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[reiki604]

On 10/1/2014 happy housewife said:

On 10/1/2014 reiki604 said:

Hide my purchases????? Heck no! Both of us are working and making decent salaries. He's bought a knife (for work) that cost over $400. I've bought handbags for that and more. We can afford it and don't need or expect to have to check in with the other to make a purchase like that. We are both adults and know what we can afford and what we need. We have enough respect for each other not to need approval of the other.

When you live in an area that has a much higher cost of living and thus much higher incomes an amount like $400 may not seem extravagant. But when you live in an area where incomes are much lower - more the norm for most of the country - that is a hearty chunk of change for a Christmas tree.

Cost of living has nothing to do with it. It's having confidence and respect for your partner's intelligence, responsibility and common sense to know that they would not do anything to jeopardize your financial stability and purchase something you could not afford. It's being an equal partner in the relationship and not having to seek the other's approval.

[151949]

On 10/1/2014 reiki604 said:

On 10/1/2014 happy housewife said:

On 10/1/2014 reiki604 said:

Hide my purchases????? Heck no! Both of us are working and making decent salaries. He's bought a knife (for work) that cost over $400. I've bought handbags for that and more. We can afford it and don't need or expect to have to check in with the other to make a purchase like that. We are both adults and know what we can afford and what we need. We have enough respect for each other not to need approval of the other.

When you live in an area that has a much higher cost of living and thus much higher incomes an amount like $400 may not seem extravagant. But when you live in an area where incomes are much lower - more the norm for most of the country - that is a hearty chunk of change for a Christmas tree.

Cost of living has nothing to do with it. It's having confidence and respect for your partner's intelligence, responsibility and common sense to know that they would not do anything to jeopardize your financial stability and purchase something you could not afford. It's being an equal partner in the relationship and not having to seek the other's approval.

When people are true partners they show each other respect. Going out and making large and not necessary purchases like this tree without discussing it first is NOT showing respect. Every time someone answers a post on this BB by saying "It's my money and I'll spend it as I please" or "i refuse to ask permission' or any of the other similar statements all I see in my mental image is a spoiled brat stamping her feet.

Often on this BB I can see why 50% of the marriages in this country fail.

[colliegirls]

Sounds like he had a good sense of humor about it if it was all in jest!

[Kachina624]

On 10/1/2014 happy housewife said:

I said vows in front of every person I knew as well as the Lord God that I would be in that marriage "FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE, FOR RICHER OR POORER ...UNTIL DEATH US DO PART." and I fully intend to keep that promise.

I feel sorry for anyone in a marriage who doesn't feel it is the single most important thing in their life.

What does this have to do with buying a Christmas tree?

[reiki604]

On 10/1/2014 happy housewife said:

On 10/1/2014 reiki604 said:

On 10/1/2014 happy housewife said:

On 10/1/2014 reiki604 said:

Hide my purchases????? Heck no! Both of us are working and making decent salaries. He's bought a knife (for work) that cost over $400. I've bought handbags for that and more. We can afford it and don't need or expect to have to check in with the other to make a purchase like that. We are both adults and know what we can afford and what we need. We have enough respect for each other not to need approval of the other.

When you live in an area that has a much higher cost of living and thus much higher incomes an amount like $400 may not seem extravagant. But when you live in an area where incomes are much lower - more the norm for most of the country - that is a hearty chunk of change for a Christmas tree.

Cost of living has nothing to do with it. It's having confidence and respect for your partner's intelligence, responsibility and common sense to know that they would not do anything to jeopardize your financial stability and purchase something you could not afford. It's being an equal partner in the relationship and not having to seek the other's approval.

When people are true partners they show each other respect. Going out and making large and not necessary purchases like this tree without discussing it first is NOT showing respect. Every time someone answers a post on this BB by saying "It's my money and I'll spend it as I please" or "i refuse to ask permission' or any of the other similar statements all I see in my mental image is a spoiled brat stamping her feet.

Often on this BB I can see why 50% of the marriages in this country fail.

I guess our definitions of respect are very different. If my DH or I asked permission to spend money from the other we would ask if the other was feeling ok and offer to call a doctor. Clearly you didn't read what I bolded now for you.

[stazgirl]

I DO NOT hide purchases, and neither does he HOWEVER, that said, out of RESPECT for each other, if one of us is making a purchase of more than a couple hundred, we do tell the other ahead of time. We DO NOT "ASK" permission, but a couple hundred is a chunk of chance so we are just respectful to each other.

[KJPA]

We manage separate banking accounts and that helps us a lot. Both our names are on all the accounts but I put money into mine and pay bills from it and he does the same with his. We both keep budget spreadsheets and know where our money goes. We agree who is going to pay for the big things like mortgage, cars, etc. and sometimes switch who pays for what. Right now he buys the gas, food and pays on a loan we took out to do a remodel. I pay for the mortgage, my clothes, the dog expenses, things for the house and some food. He used to pay the mortgage and I paid the car loan and some kids' college loans we had.

He loves to complain about my spending but I've always told him that as long as I pay all the bills he asks me to pay the rest of it is mine. Oh, I consider savings to be one of my bills so that comes out of my money too.

It works for us. He doesn't get any surprises on his charge cards, no additional expenses that he doesn't know are coming. I get to spend what's left of my money.

I don't always tell him I buy something. The way I see it, he complains when I buy it, when it is delivered, when one of us pays for it, when he sees me use it, etc!! Why listen to that more than I have to But he's worth it.

We've been married for over 30 years! Neither of us has changed much. I love to spend, he loves to .... not spend I guess

[luvdoodles]

My husband never asks me what I buy. In fact he is usually the one to bring up the package from outside. He buys and trades cars so much, I never know what he will be driving. He is a car freak, loves the older 442's and corvettes. I never go overboard and he knows that. No need to hide anything.

[RainyDayGal]

I think couples just need to sit down and discuss how the finances will work. $100 here, $100 there, $200, etc. it all adds up. A one time purchase might not be a big thing, but if you keep spending those amounts say 10 times in a month? That could be a problem.

Just sit down and agree on an amount, or come up with a monthly budget amount. It's simple enough. To come out and say, "It's my money I'll do as I please." is childish.

For example you buy a $400 tree (what was the s&h charge then tax) one day, then spend $50 a day every day for the next month..... it does add up.

It's not about asking permission. It's about staying within an agreed up on budget. Now if you're George and Alma then spend away without asking.

[lulu2]

I had colleagues who hid packages from their husband. One of our principals had everything delivered to school. She sat at the lunch table making minimum payments on about a dozen credit cards. (back when every department store had its own charge)

If a person needs to ask permission to make purchase or hides packages, maybe he/she needs to examine his/her marriage or his/her spending habits.

I never understood why when one partner buys (what the other considers) a pricey item, to get even, the other partner goes out and buys a pricey item too.