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[betteb]

On 2/19/2014 nantucket shore said:

On 2/18/2014 betteb said:

Ok I have some questions and I will try to help. I have a lot of experience in this area. 10 yrs working in Home Care and 6yrs having it for my DH.

Does your Mom live alone? Any insurance besides Medicare A & B? What is her condition? I.E. Walking? Any canes, wheelchairs, etc? Is she weak? Is she Ok right now mentally?

I know a lot of info, but if I'm going to really help you, I need to know?

Live alone..yes. Yes, supplemental Medicare only. Mental is sharp, very weak, can walk but needs walker.

We have people you can hire for in home care but we're talking about $29/hr and they are not licensed so they cannot give any type of medicine if she needs help with that.

If she is considered Homebound (can't go out except to the doctor) Medicare will pay for some sporadic nursing services, and physical therapy at home. It may also pay for some Durable Medical Equipment, if the doctor orders it.

I think the first thing needed is a safety and mobility assessment, both PT and OT.

If her meds were set up in clearly labeled pill boxes, could she take them on her own?

Is she a diabetic?

I think some mentioned contacting your area aging agency. Through the Senior Care Act, she may qualify for up to 21 hrs a week of help with housekeeping and meals and such at a discounted rate. Most of the help available will be income based. The lower her income/assets, the more she will qualify for.

Was she recently dismissed from the hospital? If so, hospital social workers and discharge planners should be able to direct you to the various agencies.

[focksie]

It can be very overwhelming to care for an elderly loved one. Try to take one step at a time nantucket. Contact your local Department of the Aging for information. Even though your mom is mentally sharp, you could probably also get some good referrals and info from the Alzheimer's Association. Her doctor's office should also be able to provide assistance and information.

Also contact Visiting Nurse Service (VNS). (Does every state have one? I don't even know.) They will send a nurse for an initial evaluation and that person will be able to recommend the types of equipment (beds, walkers, etc.) that are best suited for your mom's individual needs, much better than people here who have not met your mom. VNS also provides physical therapy, occupational therapy, social work on a short-term basis. Medicare pays for this.

I don't know where you live, but I live in a large city and the going rate for home health aides here is only $15/hour, negotiable.

[ennui1]

On 2/19/2014 nantucket shore said:

We have people you can hire for in home care but we're talking about $29/hr and they are not licensed so they cannot give any type of medicine if she needs help with that.

Keep shopping. Home care is pricey, but you should be able to find a better rate.

Contact your local hospice group, and ask for a list of agencies. The hospice folks will have checked them out.

[Mistreatedbycs]

WoW, all wonderful tips.

No diabetic mom, she's just losing her strength, she's in a care center for rehab and the meeting is tomorrow, I know they'll recommend her to go to an assisted living facility BUT the more I read about them, it's not what she needs.

She needs assistance now with dressing in the morning, possibly making coffee/tea and breakfast, a sandwich for lunch and just basic walking to the restroom.

I can do all the rest, I wash floors, clean, vacuum, laundry, cook dinners and anything else she needs but I can't be there 24/7. I do all the shopping (love to grocery shop) and other things but I can't be there every morning to get her dressed and going. She doesn't do much during the day, read the paper, watch TV and overall nothing earth shattering.

I like the fact she was doing "activities" at the rehab center but she really didn't talk to anyone nor eat at the table, she ate mainly in her room and always complained about the food, she didn't understand how someone could "cook" so bad. The food is "cooked" by a cook and nothing processed but it's that woman is a pretty bad cook. I'm not sure if it's the recipes or the food ingredients they give to the cook but either way it's only for a couple more days until they release her.

I know what she wants, me to move in but that's just not going to happen. I may be such a bad daughter but I need my space and a couple minutes to myself since the rest of the time is consumed with her. Hope that doesn't come off being mean at all but I really do try and really need help so thanks again for all the suggestions.

[ennui1]

On 2/19/2014 nantucket shore said:

WoW, all wonderful tips.

No diabetic mom, she's just losing her strength, she's in a care center for rehab and the meeting is tomorrow, I know they'll recommend her to go to an assisted living facility BUT the more I read about them, it's not what she needs.

She needs assistance now with dressing in the morning, possibly making coffee/tea and breakfast, a sandwich for lunch and just basic walking to the restroom.

I can do all the rest, I wash floors, clean, vacuum, laundry, cook dinners and anything else she needs but I can't be there 24/7. I do all the shopping (love to grocery shop) and other things but I can't be there every morning to get her dressed and going. She doesn't do much during the day, read the paper, watch TV and overall nothing earth shattering.

I like the fact she was doing "activities" at the rehab center but she really didn't talk to anyone nor eat at the table, she ate mainly in her room and always complained about the food, she didn't understand how someone could "cook" so bad. The food is "cooked" by a cook and nothing processed but it's that woman is a pretty bad cook. I'm not sure if it's the recipes or the food ingredients they give to the cook but either way it's only for a couple more days until they release her.

