MOM IS BEGINNING TO FORGET - Page 4

CatsyCline · ‎07-24-2013

My father was 79 when we took the keys away. It should have been done sooner. I talked to my mother for years about getting him off the road but she was in major denial about his (undiagnosed) ALZ. Neither of us kids lived nearby anymore. When my mother had to travel overseas for a funeral, we stayed with him and their neighbor came over and told us that Dad should no longer drive. Dad had hooked up the car battery charger thinking his battery was dead.

Dad liked to surf cast and had gone fishing many times and forgot how to get home. Or he got rides from other fishermen. Once he came home with a note attached to the pole. "Your car is at Allen's Acres". Years before these incidents my sister saw him wandering around town looking for his car. He couldnt remember where he had parked it. He was about 70 at that time.

With my Mom, there are no worries at the moment with her driving. Two hip replacements and a spinal fusion within 18 months have been tough on her ability to walk on her own. Believe me I had nightmares about her driving as well. She would get pulled over for drifting into the shoulder and she had a few parking lot scratch and dents. Once she was cited for scraping another car's bumper. She left the lot and a cruiser stopped her and wrote a ticket.

It's time to have a conversation with your Mom. Especially because she needs a walker, has to ambulate back to trunk to get walker. Then there is the very real risk of falls. You want to keep her safe and others safe. Good Luck

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

First of all, I would suggest her taking a cab whenever she wants to go shopping, etc., on her own. Around here there's one with senior discounts. Many seniors just call for a cab and seem happy with that arrangement.

Also: And I know this sounds unscientific, but it seems to work for several who I know/have known:

A nice large cup of coffee. Something about the caffeine that 'peps up' seniors (and others, including myself). Give it a try (check with her doc to make sure it won't interfere with her meds, etc.).

Lots of good luck. Everyone loves to drive, but sometimes it's best to leave the car at home and let others do the driving.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

LiveLaughLove · ‎08-18-2010

I had a friend whose kids were worried about her driving so they told her that if she would have a reputable driving school assess her driving - and if they said she was ok - they would stop bugging her AND arrange for someone to drive her to the grocery store, her and friends on outings, to church, etc. She ended up giving up her license, trying out several drivers until she found one who "felt like a friend, not a taxi driver". It was a win win all around.

riley1 · ‎03-10-2010

I think it's time to take away her keys. Her driving could become dangerous to her or others. Could you arrange for her to have a driver? Or Uber?

I would also take her for a checkup and you should accompany her as well with a list of questions.

henderson · ‎03-18-2010

My mom is now 99 and her memory is slowing going. She will ask the same questions over and over again and doesn't remember some of our conversations, but she doesn't have dementia. She lives alone and finally my sister convinced her to get a caregiver for 6 hrs. a day 3x a week. When she was 95, I reported her to Calif. DMV about her reckless driving and did it anonymously. I had to finally tell her as she was so upset and would cry a lot and wondered who would "turn her in". She was so angry at me, but I felt she needed to stop driving. The traffic is horrible where she lives (Los Angeles area) and not some little town with 2 stop lights.

She passed the written test and driving test, only because she took driving lessons for seniors. I was very upset that her doctor didn't sign off on the letter she received that she shouldn't be driving. Finally my sister (who lives near her) insisted she could not drive this year because of arthritis in her neck (unable to turn around completely). Her doctor was shocked she was still driving!

She is having a very difficult time accepting help (housekeeper once a month, etc.) She and my dad divorced before their 25th anniversary so she's been taking care of her since then and working. Her handwriting is getting shaky so it's hard to write checks. My sister has taken over most of the bill paying because she gets confused. She doesn't want to leave her house. Her last caregiver quit (was only one day a week and not consistent) and now she is complaining that it's costing more money per hour and she wants someone "cheaper". She has money in the bank to take care of her for a few years. My mom used to argue that she was able to take a shower by herself and then turn it around to say that i could fall in the shower if my husband wasn't there. It's very difficult for my sister to deal with all her issues. I've been visiting about every 3 months and can see her going downhill. On the flip side, my aunt, her sister is 101, has no health problems, only dementia and lives in a memory care unit. My grandmother lived to be 105 1/2.

RetRN · ‎10-01-2013

@chrystaltreewrote:
She shouldn't be driving! So, shame on you or not dealing with that.

No, shame on you! You clearly have never been in the situation of dear OP. I'm sure she is doing her best and a nasty post like yours only makes it harder. No need to shame someone facing a difficult and challenging situation.

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@RetRNwrote:
@chrystaltreewrote:
She shouldn't be driving! So, shame on you or not dealing with that.
No, shame on you! You clearly have never been in the situation of dear OP. I'm sure she is doing her best and a nasty post like yours only makes it harder. No need to shame someone facing a difficult and challenging situation.

@RetRN Thanks for understanding the sensitive nature of this situation.

Nataliesgramma · ‎03-28-2015

It is a tough situation....my thoughts are with you

AuntG · ‎03-09-2010

@Shanus, you are in a tough spot. My DH and I had to be the ones to take the car keys away from my dad. I feel pretty comfortable with your mother staying in her current situation for awhile, but I think you must force the issue that she stop driving.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

It's tough situation, but two things must be done. It's not what you want to do; you have to get it done.

Take away the car keys.

Get control of the finances and move the checks, account numbers, and valuables somewhere safe. It isn't about what you want to do, it's what you have to do. Be sure someone has power of attorney, names on all the accounts, all bills are paid by them, and funds distributed through that person or persons.

It's what you have to do in this situation.