Fashion

[JamicaJammer]

On 10/16/2014 sunshine3215 said:

Ladies - I want to thank you all for comments. IT was very helpful, Ms. Bird, thanks, I am sharing your comments with my husband, but the 'con" man (brother) is in control. My husband is mad, and "luckily" we live in another state because I think this would come to blows in the hospital room.

They already don't "like" each other because this is a true case of adult abuse, this brother takes all her money, makes her pay all the bills, etc...

I'm trying to keep my husband "calm" and we will see what happens.

If your MIL allowed the other son to manipulate, control, etc. her and her situation when she was healthy, gently try to remind your dh that his mother CHOSE that over all other options. My mom's bff is being financially ruined, emotionally abused, etc. by one of her 2 sons. The other son finally had to just cut himself off from them because he tried for year to no avail to get his mom away from that other son.....to have her be independent, financially secure and set things up so the bad son couldn't do what he's done, but the mom was having no part of that.......chose the bad son and all the mess.

[IControlMyHappiness]

Jamaica...You are so right, this "bad" son...can do no wrong, the mother would even LIE to cover for him when his lies get out. She always had an "excuse" even when he was in JAIL for 10 years.

Between US, this "con" son was always the "favorite" so I am not surprised. The con even let it slip that he will be getting a luxury truck in a few weeks....with what money....you ask...."HIS" insurance policies.

It is a mess, but I'm not surprised really, but I didn't think he would just keep her on life support.

[Bird mama]

On 10/16/2014 sunshine3215 said:

Ladies - I want to thank you all for comments. IT was very helpful, Ms. Bird, thanks, I am sharing your comments with my husband, but the 'con" man (brother) is in control. My husband is mad, and "luckily" we live in another state because I think this would come to blows in the hospital room.

They already don't "like" each other because this is a true case of adult abuse, this brother takes all her money, makes her pay all the bills, etc...

I'm trying to keep my husband "calm" and we will see what happens.

For what it's worth, I know about pneumothorax because one happened to my sister, spontaneously in March 1990. I remember it like it was last week because she was at home, collapsed and I drove her to the ER in fog so thick you couldn't see your hand in front of your face.

Again, I am so very sorry for you, your DH and above all - your MIL.

[2cockers1cat]

2001--My diabetic MIL had a heart attack. The open heart surgery was successful. However, the breastbone and incision did not heal. Massive bacterial infection, dialysis (in her delirium, MIL ripped the shunt out), intubation, ICU, etc. Her last words before intubation were "How could you let this happen to me?", directed at FIL. FIL held her POA, her wishes were in writing and given to both sons. She lingered for 6 weeks in this condition, completely against her directive. The older son wanted her to have every chance to recover and HIS wishes prevailed.

I'm sorry your family is in this painful situation. All you can do is hold your DH's hand. There is no solution. Some people just can't accept that a loved ones illness is terminal.

[GCR18]

My father was on life support. He had COPD and congestive heart failure. The Dr and social worker at the hospital recommended taking him off, but my mother didn't want to because she felt guilty. I got the first flight out and took my mother to the hospital. We met with the Dr and social worker and I got her to see it was the only option. She agreed and they took him off. He was gone shortly after taking the breathing tube out.

[JamicaJammer]

On 10/16/2014 sunshine3215 said:

Jamaica...You are so right, this "bad" son...can do no wrong, the mother would even LIE to cover for him when his lies get out. She always had an "excuse" even when he was in JAIL for 10 years.

Between US, this "con" son was always the "favorite" so I am not surprised. The con even let it slip that he will be getting a luxury truck in a few weeks....with what money....you ask...."HIS" insurance policies.

It is a mess, but I'm not surprised really, but I didn't think he would just keep her on life support.

Sounds so much like my mom's friend's situation!! that woman's late husband worked hard for years and had a wonderful pension for her, their lovely home paid off, and 2 new vehicles paid for when he died. Within 9 months, the bad son moved his wife and 2 kids into that home, trashed the house, wrecked the vehicles, got so many tickets and DUIs they now have no insurance yet he still drives tho he won't let the mom "because it wouldn't be right".....she's to go to her room after dinner nightly while the rest of the family enjoy the Tv, house, etc. She barely has enough money on Soc Sec day to buy McD's breakfast for herself and that's the only day he "lets" her use her own car and only for that meal, etc.

The whole situation drives my own mom bonkers, but she's finally verbally told her friend You CHOOSE to live that way. My mom tried for years to help the woman kick the bad son & his family out, etc., but oh, no, she couldn't possibly do that....

You lay in the bed you made....sadly, even when it's your death bed.

[Tinkerbell3]

I am so sorry that this is happening- So very sad! I do, however, feel that this is not the appropriate place to be asking such an incredibly personal question- Especially regarding life/death!!!

You need to be talking to het doctors at the hospital.

[Sweetbay magnolia]

My dad had a stroke and became a quadriplegic. He died after ten months on a ventilator, IV fluids, IV food, colostomy, catheter. He could not speak nor swallow, but he could move his eyes and head, just slightly. What a horrible existence for a once vibrant man. From what I understood, he had a DNR order, but his wife (the one after my birth mother) refused to acknowledge that the prognosis was hopeless. She had the POA; hence, the control. It was likely that he had full knowledge of everything going on around him - at one point, he kept moving his head around enough to undo the vent - only to have the nurses secure it back in place with a rubber band. He eventually got to the point where hospice was called in, but when time came to unplug him, he seemed to not be able to consent. He loved my stepmom very much.

It was very sad when he passed, with the machines he was connected to still pumping. When I arrived at the hospital after hearing that he was on the brink, the facility was having a fire drill and wouldn't let me into the building. After some persuading, I was allowed in, but it was too late. I hope and pray that your family is spared prolonged agony. Death is agony for those that remain.

I can't even imagine how much 10 months of intensive care cost. He had to be rushed to the ER several times. It was very sad.

[IControlMyHappiness]

JAM....You are saying the truth....the MIL choose this life, she did not go to a lot of her appointments, she gave her money freely.

My husband used to say the "con" brother was stealing from the mother...I told he a few years ago...the person is not stealing when you are willingly GIVING IT AWAY.

This son is the favorite and the favorite was what she wanted.

[Mama2KBR]

On 10/16/2014 sunshine3215 said:

Question, and I'm hoping the ladies on here can help me. My husband's mother is on life support, the "kids" are fighting about keeping her on life support. Some for, some against.

Question, how long can they keep her on life support, also when the person is taken off life support how long will they "live".

All comment are appreciated.

First, let me say that I'm sorry for all of the pain and sadness that you and your husband are going through with your MIL. I know that it's not easy and dealing with difficult family members makes the situation that much more painful for all of you.

As to your questions, I don't have the answers. As to how long she can be kept on life support or when she can be removed, I hate to say this, but unless some sort of agreement is made or the doctor can convince those against it, it may take some sort of legal action to make it happen. If she has absolutely no chance of awakening again, that may be the last resort to having her taken off of it if the brother won't agree.

As to how long it would take her to pass, it varies depending on her condition. Some people pass after days. (They're made as comfortable as possible of course.) And others pass after just a few minutes as was the case with a close family friend who died just last month. Her passing was quick and peaceful.

It's sad circumstances like this that my family members all have Living Wills written. Such a document prevents situations like a PITA brother from interfering with the final wishes of the person whose life is in question.

I wish you luck in this and my thoughts are with you and yours during this very trying time.