Elderly Care--What I have learned - Page 5

Justice4all · ‎12-22-2013

Anyone you have looked out for is extremely fortunate! Who is paying for your friend's care-Medicaid or private funds?

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

@Justice4all She was, until her funds ran out. Her house and belongings were sold, life insurance cashed in and investments liquidated.

Medicaid has been paying for her since last August. She also has Medicare and a supplement that pays her doctor's bills and other covered services.

I buy her clothing and shoes, & pay for her cell phone, TV service and any extras she needs or wants.

I am her POA. She is a widow who was married to a family member until he passed. My DH and I have been looking after her since then....my brother has helped too when he can.

patbz · ‎03-10-2010

After my Dad passed I moved my Mom into the only nursing facility in my small CA city ( next closest was 1.5 hrs away). We visited frequently, got her private room and hired a nurse's aide as a companion. My Mom was in that facility for 2.5 yrs as a self pay patient. My only big issue is that staff would expect the aide I hired to do their work (which would not be fair and if my Mom had had a fall, etc I can just imagine they'd try to avoid liability). I spoke to the Director and said although my Mom was paying full freight we didn't expect her to be "Queen of the place" but neither should she be "sucking hind t*t; I used those very words ( that fixed that issue). Every three months I'd buy my Mom a whole new wardrobe of house dresses, night gowns and underwear ( she still deserved to look her best); I donated her old stuff to nursing home residents less fortunate. My Mom was pretty busty and finding bras in which she was comfortable was a challenge pre internet so I bought her sports bras ( worked great). One day my 12 year old son saw a pkg of these and asked me what sport she played ( I said " keeping her ***** off her knees).

CJC · ‎03-11-2010

No matter the circumstances, elderly care in America is no walk in the park. Our culture is totally youth based.

mimomof4 · ‎03-08-2018

What I have learned in the past few years and especially watching a loved one after a dementia diagnosis is that since they are adults you can't Force them or reason them to do what is right. Sadly as a loved one we are stuck waiting for them to hit rock bottom before courts or the state will come in and intervene.

Be patient with your relative even though they are driving you crazy. Its the disease and not them.

Do not expect your loved one to be honest with you: If they realize that by telling you that they fell or got lost you will push them to stop driving and lose their independence.

Social workers sent by the state will NOT step in and provide reasonable direction. I honestly do not understand why when a social worker visited my Mother in Law after a fall which resulted in us finally getting an early dementia/alzheimers diagnosis they did not say she should not be in her home, especially alone. She is a fall risk living in a 1960's colonial with sunken living rooms is a recipe for disaster. She fell again in her home a week after the social worker visited.

Be careful about taking away things that give them independence.

When your relative starts to do things out of the ordinary its time to start watching them carefully. It can be something which you would overlook on others. I'll give you a couple examples - 1. My MIL for years would not go outside for yard work on humid 90 days. For the past couple years she would, obviously not thinking clearly on the decision and coming in the house dehydrated and confused afterwards. 2. My MIL picked up a stranger at a McDonalds and gave them a right. Five years before she would have been much more on her guard 3. They stop socializing with friends or cancel at the last minute (something is wrong if for 5 days you talk about going then the day of don't go saying you didn't feel up to it). 4. When someone is joking about still being in their pajamas at 3 in the afternoon often, that is not all right if they were someone who was always made up (dressed, make-up, never leaving the door without lipstick)

mimomof4 · ‎03-08-2018

I see someone mentioned organizations which help seniors with meals/housekeeping etc. Research those early and get on waiting lists - if you suspect in the next couple years the assistance could be helpful. If you wait until the assistance is needed you may be put on a waiting list. Getting a little help earlier may work in your favor to make your loved one comfortable with the idea before a larger amount of support is needed.

Keep the organization name and numbers in a very handy place for your loved one.

Again even with these organizations you still have to rely on your loved one to accept the support and assistance. My mother in law wanted to refuse everything offered to her saying "I have family". As her family, Yes we help as much as we can. We also have young families as well to care for and not all of her kids live nearby.

mimomof4 · ‎03-08-2018

Talk to your relatives VERY early about POA. Do not wait until their 70's or later.

Also don't feel bad if you don't trust your loved ones siblings. Just because they are family does not mean they can be trusted and won't come back and sue you.

After our experience yesterday - My mother in law who for a week has been ademant that she wants to be in her own home fell at my sister in laws house walking down a step into a garage resulting in stitches, bruising on her face and broken glasses.

riley1 · ‎03-10-2010

@Sooner - This is a great post and everyone needs to check the laws in their state should this situation arise.

My mom had Alzheimers - not so bad in the beginning - but became much worse as time went on.

My sister (single) elected to retire and become her full time care taker. This was her choice. I'm married and at that time, had two very active middle school kids and a son with disabilities in a facility. I went 2 or 3 times a week to help out and give her a break. My other sister lived out of state.

As time marched on she really had no idea who I was. She called me the "nice" lady who made her tea. And, I'm hungry because no one fed me. Meanwhile, she did eat and was munching on snacks. It is very tiring.

One time my sister wasn't feeling well and dozed off. Well, my mother became an escape artist. She opened the door and was gone. It was one of the hottest most humid days and she was out wondering around. Even went to the next town looking for my brother. Many hours she was found by the police and brought home.

So, if you are in a position of being a care taker, make sure you have some help or at least a backup plan. I wish all of you the patience it takes.

Riley1

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@riley1 I am so sorry your family went through this. It is hearbreaking and often beyond what any of us can control. You made some excellent observations that will surely be helpful to many.

manny2 · ‎05-24-2010

@Sooner wrote:
@Carmie wrote:
@Laura14 I am not willing to have my taxes pay for an Empty nursing home room. Some people in a nursing facility go to the hospital for weeks....then they pass away and never return to the nursing home.

Our healthcare system cannot afford to pay for empty rooms.

It is also not right when somone is turned away because there are no beds available because they are being held for somone who may or may not return.

My friend was in the hospital for almost 30 days for surgery and complications after she fell on a previously broken hip. When she went back to the rehab nursing facility, she was given a different room.

If a room was not available, I would have had to make arrangements at another facility. Luckly, I didn't have to.

These nursing facilities are not motels, they provided medical care. If you are not there receiving medical care, then you don't need the room.

This issue happens, but not too often. Nursing facilities are mostly understanding, but they can't break the law. It is not lawful for them to hold an unpaid room and turn others away. They could lose their license.

Most of these people in nursing homes are on Welfare/Medicaid, using taxpayers money. Medicare does not pay for nursing care unless you are getting skilled care and they only cover up to 100 days.

If you can pay for your own care, they will guarantee to hold your room.

No one is going to become homeless. That is just silly. The hospital social workers will help find a room in another nursing center.

They have a list of places that have room. You can choose from the list and they will take care of making arrangements for you.

@Carmie What about people who have been a facility a long time but may make short trips to the hospital for adjustment of meds, cases of pneumonia, x-rays from a fall or a few days to set the arm, leg or whatever, for observation, etc. etc.? LOTS of quick hospital trips are made.

So you just want to dump 'em out at another facility where they don't know a soul? Don't have their things, don't fit in? Really? Do you know what chaos this would be?

I have a total number of 16 years of people in nursing homes that I have been responsible for. You have no idea what this would cause.

@Sooner They have to be admitted to the hospital first before they ask the family to pay for the bed. If they go out to the ER and come back, or if they are held for observation they are not discharged from the long term care facility.

This is especially true if they are sent out for a psych evaluation. If they stabilize them and send them back there is no discharge, and no issue with the room.