Community Chat

[lovesrecess]

I would send a donation to a Jewish charity in her name with a nice card indicating the donation.

[BoopOMatic]

"When people extend an olive branch, it is an olive branch -- with olives. It's easy to spot."

 Exactly. Like perhaps including a note along the lines of, "So sad we've lost touch! Please let us hear from you," etc.

 So yes I agree it's a gift grab.

 Since it's for a young girl, though, I'd include a small check for her, and maybe a nice note, as the silliness isn't her fault.

[chrystaltree]

I also think you are over thinking the invitation and looking for plots and motives where none exist.  It's been 10 years, they are not thinking about your decision not to convert.  It's possible they feel differently about it now, people do change.  I think it's what happens with major gift giving occasions.  Parents invite everyone, even friends and relatives they don't really have a relationship with.  It's happened in our family.  Hubby and his sister are estranged.  We have no relationship with her or her two children who are in their mid twenties.  We were invited to the a christening, we sent our regrets but we sent a lovely card and a $25 gift card.

[agb80]

Sometimes an invitation is really a non invitation in disguise and an insult to the receivers that their inclusion was never wanted. It tugs at emotions for we want to believe that only good intentions could ever be possible when receiving an invitation in the mail or by email. Play the game and send in the bare minimum so that you are not looked upon as a scrooge. 

[ritasNo1Fan]

I would go.  Just to find out what's going on with everybody.  

[Lucky Dog]

@GoneButNotForgotten :  You wrote that you and your husband have tried from time to time to reach out to them and restore family ties, but they did not respond.

Now they reach out to you?

[agb80]

When there is no expression of love you stay home.  One of the deepest cuts is to not hear from a relative during the pandemic. When you're wondering just how much you are loved....just count the number of people that checked up on you by phone, email, etc.

[Sooner]

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@stevieb wrote:

Regardless of all else, I'd try to keep in mind that as tempting as it might be to tweak the 'nemesis', this isn't about her, it's about the daughter... As information trickles forth, I continue to feel that going is clearly out of the question and yes, the invitation was likely issued knowing that, but a small show of generosity toward the girl isn't... A card and a small check and done and no one can say the child wasn't considered or was disrespected... All that said, if the OP had already decided how to proceed then the entire thread was really sort of pointless... 

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@stevieb I think some who have had very painful relationships with in-laws over the years sometimes just need to express it.  They can't leave it alone, and will find any situation available to pick at it.  With some people, it's a delight and a hobby to be horrible to other people if given a chance or an opportunity.

If people haven't contacted you in 10 years, that says it all.  

[Love my grandkids]

@Lucky Dog Didn't reach out during the pandemic, holidays or birthdays. Waited until an event that usually entails a gift.

Yeah, really familial. Easy to judge her huh?

[CrazyDaisy]

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@Sooner wrote:

It always amazes me how many people always assume these things are based on love and affection and how wonderful it would be to get back together and how sweet the people are to invite you and how lovely it would be to be with them and know them.

I so want to live under the sky in that world.  My sky has often come with watches and warnings of rough seas ahead, unfortunately. . . 

If you live under that calm and happy sky you are among the truly blessed in at least some ways in this world. And I wish you many more happy times!

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People will often find what they look for.  When you look for the bad and ulterior motives in people, that is all you will see (ot imagine).