Community Chat

[Scooby Doo]

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@Sooner wrote:

Do these pants make my butt look fat?

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No, but the second helpings and ice cream dessert do.

[Love my grandkids]

@gertrudecloset  Your relative sounds like a real dirt bag.

[Sage04]

I'll look at this tomorrow. Not now!!!

[skatting44]

Whoops, I forgot to tell my husband abt my 3rd grade math test score ..

[gertrudecloset]

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@Love my grandkids wrote:

@gertrudecloset  Your relative sounds like a real dirt bag.

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He can be @Love my grandkids .  All of his problems revolve around women.  They always have.  What he's had has never been enough.  2 marriages and a relationship resulted in five children.

[gertrudecloset]

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@Free2be wrote:

It depends on the relationship, the degree of any right to know.  For instance a couple about to marry should not withhold information that would change how one feels about the other.  Full disclosure is best then.

A friend owes no such share with another friend unless possibly there is also a business relationship and the information would impact that..

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His new girlfriend has a right to know about all his kids.  Though, women need to do some research on their own as well when getting involved with men (my relative) @Free2be 

[gertrudecloset]

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@Silver Lining wrote:

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@gertrudecloset wrote:

Most people would agree that healthy relationships (of any kind) are built on trust.  

If someone withheld information from you that could possibly change your perception of them aren't they lying to you?  

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Yes. It's lying by omission.

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This is how I feel too.  

[Free2be]

In this case, informing the new love interest of his other children would serve what purpose?  At least he seems willing to stay with her at this point and this child, one would assume, will be loved by two parents.

She could have chosen to do a background check on him.  Not your responsibility to attempt any fix here.  They may have some happy years together, I'd leave it alone.  Probably eventually she'll learn about the others and you won't be the bad one for stepping in where you didn't have any business.

[gertrudecloset]

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@MarieIG wrote:

Well, my first inclination was to say no.  Why would I be under the obligation to tell everyone with whom I had any type of relationship all about my business.

With regard to a romantic relationship (which you indicated in a later post was what you are referencing) there is a different dynamic and level of obligation.  And - that would change as the relationship progressed.

I don't know if I buy the "lie by omission" but there can be a deliberate intent to deceive/conceal information (for selfish or even criminal purposes) from someone who should be, or is entitled to be, told. 

I suppose I would need to know the circumstances. 

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@MarieIG Not criminal, just selfish reasons.   Why not tell her he has five kids instead of two?  What difference does it make?  

[Silver Lining]

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@Carmie wrote:

The question is way too vague.  There is no one size fits all.  Every situation is different.

 Sometimes withholding information is necessary and a kind thing to do.  Sometimes it is not.

I know a young adult man who does not know that his father  was not his biological father.  His mother, father and biological father are all deceased.  My friend who is his mother's twin sister knew and she told me.  She is deceased as well.

I have no reason to tell him.  I have this info in case it is ever medically necessary for him to know.  Telling him this info now will just hurt him.  Is it a lie?   I suppose his mother took her lie to the grave with her.  But she protected her husband and son and herself.

She must have lived a tortured life because of this, but spared others from this pain by keeping quiet.

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I wouldn't tell him either unless it was a medical necessity or maybe an inheritance situation.