MOM IS BEGINNING TO FORGET - Page 2

NickNack · ‎03-10-2010

I think the driving is a very serious situation. I would at least tell the aide not to ride in the car with her. I'm very surprised she rode with her. What if your mother had a wreck and killed or seriously injured the passenger? I feel it's imperative that you get her to stop driving. Maybe her doctor could tell her she shouldn't be driving. Anyone in the beginning stages of dementia, which is what forgetfulness is, should not be driving.

We went through something with my father a couple of years ago. He lived in a house with steps and couldn't face the fact that he shouldn't be going up and down the steps all the time. He fell and ended up in Rehab and from Rehab we moved him to the town where my sister and I live. He's now in an Independent Living facility where he has a small aprtment and three meals a day provided for him in their dining room. It's a nice place with other activities of course. He had to give up driving when he moved here.

He shouldn't have been driving when he was in his home, but with my sister and I not living in that town we didn't really realize how bad it was. He has memory problems and is on two different drugs for it. I now pay all his bills and keep up with his checking account. He still handles his investments, but I have the authority to do so if necessary.

He didn't want to leave his home, but his doctor told him he should and he very much respected his doctor. He still argued with us about it but in the end agreed to move.

The Bluebird Carries The Sky On His Back"
-Henry David Thoreau

cherry · ‎03-09-2010

@Shanus I would contact her Dr. and the Dept of Motor vehicles, they might not call it that anymore, but you .know the place that issues her driving license

This might crop up with them ,more than you know. They could demand she be tested..Her Dr might say no more driving. It wouldn't put all of this on you, and make her mad at you. She might not pass the test

It sounds like she should give up drving

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

She shouldn't be driving! So, shame on you or not dealing with that.

blackhole99 · ‎08-22-2013

My MIL at 89 prided herself on being mentally sharp or sharp as a tack as she used to say. MIL never let anyone check on what she was doing with her finances or bills until she was hospitalized and couldn't do it anymore. We found out pretty quickly that she was not sharp as a tack and owed money all over the place even to the IRS. MIL had not been driving since she broke her hip, but was counting the days until she would be driving again. She died a year later so we never had to deal with that issue. I think when the elderly live alone it's dangerous all the way around, they can not or will not accept the fact that they are indeed limited mentally and physically. We wonder how many times my MIL fell at home and never let us know or didn't remember until she fell and broke her hip. My MIL died at home, she should have been in a nursing home, but she would not consent to that. Thank goodness for her grandson who was with her until the end. Good luck with your Mom.

Imaoldhippie · ‎06-10-2015

Im sure your local police dept would be the "bad" guy here and come to the house, chat with her and take her license. If they cant do that for legal reasons, then ask her doctor to write a note to them saying she should not be driving. There are many ways for a person to get around these days, taxi, bus, county transit, etc.

LIFE IS TO SHORT TOO FOLD FITTED SHEETS

OKPrincess · ‎03-10-2013

You are so blessed to still have your parents. However it’s time for her to stop driving. Of course easier said than done. I’m sure you’ll do what’s right.

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

@Shanus You already know what you have to do. At this point in your mother's life, a car is a weapon.

It Is just a matter of time before she is in an accident. If she is having problems with remembering, plus has physical difficulties that make it hard for her to react in a situaltion to avoid an accident, she should not be driving.

Recently, a family member that I take care of and my older sister were both “taken off the road”. Neither was happy about it. Both are in their late 70’s. When I took my family member to the doctor, I asked him if she should be driving..he said ”NO”. Her reaction time was not fast enough to be driving. He sent paperwork to the state to revoke her license.

For my sister, we spoke to her about it, more than once, and she finally agreed. We sold the car for her ASAP because we knew she would change her mind.

i drive both of these women to appointments, shopping and anywhere else they want to go.

We went though this with my MIL too. She would drive to the mall and forget where she parked. Then she would ask some “nice people” if they would drive her home. My DH would have to go to the mall after closing hours to look for her car. She would also drive to church and forget how to get home, so she would show up at my BIL house and ask him.

When she spent a couple of days in the hospital, her children took her car away. She threw a fit, but she got over it.

My friend’s FIL did not make out so good. He accidently made a wrong turn and traveled down an off ramp to a major highway and hit someone who was exiting. He was killed and seriously injured the other driver.

You know there is a problem or you wouldn’t have posted about it. It’s not gonna be easy, but you need to get your mother off of the road before she hurts or kill someone. I am surprised her aid gets into the car with her. What is she thinking? I know I wouldn’t do it.

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@cherrywrote:
@Shanus I would contact her Dr. and the Dept of Motor vehicles, they might not call it that anymore, but you .know the place that issues her driving license

This might crop up with them ,more than you know. They could demand she be tested..Her Dr might say no more driving. It wouldn't put all of this on you, and make her mad at you. She might not pass the test

It sounds like she should give up drving

@cherry Covered the driving issue here last year and may have been you w/ this great advice. The doc would take no responsibility & left it to DMV. As luck would have it, her license needed to be renewed last July. We all thought. Yes, problem solved, but she passed the test at 89!!!!

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@blackhole99wrote:
My MIL at 89 prided herself on being mentally sharp or sharp as a tack as she used to say. MIL never let anyone check on what she was doing with her finances or bills until she was hospitalized and couldn't do it anymore. We found out pretty quickly that she was not sharp as a tack and owed money all over the place even to the IRS. MIL had not been driving since she broke her hip, but was counting the days until she would be driving again. She died a year later so we never had to deal with that issue. I think when the elderly live alone it's dangerous all the way around, they can not or will not accept the fact that they are indeed limited mentally and physically. We wonder how many times my MIL fell at home and never let us know or didn't remember until she fell and broke her hip. My MIL died at home, she should have been in a nursing home, but she would not consent to that. Thank goodness for her grandson who was with her until the end. Good luck with your Mom.

@blackhole99 Appreciate your input. Dh is tax acct. & does her tax returns, has copies of her bank statements and access to bank acct. online so we can check if there’s slip ups.

She has refused to move closer to me, so the aides for 3 hrs. are our only choice.