Community Chat

[gertrudecloset]

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@Free2be wrote:

In this case, informing the new love interest of his other children would serve what purpose?  At least he seems willing to stay with her at this point and this child, one would assume, will be loved by two parents.

She could have chosen to do a background check on him.  Not your responsibility to attempt any fix here.  They may have some happy years together, I'd leave it alone.  Probably eventually she'll learn about the others and you won't be the bad one for stepping in where you didn't have any business.

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@Free2be My problem would only be meeting her and acting as though I'm in on the lie.  I won't do that.  I'd have to watch everything I say in her company.  I can't even ask about his entire family (all of his children) and one of the exes that we all still get along with well.  

I don't care that the woman finds out, I want no parts.  He won't be visiting "me" because of Covid.  don't know what my sis will do though.  

[Love my grandkids]

@gertrudecloset  Sounds like women aren't his only problem. He needs serious therapy and I'm not being funny. I feel sorry for his kids. I'd betting he's not much of a father.

[gertrudecloset]

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@Love my grandkids wrote:

@gertrudecloset  Sounds like women aren't his only problem. He needs serious therapy and I'm not being funny. I feel sorry for his kids. I'd betting he's not much of a father.

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@Love my grandkids Women are his problem.  Every problem he has ever had in life ~ has been the result of relationship gone bad because of him.  However, there's just too many ways to get info about a man before you start having children with him.  I don't blame her though.  

You fall for someone, you think they're being honest.  You never question....I guess worser things have happened, but I wouldn't stay with him if I found out he had more kids than he says he does.  

[KarenQVC]

This situation is just plain bad.  This new girl deserves to know all marriages, all children, legal convictions, health status, and financial status.  Period.

[gertrudecloset]

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@KarenQVC wrote:

This situation is just plain bad.  This new girl deserves to know all marriages, all children, legal convictions, health status, and financial status.  Period.

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I agree @KarenQVC .  Even when Covid is over and done I don't want a visit from this couple.  I don't intend on helping him lie....and I'm not in the position to tell her the truth.  

[jubilant]

Yes, withholding information is sometimes a lie but not always.  I agree with those who say it depends on the situation and I also think it depends on what "kind" of information you are withholding.     

[Carmie]

This guy sounds like a piece of work.  Right now you really don't know what he has told her...it's only hearsay at this point.

I wouldn't lie for him, but unless she asks, I wouldn't say a word.  I would stay away from this situation.

If  he lied, he will be found out.  That is on him.

He  should have been honest..what difference does the number of children he has make?  

[GenXmuse]

I haven't told my husband about every guy I dated before him and I don't want to know every single thing about his girlfriends. 

[MarieIG]

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@gertrudecloset wrote:

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@MarieIG wrote:

Well, my first inclination was to say no.  Why would I be under the obligation to tell everyone with whom I had any type of relationship all about my business.

With regard to a romantic relationship (which you indicated in a later post was what you are referencing) there is a different dynamic and level of obligation.  And - that would change as the relationship progressed.

I don't know if I buy the "lie by omission" but there can be a deliberate intent to deceive/conceal information (for selfish or even criminal purposes) from someone who should be, or is entitled to be, told. 

I suppose I would need to know the circumstances. 

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@MarieIG Not criminal, just selfish reasons.   Why not tell her he has five kids instead of two?  What difference does it make?  

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Why, I would have to guess.  Perhaps he thinks that having one failed marriage behind him a long time ago, makes him more desirable than having failed of making a go of it with two families (or was it three, was there another child with a girlfriend?)

Or, the children from the second family would be younger and perhaps he would still have obligations and he does not want to be perceived as having "baggage."

No matter how I look at it, I am not finding altruistic motives. 

[gertrudecloset]

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@Carmie wrote:

This guy sounds like a piece of work.  Right now you really don't know what he has told her...it's only hearsay at this point.

I wouldn't lie for him, but unless she asks, I wouldn't say a word.  I would stay away from this situation.

If  he lied, he will be found out.  That is on him.

He  should have been honest..what difference does the number of children he has make?  

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@Carmie The other three children new woman doesn't know about are much younger!