Community Chat

[ChynnaBlue]

Side note: I would like to thank the QVC mods for allowing this discussion and the post about Law & Order: SVU. On the old forums, we couldn't even write some of these words without them being censored. This kind of discussion is important and I thank the mods for letting us have it.

[Mz iMac]

Any watching "American Crime?"  This season involves male on male rape.

[Puppy Lips]

I am sorry that happened to you.  I think a lot of women have had similar experiences.  Two things happened to me that I can recall.  Back in the 80's when I was working in a downtown office, I was in the parking lot with a guy who worked for a different company.  We had been friendly.  He was very funny and always made me laugh.  When we were walking back into the building, he all of a sudden grabbed me and kissed me.  I was totally shocked and pushed him away.  I don't recall what I said to him at the time, but I am sure he got the idea that I was not receptive to advances from him.  I did not see him or talk to him much after that.

Then in the early 2000's, I was working for a different company.  There was a male underwriter who I had known for a long time.  This guy was always a huge flirt and was fun to be with.  He was always pushing the envelope with me -- with what he said and did.  Most of the time I just laughed it off and moved away from him.  However the most aggregeous  thing he did was when he ran his hand over my backside.  That was clearly sexual harassment.  But I knew I could handle this guy and kept my distance.  I never felt in danger or really disrespected in any way.  I learned later that another employee filed a lawsuit against him.

[151949]

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@Sunnyfield wrote:

OK - I may be opening up a can of worms but I am interested to know if anyone ever had an experience similar to mine....

Years ago (I'm talking early 70's) I was in college and one of the typical spring events was for fraternities to have "house parties" in Florida - they would rent a block of rooms on the beach and take dates for a long weekend - chaperones were there of course, and boys/girls had separate rooms...but you know how that went...

Any way, I was there with a guy I was dating...went to my room where one of my roomates was sleeping with her boyfriend...I laid down (in my clothes) and went to sleep - woke up with a guy on top of my trying to take my shorts off...he was very drunk (I knew him - he was a fraternity brother of my date and was engaged to be married) - instead of being scared or horrified - I was embarrassed!!! Yes, embarrassed and kept trying to quietly get him off me but not wake up my roommate and her bf!!  They finally did wake up and said something like "Get your own room" or "Can't you guys be quiet?"  He ripped my shorts but never did get them off me - he finally passed out - I got out of the room and went to look for my date - never found him but found another girl and we went to her room -  I never reported it...never told anyone except my date who laughed it off and said..."That figures...He's just a sloppy drunk - everyone knows it"...and blew it off...

Looking back, I am shocked at my attitude - feeling like I had done something wrong to attract his attention - and being embarrassed by the whole thing!!  I don't think I ever even thought about it as an assault until quite recently....

Just curious as to what my fellow QVC posters think or may have experienced...

TIA

Sunny

Looking back, I'm sort of amazed

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As for the OP's experience - my Mother made sure before I left to go away to school that I was fully aware of the facts of life including that one should never "go away" for an overnight with a boy, because you could possibly expect to be in a compromising situation. When i was 19 and started dating a man 10 years older than I was and divorced my Mom decided it was probably a very good time for me to see the gyne and get on BCPs. She was correct about that.Mothers should be realistic and be sure that young girls know ALL the facts of life - not just the biology of it but also the social side of how things actually are.

[MomCat]

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@Lotus wrote:

I had an "experience" back in the mid to late 70's  that I still question in my mind today, about what really happened.

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I seem to have that same kind of memory. 

[Another new name Sue]

So many of Bill Cosby's targets are coming forward from long ago.  Let's hope there is a lesson in this for all women that it's important to speak up.  Don't be embarrassed, guilty, or ashamed.  Thank you Sunnyfield for sharing. It's a nice opportunity for others to share as well, even those who posted a one- or two-liner.  I never had such an experience but certainly stupidly put myself in some dangerous situations.  Lucky me.

[Caligurll]

When I was around 16 or 17 I was at a party that I shouldn't have been at.  On of the guys I had known for a long time grabbed me when I was on the way to the bathroom and pulled me into a bedroom and pushed me down on the bed.  Fortunately he was too drunk and too big (probably around 400 pounds) to do anything except crush me and attempt to fondle me and get my clothing off of me.  It was terrifying.   I don't remember exactly how I got away, but  I think someone heard me screaming over the music and cqme in the room and put a stop to it.

I wanted to call the sheriff, but the guy whose house the party was being held talked me out of it. 

[esmerelda]

No experience, happily.  You were embarrassed rather than terrified because he was drunk, you knew him, your date knew him, you were in a room with two other people you knew.  Quite different from being grabbed in a dark alley by a sober stranger with a weapon.

You were sleeping and, again, he was drunk.  How can you think you caused it or brought it on yourself or however you put it?

And what has caused you to drag up this memory?

Have you seen him in all these years?

I think your boyfriend had a good reaction.  Of course he was taking his cue from you.  If you'd been screaming hysterically, he'd probably have reacted differently than he did.

[esmerelda]

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@SeaMaiden wrote:

@Sunnyfield   You do not mention if there was drinking involved in the situation. I assume there was.  Also, getting young men and Women together in such a situation is asking for trouble. The fellow that attacked you was wrong. You did nothing wrong except to be in a bad situation. As a young person like you in the 70's I myself made many bad  decisions....that is what young people do. I think young people just do not have the ability to foresee what may transpire in any given situation. Thank goodness you got away from him.

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@SeaMaiden...She said he was drunk.

[esmerelda]

"Repressed memories"...can be a dangerous thing.