I know what she wants, me to move in but that's just not going to happen. I may be such a bad daughter but I need my space and a couple minutes to myself since the rest of the time is consumed with her. Hope that doesn't come off being mean at all but I really do try and really need help so thanks again for all the suggestions.

Why do you think assisted living is not what she needs? From your description, it sounds appropriate.

RE the food, it's the volume. How many meals does the cook prepare? It's like army food. Prison food. You get the idea.

If you hire a caregiver, they'll take over a lot of the household chores.

[TootyJane]

You can visit the following website to compare Medical Alert Systems: http://medical-alert-systems-review.toptenreviews.com

[pistolino]

On 2/19/2014 nantucket shore said:

I know what she wants, me to move in but that's just not going to happen. I may be such a bad daughter but I need my space and a couple minutes to myself since the rest of the time is consumed with her. Hope that doesn't come off being mean at all but I really do try and really need help so thanks again for all the suggestions.

You are NOT a "bad daughter"!!! And you can take that from me, who lost my 40s to caregiving. Hold the line on moving in and never say never to placement. There may come a day where you find you can barely go home to sleep because your mother needs so much and when that day comes, you are well past her staying in her home.

As long as her needs are reasonable and will not burn you out, I would say if you like you can assist her in the home. Unfortunately, all the items you listed that your mother needs are teetering on her needing more care than you can give without letting it swallow you whole.

Also, an "assisted living" is what the marketing people want it to be. A lot of assisted livings will only do cleaning, laundry, medication reminders (not administering) and for every other bit of assistance you need, there is a monthly fee. It can get pricey. If you find the basic monthly charge of an assisted living is then piled on with extra charges, it's possible you need to look at a nursing home setting (and nursing homes aren't the pits like they used to be).

[Mistreatedbycs]

Assisted living from what I understand and researched are basically apartments with common area's and based upon your needs is what you pay for.

She can stay in her own house and I can bring in help a lot less expensive than the $4,000-$12,000 a month that's in our area. The care center she's getting rehab charges in excess of $10,000 a month for the residents. A full nursing staff is on board so really that's where the expense is.

(I'm certainly in the wrong business but there's a lot of sick people where my mom is now and it's truly sad what I have witnessed)

[betteb]

On 2/19/2014 pistolino said:

On 2/19/2014 nantucket shore said:

I know what she wants, me to move in but that's just not going to happen. I may be such a bad daughter but I need my space and a couple minutes to myself since the rest of the time is consumed with her. Hope that doesn't come off being mean at all but I really do try and really need help so thanks again for all the suggestions.

You are NOT a "bad daughter"!!! And you can take that from me, who lost my 40s to caregiving. Hold the line on moving in and never say never to placement. There may come a day where you find you can barely go home to sleep because your mother needs so much and when that day comes, you are well past her staying in her home.

As long as her needs are reasonable and will not burn you out, I would say if you like you can assist her in the home. Unfortunately, all the items you listed that your mother needs are teetering on her needing more care than you can give without letting it swallow you whole.

Also, an "assisted living" is what the marketing people want it to be. A lot of assisted livings will only do cleaning, laundry, medication reminders (not administering) and for every other bit of assistance you need, there is a monthly fee. It can get pricey. If you find the basic monthly charge of an assisted living is then piled on with extra charges, it's possible you need to look at a nursing home setting (and nursing homes aren't the pits like they used to be).

ITA Not a bad daughter at all. I think you will get a lot more info tomorrow at your meeting, with Discharge Planner? They will have specific info geared toward your mom and availability where you live.

There are different levels of assisted living. She could have her own apartment, usually attached to or on the grounds of a nursing home, and when and how much help she gets can be specific to her individual needs. You can still go as much as you want and do whatever you want.

[lilypadfrog]

Nantucket, all of this advice is worthwhile. I am a social worker with 40 years experience in nursing homes, hospice, community care and now as a case manager for a major insurance company. There are assisted living places where she would have her own apartment and have nursing or attendant care help as she needs it. They have activities to occupy her mind and so she can socialize. Living alone in her home doesn't sound like she would have these things. There are many different kinds of assisted living places out there so don't write them off before you visit a few. If she owns her own home, she may have to "spend down" before she could qualify for medicaid. Hospital discharge planners and their social workers will typically help with the basic information to ensure a safe discharge so there is no liability from the state health dept for an unsafe discharge. If you have Aging Agency, please do meet with them. They can help with much of this information, including some help for caregivers. Did you ever consider having a nursing student live in with your Mother to help her in exchange for free rent? That might be a win-win situation for both of them. It would help the student and give your Mother some care /socialization. If you are unsure about this, just remember that just because a caregiver comes from an agency doesn't mean they don't have the potential to steal or abuse. That can come from anyone so you should monitor anyone coming into the home. Maybe adult day care at a senior center could help since they can help with meds and daily cares. Much for you to consider so don't rush into anything. Sorry this is so long. Good luck.