Community Chat

[vicki is ok]

I use to come in here all the time, but my husband became ill 4 months ago with what we thought was something he could get over(kidney issues). After a long 4 months he was told there was nothing they could do. We came home from hospital and went into Hospice.

 Monday, Sept, 25th he passed away. I feel nothing now. No happiness, no pain, no hope. Is this normal? We were married 32 years and I try so hard to keep postive for our disabled daughter who is 23.

I'm sorry if I'm posting this in the wrong place.

[SarahW]

I'm so very sorry for your loss, Vicki.   I imagine you are still in shock, so please take care of yourself.   My sincerest condolences and good wishes to you.

[BirkiLady]

Sincere condolences. Recently lost my mom after 14 years as a dementia patient . . . and yes, you are in shock. This is the body's natural coping process. Don't make any huge changes for at least one year. You will go through the stages of grief and the tears will flow. They are so healthy and nothing to be embarrased about; let them flow naturally whenever and wherever. My heart grieves with you for your loss.

Do you have a place offering classes on the stages of grief? Some people find great comfort from the fellowship and information provided. Check into it please through a Church, hospital, or even the mortuary for additional information in your community.

Warm hugs and best wishes for you. 

[dooBdoo]

            I'm so sorry, @vicki is ok.   I agree with @SarahW's and @BirkiLady's thoughtful posts.   What you're feeling is normal.   Please give yourself time and be gentle and forgiving with yourself.   My prayers for you and all who love your dear husband, may he rest in peace and live on in your memories and your celebration of his life.❤️   

[vicki is ok]

Thank you so much for your quick replies. We were in the process of moving back to our home state in Indiana when all of this started.

I still want to move there so that our daughter can be near family.

I have cried many tears while he was ill and as he was dying, but now I feel nothing. I loved him greatly and I just don't understand why I can't cry anymore.

[dooBdoo]

---

BirkiLady wrote:

Sincere condolences. Recently lost my mom after 14 years as a dementia patient . . . and yes, you are in shock. This is the body's natural coping process. Don't make any huge changes for at least one year. You will go through the stages of grief and the tears will flow. They are so healthy and nothing to be embarrased about; let them flow naturally whenever and wherever. My heart grieves with you for your loss.

Do you have a place offering classes on the stages of grief? Some people find great comfort from the fellowship and information provided. Check into it please through a Church, hospital, or even the mortuary for additional information in your community.

Warm hugs and best wishes for you. 

---

(((@BirkiLady)))❤️

[BirkiLady]

You may have grieved while your husband was so ill. Cannot answer that question. We all grieve differently. I didn't cry much; but when the tears hit, it was always in an akward place. I decided to let them fall since they were so seldom. Family and friends were fine and understood. 

In you case, if moving was already in the plans go ahead and do so. Your daughter already know of the impending move and is planning on it. It's not an unheaval for her. Best wishes on your new life. 

[beach-mom]

@vicki is ok - I am so sorry. From my experience, sometimes the tears just don't come right away, but they will later. You might be in a state of disbelief, and you said you are trying to be positive for your disabled daughter. Do you have a close friend or family member you can sit with and confide in? Also, you might want to get join a support group for widows and widowers. You will be able to talk about your feelings there. As others have said, be sure and take care of yourself. And know we are all thinking of you. I will be praying for you and your daughter. 

[daisyk]

@vicki is ok...I'm so very sorry for your loss. I haven't lost my husband, but I have lost a daughter and many other loved ones. As others have mentioned, I think it's really normal to be numb at this point. Everyone does grieve differently. Be gentle with yourself and try not to have too many expectations of yourself. When you're feeling up to it, try a bereavement group-either one that meets in person or I found some online groups that were great. It really helps to connect with others going through the same thing, even it you're not really social by nature, which I am not. Prayers for you and your daughter.

[LTT1]

@vicki is ok

I am so very sorry for your loss.