parts given as donor parts, or given to science for research.

My sister and I have been through this all with our parents, first Dad then mom. We learned so much and had a wonderful Attorney who guided us through these tough times. Having been through both parents in care facilites up to their deaths, we also both have done these documents for ourselves, and our remaining loved ones know exactly how to help us and what to do when our time comes.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@Carmie Sixteen years of experiences with nursing homes has broken my heart. Sometimes I think I will never feel anything like joy again.

I know how it works and it has taken a huge part of life out of me.

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

@Sooner I understand. It is never easy to watch our loved ones end up in any type of

" institutional care."

I am happy that new programs are becoming available that allow people to receive care in their own homes. They even send transportation to take people to a senior center where they can receive meals, play games....cards, watch TV and movies with their friends and receive doctor appointments at the same place.

I was very interested in getting this for my friend, but at the last minute, she turned and refused the services because she didn't want to change doctors.

I know she will never get out of her nursing home now. Over the past two months, her dementia has gotten worse. It is so bad that I wonder if she will know who I am a year from now. Three years ago, her mind was good.

My MIL was there too for 10 years.

I have to say the care has been good. I visit normally twice a week. It is sad though.

I hope and pray that I pass quickly while I am still able to care for myself.

Take care of yourself and do try to find joy in your life. I am sure your loved ones would want that for you.

TurnerGal · ‎11-21-2017

I went thru this with my father and am starting to go thru it with my in laws. It is a very difficult and heart breaking time.

My biggest suggestion I would give to all, is for your self or your parents or siblings have them put together their wishes when they are in their early seventies. From my experience once people get to around 80 they have declined and tend to not trust people, even if it's their children. They can't seem to make decisions for them selves. Don't wait until that time to try and make decisions it is hard on everyone.

smoochy · ‎03-10-2010

@Laura14 wrote:
The most eye opening thing to me when we had our uncle in nursing home care was that if he needed to be in the hospital for a few days, you not Medicare had to personally pay the nursing home for the bed he wasn't sleeping in or they had the right to give it to someone else before he was released and it wasn't cheap.

I have no idea what families do without those kind of financial resources. How do you just take home a chronically ill patient to your house with no way to care for them because the nursing home took the bed away? He wasn't even mobile towards the end and not many people could move him to a car let alone take him home.

It's insane that we tolerate this as end of life care. I swear my dog was treated better at the end of hers.

This is standard operating procedure for long term care facilities- charging a per diem rate to hold the bed.

MICHIGAN STATE MOM

smoochy · ‎03-10-2010

@Sooner wrote:
@Carmie wrote:
@Laura14 I am not willing to have my taxes pay for an Empty nursing home room. Some people in a nursing facility go to the hospital for weeks....then they pass away and never return to the nursing home.

Our healthcare system cannot afford to pay for empty rooms.

It is also not right when somone is turned away because there are no beds available because they are being held for somone who may or may not return.

My friend was in the hospital for almost 30 days for surgery and complications after she fell on a previously broken hip. When she went back to the rehab nursing facility, she was given a different room.

If a room was not available, I would have had to make arrangements at another facility. Luckly, I didn't have to.

These nursing facilities are not motels, they provided medical care. If you are not there receiving medical care, then you don't need the room.

This issue happens, but not too often. Nursing facilities are mostly understanding, but they can't break the law. It is not lawful for them to hold an unpaid room and turn others away. They could lose their license.

Most of these people in nursing homes are on Welfare/Medicaid, using taxpayers money. Medicare does not pay for nursing care unless you are getting skilled care and they only cover up to 100 days.

If you can pay for your own care, they will guarantee to hold your room.

No one is going to become homeless. That is just silly. The hospital social workers will help find a room in another nursing center.

They have a list of places that have room. You can choose from the list and they will take care of making arrangements for you.

@Carmie What about people who have been a facility a long time but may make short trips to the hospital for adjustment of meds, cases of pneumonia, x-rays from a fall or a few days to set the arm, leg or whatever, for observation, etc. etc.? LOTS of quick hospital trips are made.

So you just want to dump 'em out at another facility where they don't know a soul? Don't have their things, don't fit in? Really? Do you know what chaos this would be?

