please serious,honest answers only ,no bashing pl... - Page 6

Marienkaefer2 · ‎03-09-2010

On 2/9/2015 MalteseMomma said:
On 2/9/2015 Marienkaefer2 said: I can't imagine not inviting my grandmother to a party like this, especially if I lived in the same house with her! I agree with others that FB was not a good idea. And you need to discuss this in person.

I agree,FB was my mistake ,can I get excused for anger.....lol........I did discuss it in person with my grandson and he said I am important to him and he was sorry. He sort of used the "weather and my panic" excuse.

I am still hurt that it was kept a secret and just don't understand why but sooner or later I have to let it go..........later I will ..........lol

We are a very close family that always support one another.I really do not know why this had to be a secret. When I'm ready I will ask.

and ......no they do not take advantage of me living here,yes they get a rent brake but that's all. They shovel snow and help with many things ,ect,ect. I always enjoyed having family here and felt safe.

I just do not understand this new secret thing. My point was that it should be my choice to go or not right?

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NYC SUSAN, I totally agree with you. Thank you.

I think it's just disrespectful to have planned a family gathering.excluding you or not even telling you about it. My grandparents were the most important people in my life, in addition to my parents and siblings. I could not imagine a scenario where I lived in the same house with them, and having a family party without them....worse not telling them! I think they take you for granted. If they don't want you a part of their lives, then they can get their own.homes, as well.

If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.--Marcus Tullius Cicero

qbetzforreal · ‎08-28-2010

There must be a reason as to why your son and his family have chosen not to include you in two family events. It sounds like your son may have been trying to take an easy way out by saying it was the weather and/or your health. You can accept those reasons or keep pushing and hear something you're not going to like and may hurt your feelings worse not being invited to birthday parties.

Calling someone out on FB never turns out well as you found out.

Raising the rents is a vindictive move. There was never a problem before why now.

MalteseMomma · ‎03-09-2010

I am by no means over this hurt as yet but i spoke with my son today. He explained the party was planed by GS wife, for friends only, but she invited his mom and dad. My dil did not want to go alone ,not knowing sons/wifes friends ,so she asked if my daughter could come,GS wife said ok but don't tell grandma,it is a surprise.

DIL told my daughter not to tell me about it.Which shocks the heck out of me,I thought we had a very special relationship .I am the only mom she has and love her dearly and really thought I was loved the same in return .

Anyway son says I worry when he goes away on trips,vacations, is sick ,ect..... so I wasn't told......don't all moms worry? ...what that has to do with anything I don't know.IMO this still does not justify anything. I can keep a secret!

Well I am enlightened now.I have learned a lesson and I now have to figure out how to control my own life which I have lost over the past few years.I do not know how or why I let this happen but I'm gonna find out and grow up ....again !!!

Thank you everyone for your kind replys and not making this thread a bashing one Smile

Anniecamp · ‎03-12-2010

MalteseMomma, I am so sorry this has been happening to you. My first thought was that maybe the younger crowd wanted to celebrate without grandma there. Don't know.

I have read the entire thread, and think I would call a "family meeting", and include ALL of the ones involved. This didn't happen once, but twice. Personally, it seems kind of sneaky on their parts. The one at a time conversations, I don't think, cover it. It would give them a chance to say "why". Maybe you wouldn't appreciate the answers, but, at least you'd have an idea as to what's been happening.

It sounds like you've been giving it some thought, and if you don't have pets, I would also consider getting out of that situation. Also, I would quit bailing dd out of messes. She has to grow up sometime. Sadly, you won't be here forever. We all face that.

If you do decide to put your house up for sale, I would not mention it, as someone else suggested. It could cause problems. Once you decide, and the sign is going to go up out front, then I would tell them. They would have plenty of time to make other arrangements, or, maybe the new owner would consider allowing them to continue to rent, at regular rates.

