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Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,139
Registered: ‎04-16-2010

He's using you. 

 

You want to be close to him  and he sees you as someone who can be played. You have a decision to make: continue him using you so you can be close to your only family member OR say "see ya, jerk" and find companionship elsewhere.

 

Hugs and good luck.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,927
Registered: ‎06-08-2016

Re: Sibling Squabble

[ Edited ]

You owe him NOTHING

You are not his maid, chef or travel agent.

 

You buy his BEER??

Since he just left in a huff, I'll be right there!

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 21,488
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@CrazyDaisy wrote:

@SeaMaiden wrote:

@RainCityWoman wrote:

All I can say is I wish I had siblings. I know there are always disagreements within families, but my feeling is people need to cling to those ties. They are your blood and your essence, no matter what. No one else but your siblings share what you share. 


must be why there are so  many family murders and massacres..... all that loving blood and essence LOL!


Horrible thing to say, then laugh.


@CrazyDaisy  Should have left that off..my apologies if it offended you. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 24,230
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

I think for some people that old squabbling with sibblings stuff just never ends.  I like to think that now that my siblings and I are all in our 50's, we have handle on it.  We are who we are but I think we know how to stop pushing each other's buttons and at long last, we accept the importance of being honest with each other.  Also, we know how to walk away from a fight.  I say I like to think all that but time will tell.   I think in your case, you aren't close to him.  You never liked his visits, you always felt used and put upon.  He visited to often.  Accepting that all the things you say are true...so what?  You NEVER told him any of that!  You never limited his visits, you never set ground rules.  You never asked him for anything.  How the heck was the man to know that you weren't on board with his visits?  Mind reading?  You thought you were hiding tha inner volcano that was about to blow but your bother picked up on it.  Anyone would, there must have been steam coming out of your ears.  Yes, he blew up because occurred to him that you didn't want him there and probably never.  I think there's not much you can do now.  Give him some time, a few days to calm down.  Obviously, you don't really communicate with him but if you want to maintain a relationship with him, perhaps you should write him a letter or send an email and say what you said to us but say in a kind, sisterly manner.  A dozen visits over a two year period was certainly too much!  Yes, it was a free vacation for him but remember YOU never set limits or objected in any way.  You are the one who went out of your wait to treat him like an honored guest.  Honestly, I would not take my husband who I adore on a 7 hour road trip.  That alone would have given me a migraine.  And he definitely felt the negative vibes from you which is why he didn't eat lunch.  My guess is you didn't ask for gas money before you set out on that day trip.      

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,117
Registered: ‎06-16-2015

Re: Sibling Squabble

[ Edited ]

@SeaMaiden wrote:

@RainCityWoman wrote:

All I can say is I wish I had siblings. I know there are always disagreements within families, but my feeling is people need to cling to those ties. They are your blood and your essence, no matter what. No one else but your siblings share what you share. 


must be why there are so  many family murders and massacres..... all that loving blood and essence.


Why thank you for stomping all over my heartfelt sentiments. Murders and violence are not exclusive to families, despite your claims. But hey, you got a laugh from someone, so that's all that matters.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,659
Registered: ‎06-25-2012

OP, How can you ask here opinions on a one sided family spat? I would like to hear your brothers side of this relationship. I just don't think its fair to ask our opinion when we are only hearing your side. 

"Pure Michigan"
Honored Contributor
Posts: 24,230
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

@ID2 wrote:

OP, How can you ask here opinions on a one sided family spat? I would like to hear your brothers side of this relationship. I just don't think its fair to ask our opinion when we are only hearing your side. 

 

She's worried about him.  I am one of 5 siblings and even without hearing his side, I think I can see how things went wrong her.  His frequent visits were an imposition for her but never in the two years did she ever once set ground rules or tell him how she honestly felt.  In fact, she did all thing things that would give anyone the impression that she truly enjoyed his visits and enjoyed catering to him.  And then, she began to boil inwardly and steam started come out of her ears and the bother could feel the resentment and anger but she still hadn't said anything to him.  He left in a huff.  I do hope she can open up and have an honest comversation with him, and he with her since they are the only family they have.  


 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,757
Registered: ‎01-18-2012

Do not even stress about this - he has more to lose than you, free holiday, etc.  Leave him alone let him come to you.  Sorry but I think your brother needs to grow up - definitely not worth getting in a state about.  Leave it be fir a while hopefully he will come back to you which, indeed, he should.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,097
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: Sibling Squabble

[ Edited ]

you have been more than a gracious host. You have let a family member stay free of charge not for 1 day but for several days at time over a period of several years.

 

he knows this is a free vacation for him, he is using you and taking advantage of you to innth degree.

 

you spoke up or at least tried too and all he did was tell you YOU WERE BEING UNGRACIOUS. He knew he was at fault and only way to make himself to feel better is to "lit into you"  to make you feel bad so he would not feel any guilt.

 

I would send call or send an email. letting him know if he wants to come again, the vacation will now cost him money for food,gas,entertainment and so forth. He will not show up again.

 

are you better off without him?  don't know how close you were with him growing up. granted he is only family you have left, but is it worth having him take so 'GRAND ADVANTAGE" of you, is it worth keeping him close to you.

 

my 3 sisters are all i have left in my family. I have not seen them nor talked with them in over 30 yrs. they know where I live and what phone number is and address is it isn't worth holding my breathe .

they chose to be pals with each other (that I know thru friends who still live in my home town) and posting on facebook about vacations they are on thru their kids.

 

you will have to figure out what is going to work best for you to solve this spat tiff. what ever you decide do hope it will give you peace.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,977
Registered: ‎09-01-2010

I realized years ago that growing up in a house with 2 brothers only started the connection of us being related and sharing the same parents.  

 

My brothers were pre-teen and teenager when I moved out and started my married life.   Visiting me in my house, eating meals at my house, made them see me differently.   Helping them with school projects, watching them finish school, helping them learn to drive, get their first jobs, etc., made me see them differently.   Our relationships changed; grew much deeper and more defined.   As young siblings we fought, and we’ve never forgotten some of our best fights, but we do not fight as adults.   No harsh words, no hard feelings between us.  

 

I know my brothers are only a text or call away, as do they.   We are proud of our relationship and don’t use, or abuse each other.   I pray for my brothers daily, and am determined to never let anything come between us.   

 

I think you and your brother need to define your sibling relationship and make it what you want it to be.   Best wishes to you!