Re: MOM IS BEGINNING TO FORGET

Montana · ‎03-09-2010

If you can get your mom to wear her cell phone, it would always be with her in case of an emergency. There are flat, unobtrusive fanny packs (or belt bags) that lie close to the body and are barely noticeable. I have one and wear my own cell phone like this.

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@Carmie Points well taken, but doc wants no part of it...if said not capable of driving, would be sending letters for 75% of his patients over 80.

I don’t live close enough to do the driving....She refuses public transportation or the van service provided by the community. If I report to the DMV, cannot be done without giving my name. That would be so hurtful to her....Yes, it’s also hurtful to have her kill someone w/ car. We’re still going over options....even explaining the upkeep, insurance costs, etc. of owning the car.

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

@Shanus, I hope you have the Power of Atty. You will probably have to lay down the law with love to your mom. I understand the position you're in, but it's time probably, where you need to take over some things even when she digs her feet in. It's for her you are doing this, even if she may not agree. JMHO Best of luck.

Tricolor · ‎04-19-2010

@Shanus, I have been there. My Mom passed away last February at the age of 95. A little background history. My Dad was 82 when he passed and my Mom was 83 and continued to do very well on her own. At the age of 89 I was getting concerned that it was time to move out of her home. We moved her into an independent living place and she did very well. At first she was adamant that she did not want to move. One day after she moved, she thanked me for doing it. Then when she turned 94 I saw more changes. She wasn't going to church anymore and was neglecting her health. Moved her to assisted living where she fell after being there for a few short months. Went to a rehab and was only there about 6 months and passed away. It's so sad to disrupt them but at this point you are the adult and they are child. If you can convince her that she won't be alone and it's for her safety. One thing that my Mom said when we moved her to independent living, she did not have to worry about anything anymore around the house. Worrying about things that needed to be fixed. I wish you much luck. It's a very difficult position.

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@qualitygalwrote:
@Shanus, I hope you have the Power of Atty. You will probably have to lay down the law with love to your mom. I understand the position you're in, but it's time probably, where you need to take over some things even when she digs her feet in. It's for her you are doing this, even if she may not agree. JMHO Best of luck.

@qualitygal I have a medical power of atty. That’s a whole different thing....would have to prove she’s no longer “with it” in court, but she is. Tried that route.

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@Tricolorwrote:
@Shanus, I have been there. My Mom passed away last February at the age of 95. A little background history. My Dad was 82 when he passed and my Mom was 83 and continued to do very well on her own. At the age of 89 I was getting concerned that it was time to move out of her home. We moved her into an independent living place and she did very well. At first she was adamant that she did not want to move. One day after she moved, she thanked me for doing it. Then when she turned 94 I saw more changes. She wasn't going to church anymore and was neglecting her health. Moved her to assisted living where she fell after being there for a few short months. Went to a rehab and was only there about 6 months and passed away. It's so sad to disrupt them but at this point you are the adult and they are child. If you can convince her that she won't be alone and it's for her safety. One thing that my Mom said when we moved her to independent living, she did not have to worry about anything anymore around the house. Worrying about things that needed to be fixed. I wish you much luck. It's a very difficult position.

@Tricolor She’s already in an independent living community w/ assisted living available. She has aides w/ her 3 hrs. in the morning.

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

@Shanus, You can talk to your mom and both of you go to the atty., and get the other one done for her. She will know you're being her assistant, then when the time comes that you need to take over for her, it will be in place. There's nothing underhanded about that and I'm sure she'll want the best of care, when she can't speak or decide for herself.

She can see how much you love her to want the best for her if that time ever comes.

Tricolor · ‎04-19-2010

@Shanus, then maybe it's time to recommend assisted living. Sorry I missed that in your post. Darn DMV for passing her test! If you could convince her that she may hurt someone on the road. Just say you would feel horrible if you were the cause of a mishap on the road. She may see it from a different perspective. You know it sucks to get old! People tell me that I am so lucky to have longevity in my family. I don't want to live to be in my 90's! Unless I can do for myself otherwise I don't want to be at someone's mercy.

violann · ‎03-10-2010

@haddon9wrote:
My mom is 91 and still lives in the 55 & over community that she and my dad moved into 25 years ago. My dad passed away in 1998 and mom is still very sharp so I don't have any experience with forgetfulness.

However my mom was in an accident two years ago. She was in a casino with a friend and a man came up from behind her, tripped while running and he fell on top of her bringing her down and breaking her neck. She's recovered somewhat but now has an aide with her 7 days a week (different one on the weekend) from 8 am to 6pm. She stopped driving and the aides now take her to where she wants & needs to go.

My brother and I have suggested assisted or independent living with some assistance but she's stubborn and doesn't want to move. As long as she has help and is still mentally sharp she will remain where she wishes.

She really only needs an aide for a few hours each day for the same reasons that your mom does ....showers, dressing, some light housekeeping and meal prep...but the aides are also companions for her. Over the years her friends have either passed or moved to assisted living. She has one close friend left.

I'm interested seeing other comments and suggestions.

I want you to know that if she is comfortable and relatively safe and secure in her home, it is probably the best place for her to be. My biggest regret when my mom fell and broke her hip at 90 was not getting her back into her home.

It was a miserable beat up little mess of a house to me, but definitely “home” to her, and her cognitive skills failed fast when we placed her in a very good residential care setting where she lived for the rest of her life.

‘Always making the best of a bunch of less than perfect choices.........”

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@Tricolorwrote:
@Shanus, then maybe it's time to recommend assisted living. Sorry I missed that in your post. Darn DMV for passing her test! If you could convince her that she may hurt someone on the road. Just say you would feel horrible if you were the cause of a mishap on the road. She may see it from a different perspective. You know it sucks to get old! People tell me that I am so lucky to have longevity in my family. I don't want to live to be in my 90's! Unless I can do for myself otherwise I don't want to be at someone's mercy.

@Tricolor ITA. Informed my kids, when I get stubborn like Grandma, just slip something in my Metamucil and me fall asleep forever in peace. Lol