Community Chat

[Allegheny]

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I truly don't know.  We have these really bad periods and then we are okay again. I am just wondering if it is from all of the stress from the car accident and then her being diagnosed with cancer and also trying to finish up school and working at a job I hate that I now have to have for the next year that I am making a rush decision that is really expensive and inflexible for me.

I honestly thought about fixing up the basement as an escape and then she suggested completely finishing it for me.  I think that might help out a lot.  I am truly so confused.

I've been upset all day and thank goodness no one came into my office to see me crying.  I don't know if it's just fear or because I know I'm doing the wrong thing.  

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@Laura14  It is interesting that your mother made this offer.  Do have a feeling what motivated her to do this?  Does she want to entice you to stay to maintain & safeguard the property or out of the goodness of her heart.

This offer might give you some negotiation/bargaining terms ie., like reduced rent or no rent.  After all, maintaining and safeguarding a vacant property is something people usually pay others to do.*  But you would have to be strong and be able to emotionally survive for the time you need to obtain your goals.  Remember if she reneges on her part you are still free to leave.

*The reason I bring this up because I was once in a similar situation.  My uncle was transferred for 2 years and was thrilled when I offered to move into his house. (I was needing to move anyway.)  It worked well for him as me.  However, I lived there rent free, only paying the utilities and maintaining the yard.  He paid all the taxes and would reimburse me if any repairs came up.  I did have to put up with him coming back every 3 months, or having my Aunt & Uncle stay a few days when they were in town.  In those instances, I chose to stay at my parents house.

I'm don't mean to encourage or discourage you either way.  You do what you feel is best for yourself and your future.

[Laura14]

@Allegheny  She has mentioned this a few times over the years because it gives her another place to decorate.  I'm not sure if that was pulled out because I shocked her about moving or if she really means it.

I sent her an email about an hour ago asking how long it would take to do that if I chose to stay and she hasn't responded.  That may be the answer.  

[homedecor1]

@Laura14

I don't know your backstory all I wanted to say :

Congrats and many happy days ahead!!!!

[qvcfreak]

@Laura14, I'm so proud of you. I knew you could do it. Make it your own and live....

[ccassaday]

I think you need to take the apartment and move out. Why do you want all this stress and not knowing what will happen next. There are great apps out there for budgeting. Including Dave Ramsey’s every dollar ap.

You need to do this and start gaining some confidence. How old are you?

[Laura14]

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@ccassaday wrote:

I think you need to take the apartment and move out. Why do you want all this stress and not knowing what will happen next. There are great apps out there for budgeting. Including Dave Ramsey’s every dollar ap.

You need to do this and start gaining some confidence. How old are you?

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@ccassaday  I am in my 40s.  I am well within my budget and have an amazing savings account.  I just would keep a lot more money not moving and reach my future goals faster.  The fact that she still isn't responding to my offer to stay is actually making the decision easier and easier to make.   

[FrostyBabe1]

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@Laura14 wrote:

@Allegheny  She has mentioned this a few times over the years because it gives her another place to decorate.  I'm not sure if that was pulled out because I shocked her about moving or if she really means it.

I sent her an email about an hour ago asking how long it would take to do that if I chose to stay and she hasn't responded.  That may be the answer.  

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Or not. An hour isn't really that long. She may very well be busy doing something else. Or trying to come up with an accurate answer to your question. I know from your previous posts that you've done a lot to help her, much of which doesn't seem to have been appreciated. But at the end of the day, it is her house and she can do as she pleases. If it's going to make your life unpleasant to stay there, then sign the lease and move on. 

[Bird mama]

@Laura14  The choice is ultimately yours.  In my mind, she's planning to redecorate and has offered to move you out.  Now, I don't know the woman however if it was me that received this information from my mother I would interpret it as:  Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

There is dysfunctional behavior going on between the both of you.  Most of us have experienced some kind of dysfunction in our lifetimes.

I guess you have to ask yourself - do I end the dysfunction or keep playing the game?

At one point or another each person has to make a stand.  If the stand in your case is to stay with your mother, then you know what you are getting into and will be the one living with it.

[Juniebugz]

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@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:

OMG.

To be honest, I didn't think you would be moving.

And you're not a renter until you sign a LEASE.  🙄

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I agree @YorkieonmyPillow. Suspected the move wouldn't happen. Or if there was a move there would be threads about problems with landlord or neighbors etc.
Imo we have to remember we only know one side of the stories we read here and also after a while when someone reports major drama in every facet of their life and it's always 'someone else's fault'..... who's the common denominator in each situation we read about? Patterns emerge in threads. Support is great but possibly some support for taking responsibility for one's life needs to be added to the mix on these threads.

Makes me think of the wisdom "if we keep doing the same thing we've been doing we'll keep getting what we've been getting." 

[goldensrbest]

Your mom is controlling you,don't you see that?