Community Chat

[MalteseMomma]

Ok, I am a 77 yr old gramma. I thought we have a close family. Grandkids are all adults. I own the house I live in My grandson and his wife rent my basement apt. have been there for many years.My daughter age 60 lives in my upstairs apt all at reduced rents .We are a close knit family......or so I thought..

Well this Oct 12 is grandsons BD. His wife planned a surprise birthday party this past fri nite, The whole family was invited but not me.I was not even told a thing about it like a secret ,until my dd spilled the beans Saturday morning after it was over.

I am so hurt that I was not told about it at all much less not invited. My son says it was icy and cold out so I was not invited and besides I get panic attacks going out.

I say as his grama, I should have been invited or at least informed of it and it should have been my choice if I went or not, not not invited or not told about it at all, at all ( yes,I can keep a secret,especially a surprise) We see each other daily,talk a lot together daily,they use my washer and park in my driveway (blocking me in daily) and everything else a "close united " family would do.

They also made all guests pay for the "honor" of being invited to this "surprise" birthday party. What do you thik of that too????

This is not the first time I have not been invited.They did this to me on my sons birthday too and they knew how upset I was about it.

I guess grammas and moms are not as important in families anymore, as I thought they were. Is this true?

[hckynut]

I think if they did so because they were concerned about your health or your safety, the very least they could have done is ask you. Now were this me? I would let them know, in no uncertain terms, that I am NOT buying what they are selling. I am very sorry this happened to you.

[BellaPaprika]

My first reaction is to think they're using you for the reduced rent. Hate to say it but why else would it have been kept secret? If they didn't invite you because they think you don't like to go out they could have told you about it and said "we wish you could be there but we know you get panic attacks" or whatever.

As difficult as it is to face, family may not always feel about us the same as we do about them. And, sadly, they have more power than anyone else to hurt our feelings. Living together in a family setting can be fun (we did years ago) and so I guess you need to weigh the benefits of that with the pains of how they treat you.

And I would have an open and frank talk with all of them and let them know you don't want this happening again. They need to at least pay you the courtesy of declining an invitation as opposed to them deciding not to even let you know there's a party.

[MalteseMomma]

Thanks john, I did that, now no one is talking to me. My heart is broken. This happened last year too and I told them how I felt about it ,you would think they would known better than to do it again.

They should have told me about it and left the choice of going up to me. IMO

Maybe I have been exaggerating my own importance in this family

[reiki604]

I would be honest with grandsons wife and directly ask her why I was not invited and tell her my feelings were hurt. I would not bring up the reduced rent but would keep it in mind for the future if I decided the apartment was worth more.

[BellaPaprika]

On 2/8/2015 MalteseMomma said:

Thanks john, I did that, now no one is talking to me. My heart is broken. This happened last year too and I told them how I felt about it ,you would think they would known better than to do it again.

They should have told me about it and left the choice of going up to me. IMO

Maybe I have been exaggerating my own importance in this family

That's a difficult conversation to have with yourself, MM. Different circumstances in my own case but in the past few years I've had to face the fact that a very close relative does not feel about me the way I thought she did or the way I felt about her. It felt very much as if she had died because I realized the person I thought I knew was gone and would never return.

[MalteseMomma]

BlueCollarBabe you are right, Thank you . I wanted was to know if I was wrong or right in my feelings,because they don't think so, and according to both of you ,you agree,I should have been told and the decision to go or not up to me.

I feel used and like everyone is waiting for me to die and inherit everything. I just want to disappear out of all their lives.

I am now the crazy old lady. I have let everything go on too long and always with a smile,because I guess I was afraid of not being able to handle things on my own.That was stupid of me.

Going to take back my own life somehow. Just gotta figure out how

I'm so sorry for your disappointment too.

[ROMARY]

D/P

[BellaPaprika]

On 2/8/2015 ROMARY 1 said:

I'm still stuck on: What does icy and cold have to do with anything???? I thought that O/P lives in the same house, one couple living in the basement and the daughter living above O/P. I guess I missed something.....

I'm assuming the party was held at a restaurant or other venue, not at home.

[MalteseMomma]

Reki, I did, not face to face but in a bad choice on FB when she thanked everyone for coming. I stated I was not invited and got deleted and yelled at by her FIL ,who is my son

I did face to face tell my grandson I was so hurt ( I bumped into him outside) and he did not say he was sorry, he just said I AM important to him and that was all.