I hope this all gets resolved for you. It sounds like your relatives have had it so good for so long, that they've been taking it all for granted.

Hugs to you!

MalteseMomma · ‎03-09-2010

On 2/9/2015 Anniecamp said:
MalteseMomma, I am so sorry this has been happening to you. My first thought was that maybe the younger crowd wanted to celebrate without grandma there. Don't know.

I have read the entire thread, and think I would call a "family meeting", and include ALL of the ones involved. This didn't happen once, but twice. Personally, it seems kind of sneaky on their parts. The one at a time conversations, I don't think, cover it. It would give them a chance to say "why". Maybe you wouldn't appreciate the answers, but, at least you'd have an idea as to what's been happening.

It sounds like you've been giving it some thought, and if you don't have pets, I would also consider getting out of that situation. Also, I would quit bailing dd out of messes. She has to grow up sometime. Sadly, you won't be here forever. We all face that.

If you do decide to put your house up for sale, I would not mention it, as someone else suggested. It could cause problems. Once you decide, and the sign is going to go up out front, then I would tell them. They would have plenty of time to make other arrangements, or, maybe the new owner would consider allowing them to continue to rent, at regular rates.

I hope this all gets resolved for you. It sounds like your relatives have had it so good for so long, that they've been taking it all for granted.

Hugs to you!

Thank you, that is very good info and I plan to do that I have been sitting here letting everyone else do everything with my life for so long I have forgotten how to do it myself.I used to be a very independent person and somehow I gave up and let others take over . Not a good thing. I had made a full and busy life after dh died but my kids (adult) always came around and got between me and what I was doing and dragged me off with them, so I gave up and did nothing anymore,except if it was with them....how did that happen???

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

Time to take back your life and invite some friends over!! Make it a point to begin to call one or two each day. Just for a chat. You can explain to them what you said in your last post....that you have been very involved with your family as the years passed by, and would just love to also have your friends in your life! A good balance of friends and family. Not too much of one or the other is sometimes a good thing. Lots of good luck! We'll be checking in to see how you are doing regarding rekindling your previous friends and acquaintances.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

Group 5 minus 1 · ‎03-11-2010

I think selling and moving is a great idea but selling real estate today is difficult and then all the moving. This story breaks my heart. She needs an advocate to help.

MalteseMomma · ‎03-09-2010

On 2/10/2015 ncascade said:
I think selling and moving is a great idea but selling real estate today is difficult and then all the moving. This story breaks my heart. She needs an advocate to help.

That was my first thought......an advocate,how do you go about doing that ?

I do have a niece that does financial stuff I'm sure would advise me where/how to begin.

I do not even know how much I'm invested in,which I only know was a lot

My property is worth a lot of money in a prime real estate area .People are literally begging for this property. If I knocked down this house I could build 4 x's (maybe more) what I have now and rent or sell it for $900,000 each, or more, in the blink of an eye. That is what happened next door to me recently and all around me.All the original homes are mostly gone only 1 or 2 like mine are left.

I am overwhelmed because I let everything just slide along and was not paying attention.This certainly was a wake up call.

5 min to NYC too.

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

Maltesemomma, this is a difficult position you are in, and I am sorry your family is treating you the way they are, with that being said, it does sound like you want to get some distance between you and your family which is probably a good idea.

My first thought when I read you last post #58...I would NOT ask any family for advice, go outside the family. Once you tell one family member every one will know your business and it is none of their business. If you need a financial advisor ask friends or if you have a lawyer ask that person, keep your family out of your personal affairs.

At some point you may need assisted living so if you sold your property it would need to be invested wisely so that you have money to pay for any help you may need in the future, protect your self first, everything else will fall into place.

My dh and I have no children together, he has two from a previous marriage and even if we did have children together they would never know what we had or how much we were/are worth....none of their concern, but they have never asked either! They can be suprised or disappointed when the will is read.

I wish you luck and let us know what you decide to do!!