Community Chat

[Sunnyfield]

OK - I may be opening up a can of worms but I am interested to know if anyone ever had an experience similar to mine....

Years ago (I'm talking early 70's) I was in college and one of the typical spring events was for fraternities to have "house parties" in Florida - they would rent a block of rooms on the beach and take dates for a long weekend - chaperones were there of course, and boys/girls had separate rooms...but you know how that went...

Any way, I was there with a guy I was dating...went to my room where one of my roomates was sleeping with her boyfriend...I laid down (in my clothes) and went to sleep - woke up with a guy on top of my trying to take my shorts off...he was very drunk (I knew him - he was a fraternity brother of my date and was engaged to be married) - instead of being scared or horrified - I was embarrassed!!! Yes, embarrassed and kept trying to quietly get him off me but not wake up my roommate and her bf!!  They finally did wake up and said something like "Get your own room" or "Can't you guys be quiet?"  He ripped my shorts but never did get them off me - he finally passed out - I got out of the room and went to look for my date - never found him but found another girl and we went to her room -  I never reported it...never told anyone except my date who laughed it off and said..."That figures...He's just a sloppy drunk - everyone knows it"...and blew it off...

Looking back, I am shocked at my attitude - feeling like I had done something wrong to attract his attention - and being embarrassed by the whole thing!!  I don't think I ever even thought about it as an assault until quite recently....

Just curious as to what my fellow QVC posters think or may have experienced...

TIA

Sunny

Looking back, I'm sort of amazed

[milkbone]

Thanks for your share, there is alot going on here.

Many people said nothing, did nothing. Times have changed, sorta :-(

Your friends were no help, your date no help :-(

When someone rips you clothes, you were saying no.

And the creep was engaged :-(

A few years ago my sisters daughter was murdered :-(

It changed the way I see things.

[CalMom]

Sorry to hear that happened to you. Yes, that sort of thing probably happened to many of us with the kind of response your boyfriend had.

Young men and women are more informed of appropriate and inappropriate behavior. Hopefully, they will Get It! Otherwise, like some, throw their lives away with unacceptable behavior.

At my son's college, there was a player on his team (redshirt freshman) that was accused of rape/attempted rape. He was immediately suspended by the college. A few months later, other girls accused him of a similar thing. There was a campaign on facebook and a you tube video that tried to promote him as a good young man being accused of wrongdoing that was false. It was also noted that the 4 year college was wrong in suspending him since he was not convicted. Two years later, he pleabargained and went to jail for 6 months and was required to go into a treatment program. However, when he got out, he went back to the sport at a junior college and won some awards this past season.

I saw his facebook page and one of the things that was noted that he received a Mercedes for his High School Graduation. That probably sealed the deal in most people's minds that he always got what he wanted.

Hopefully, the young girls are doing well.

[jlkz]

It is truly amazing what our minds can do to protect (?) us from things that have happened in the past.

Without going into any details, I recall one day realizing how narrowly I escaped.....  The word never crossed my mind until my late 60's.

[ChynnaBlue]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. And I think what you've described about your feels afterward is one of the reasons rape or attempted rape is still under reported. (Even more so for men who are raped.) 

Hopefully that guy never did anything like that again, but when something doesn't get reported, it gives the attacker confidence that he or she can get away with it again. But at the same time, everything conspires against the people who do report: The police are often skeptical, the hospital may charge you for a rape kit, the rape kit may never be tested (See various news articles on the HUGE backlog of untested rape kits around the country), the case may go to trial YEARS later, the defense will blame you, friends may get mad at you, the rapist's friends may harass you, social media may dox you (post your personal information), and the media may out you or accuse you of lying, and people you never met before will insist that you "deserved it" or are lying. Women who report are so brave.

I've been called for jury duty many times and the only time I served was for a rape trial where a man was accused of raping a 14-year-old girl. The case took two years to go to trial, so she was just starting to heal when she had to testify in court. She ran away from home the morning she was scheduled to testify because it was so traumatic. (They did find her safely the next day.) The court clerk read her testimony from deposition or a grand jury hearing instead of making her testify. Her boyfriend at the time of the attack was made to witness it by the attacker and he did testify. It was heartbreaking.

[DoneTryin]

I'm sorry you had that experience!  I had a similar experience in college.  In thinking back on it, I realize what it really was (I don't want to use the phrase here).  Unfortunately, victims of these kinds of crimes still struggle to be heard & believed.  Although attitudes have changed a lot since I was in college in the sixties, there's still a lot of room for improvement.

[Lotus]

I had an "experience" back in the mid to late 70's  that I still question in my mind today, about what really happened.

[NickNack]

I'm really sorry that happened  to you @Sunnyfield.  I was date raped in my 20's.  I'm 59 now.  I was very confused and thought I might have done something to encourage him.  I think at some level I realized it was rape, but it took me a while to completely believe it.  

[fortune]

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@CalMom wrote:

Sorry to hear that happened to you. Yes, that sort of thing probably happened to many of us with the kind of response your boyfriend had.

Young men and women are more informed of appropriate and inappropriate behavior. Hopefully, they will Get It! Otherwise, like some, throw their lives away with unacceptable behavior.

At my son's college, there was a player on his team (redshirt freshman) that was accused of rape/attempted rape. He was immediately suspended by the college. A few months later, other girls accused him of a similar thing. There was a campaign on facebook and a you tube video that tried to promote him as a good young man being accused of wrongdoing that was false. It was also noted that the 4 year college was wrong in suspending him since he was not convicted. Two years later, he pleabargained and went to jail for 6 months and was required to go into a treatment program. However, when he got out, he went back to the sport at a junior college and won some awards this past season.

I saw his facebook page and one of the things that was noted that he received a Mercedes for his High School Graduation. That probably sealed the deal in most people's minds that he always got what he wanted.

Hopefully, the young girls are doing well.

---

I know of a television star who raped many many women.  He got off without being caught, and his loving wife kept her mouth shut.

[SeaMaiden]

@Sunnyfield   You do not mention if there was drinking involved in the situation. I assume there was.  Also, getting young men and Women together in such a situation is asking for trouble. The fellow that attacked you was wrong. You did nothing wrong except to be in a bad situation. As a young person like you in the 70's I myself made many bad  decisions....that is what young people do. I think young people just do not have the ability to foresee what may transpire in any given situation. Thank goodness you got away from him.