Community Chat

[blackhole99]

Let's face it we are a youth oriented society and as we age and start to have problems our younger family members may not want to deal with it. I have an elderly aunt who is becoming increasingly difficult to be around because she no longer has any filter on what she says. Also, she lost her husband and never had any children so the nieces and nephews are supposed to stand in. There is no being honest with the elderly because all you do is hurt their feelings and you look like an a--hole.

[Mom2Dogs]

On 2/10/2015 MalteseMomma said:

good advice ,thank you

how do I find a financial advisor?

There is a lawyer next door to me I was thinking of going to him to guide me how to do all this.

My son has taken care of my whole like for 20 yrs and I never had to even think .This was not a good thing to let happen.

You can ask the lawyer if he can recommend someone to look over your finances, you might want to interview several financial advisors. Our financial person charges us a yearly fee based on our assets, we think that is best (for us), some advisors charge you everytime you make a trade/purchase, that could get very expensive! You need to make sure you do not outlive your money.

When you say your son has taken care of you your whole life, do you mean he has handled your money...if so, at that time it probably seemed like a good idea but you might want to rethink that, but you probably need to carefully do this, if you think there is a rift now, hang on, when money/power is involved people get crazy, hopefully this is not the case for you.

If it were me I would just let the family know, when the time is right (like after it is done) you want/need to get your affairs in order in case of an emergency and you are going to start being more proactive, and take the burden off them.....there is nothing wrong with that! You need a will, power of attorney, medical power of attorney, etc.

[ROMARY]

D/P

[MalteseMomma]

RoMary that is excellent advice,thanks

Thank you all for your help. We probably should let this thread go for now,since it is going to take a while to straighten myself out.

I won't be doing anything much for a while as I get over my hurt and anger., except thinking about making some plans for myself.

So once I get started,I'll be back to tell all of you how it goes.

Thanks everyone,for all these helpfull answers and no nasty posts............

[game-on]

I would like to suggest that you think about one other thing.... you are 77.... you don't want to do anything to sever the ties with your family.... you may need them in these latter years. I think you have been given some great advice about financial planning etc.... and I know you feel so hurt right now. However, you need some people in your corner if you are sick etc. I am 73 and I live in a senior community and I see healthy seniors who all of a sudden have some health crisis... and then they cant get out, sometimes for a few days, sometimes for a few weeks. I wish you the best.

[SleeplessinSD]

On 2/11/2015 game-on said:

I would like to suggest that you think about one other thing.... you are 77.... you don't want to do anything to sever the ties with your family.... you may need them in these latter years. I think you have been given some great advice about financial planning etc.... and I know you feel so hurt right now. However, you need some people in your corner if you are sick etc. I am 73 and I live in a senior community and I see healthy seniors who all of a sudden have some health crisis... and then they cant get out, sometimes for a few days, sometimes for a few weeks. I wish you the best.

Very good advice.....I totally agree Game-On.

[ROMARY]

Yes, just relax for now. Maybe call a few previous friends, etc. Just say that you're keeping in touch. Maybe invite them over for a cup of coffee for Valentine's Day, or St. Patrick's Day, etc. It will be fun! Balance in our lives is very important.

[MalteseMomma]

On 2/11/2015 game-on said:

I would like to suggest that you think about one other thing.... you are 77.... you don't want to do anything to sever the ties with your family.... you may need them in these latter years. I think you have been given some great advice about financial planning etc.... and I know you feel so hurt right now. However, you need some people in your corner if you are sick etc. I am 73 and I live in a senior community and I see healthy seniors who all of a sudden have some health crisis... and then they cant get out, sometimes for a few days, sometimes for a few weeks. I wish you the best.

yes,I think about this.I'm kinda old to move,I have lived here so long.Actually I expected to die here too... I have a lot to think about.

I think this whole party thing was not handled correctly.

My daughter messed up the most.She has a little jealous streak in her, so I think she trumped up this whole thing a little bit bigger than it was. I do not know why she had to tell me at all ,but she didn't waste a minute that next day.IActually I didn't even know she had gone out..........lol

Truthfully,I wouldn'thave gone anyway now that I know the story,it was all GS friends that I don't know .The keeping it a secret ,well I think DD took it out of context. It wasn't to be kept a secret from me,it was to keep it a secret from my GS.

Whatever it was I'll work it out..............

Thanks so much everyone for listening,offering great advice and not blasting me

[Cookie06]

On 2/9/2015 GoodStuff said:

On 2/9/2015 MalteseMomma said:

On 2/9/2015 GoodStuff said:

I wonder why you're renting apartments in your home to family members long-term "at reduced rents". Frankly, it sounds like you're housing dependent, manipulative moochers. Instead of worrying about whether you're invited to a party (which in reality you might not have enjoyed or chosen to attend, considering your age, bad winter weather, and your tendency to panic attacks), I'd be worrying about being used and disrespected by family members. Maybe it's time to change your living situation.......maybe put your big house on the market, tell the moochers it's time to rent their own places, and consider moving into a smaller apartment or perhaps a senior community.

That has been a consideration I am thinking about. I do not know where I got lost along the way,but I intend to start looking for me very soon. Thank you

Good for you! You'll probably be happier if you get yourself set up in a place with services, security, transportation, and social opportunities with peers. If I were in my mid/late 70's and single, I'd certainly be looking at nice senior communities and wouldn't want the upkeep of a big house! Your relatives will be quite surprised to learn you aren't tied to them and plan to paddle your own canoe! It isn't too late for a whole new chapter!

Such a hurtful and inconsiderate thing to do to you. I have to agree with the above poster about selling you big old house and moving to a senior community. They seem to be very ungrateful for the reduced rent and all the amenities. It is time for them to take care of themselves starting with having to pay full rent for a place probably not half as nice as your beautiful home. I am hurting for you and I know how you feel. I just don't understand how anyone could be so cruel to their own Mother and Grandmother. There is absolutely NO EXCUSE for doing this to you.

[ROMARY]

D/P