I have a total number of 16 years of people in nursing homes that I have been responsible for. You have no idea what this would cause.

The things you mentioned as needing trips to the hospital can, should and will be addressed by the nursing home physician and nursing staff. That's why the facilities are called skilled care. Medicare and Medicaid won't pay for frequent trips to the hospital for conditions that can be managed at the facility. They carefully review the cases and will stop funding if someone is consistently being sent to the hospital without meeting clinical necessity. . Note that I'm not speaking of true emergencies (falls with injuries, acute cardiovascular events for example). I'm only talking about the specific things you mentioned You seem to have a purely emotional based view of how long term skilled facilities work. And how government insurance works. I worked in long term care for over twenty years of a forty six year nursing career. Much of that was in clinical management, ie Director of Nursing.

MICHIGAN STATE MOM

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@Sooner wrote:
@Eileen in Virginia wrote:
I'd add that, if they're in a nursing home, it's best if the nursing home staff know that friends and family will drop in for a visit whenever they're in the area - I.e., they never know when someone will be there. This goes a long way towards ensuring good quality of care for your loved one.
@Eileen in Virginia The problem is when one outlives all friends and family and it happens more often than you would think. If you are in your late 90's you are quite possibly the last.

@Sooner Very good point.

SeaMaiden · ‎03-10-2010

@Kachina624 wrote:
@Sooner What I'd like to know is what someone does who has no friend or relative willing or able to settle their estate? My few relatives have other responsibilities and live far away. Friends have moved or died. I don't even have anyone to name as a beneficiary in a will. Who's going to clean out my garage (so to speak)?

@Kachina624 I have a similar situation

Justice4all · ‎12-22-2013

@Carmie

@Carmie wrote:
@Laura14 I am not willing to have my taxes pay for an Empty nursing home room. Some people in a nursing facility go to the hospital for weeks....then they pass away and never return to the nursing home.

Our healthcare system cannot afford to pay for empty rooms.

It is also not right when somone is turned away because there are no beds available because they are being held for somone who may or may not return.

My friend was in the hospital for almost 30 days for surgery and complications after she fell on a previously broken hip. When she went back to the rehab nursing facility, she was given a different room.

If a room was not available, I would have had to make arrangements at another facility. Luckly, I didn't have to.

These nursing facilities are not motels, they provided medical care. If you are not there receiving medical care, then you don't need the room.

This issue happens, but not too often. Nursing facilities are mostly understanding, but they can't break the law. It is not lawful for them to hold an unpaid room and turn others away. They could lose their license.

Most of these people in nursing homes are on Welfare/Medicaid, using taxpayers money. Medicare does not pay for nursing care unless you are getting skilled care and they only cover up to 100 days.

If you can pay for your own care, they will guarantee to hold your room.

No one is going to become homeless. That is just silly. The hospital social workers will help find a room in another nursing center.

They have a list of places that have room. You can choose from the list and they will take care of making arrangements for you.

Regarding the statement that nobody will be homeless, some nursing homes are so wretched that they are a death sentence. I am speaking from actual knowledge, especially in this time of nursing shortages.

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

@Justice4all Oh, I surely know that. We have two of them near me. One is county run and the other one is private.

Everyone knows about the county home. I wouldn't put a plastic doll in there. The other one I found out about because my friend was there for two weeks. I got her out of there. It was a horror story.

I had to tell my friend's roommate's family that they needed to get her out of there too. ( they did) She was neglected and she could have hurt herself ( she would take her clothing off and climb out of bed...falling to the floor and left to lay there) and because she wasn't verbal, her family didn't know. She also couldn't feed herself and her food tray was left there and picked up later and no one fed her. I visited my friend almost every day so I saw a lot. The smell in that place was revolting too.

You do really have to be careful as to where your loved ones are placed. Before my friend was placed where she is now, The social worker (SW) gave me a list of places to choose from. The paperwork had info about the places and any fines or reprimands they received.

I chose two places that looked like they were well run and the SW took care of the arrangements. My friend was admitted to the Rehab area, but she wasn't getting any better, so she was transferred to the assisted living area. She has been there ever since . I have had very little problems or complaints about her care there.

My friend actually likes it there. She often asks me to pick up some small gifts so she can give them to the aids to thank them for taking care of her.