I Need Encouragement.....A Lot - Page 3

texassunflower · ‎06-15-2015

@bootsanne. I was in your shoes about 6 months ago. I was my mother's primary caregiver. She also had A- Fib and caught pneumonia during one of her hospital stays. Mom was at home with me for 4 and half years. She passed away in June. Home health only came twice a week, otherwise it was just the two of us everyday. My sister came on Saturday to let me run errands. If money is not an issue, I would hire help. I wish I had forfeit the money to do so. Being a caregiver is exhausting and really takes a toll on your health. In the meantime, if your husband is so weak see if his doctor will place him in rehab for a couple of weeks. That will give you the opportunity to get well and get so much needed rest.

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

Big huge hug to you and your husband. I know we all wish we could do something more for you than well wishes and good thoughts. Hang in there.

Sometimes, I think of the other people who are going through worse to help myself stay in perspective. He's not in hospice and you have a good light at the end of the tunnel and you'll both get there.

Meantime if you have anyone close by who can cook a meal and drop it off or collect the mail etc. (all those daily errands) take advantage. Even giving someone a list and some money or card to get your food shopping done when they go for theirs could be a big help to you. Say yes!

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

Oh and @bootsanne I forgot to add to my earlier post concerning finances, I do not know of a state where if you are married a wife isn't number one on the list to inherit first.

Unless he has a lot of separate assets from you which would be very odd, will or not, most state laws say you get it all anyway.

SharkE · ‎08-19-2010

Hope he has a will, if not his kids will present a problem, no doubt.

We have joint mirror wills, no kids, he's it if I go, I'm it if he goes, if both go

trusted member of church is executor.

No fighting here.

If don't have a will, mmmmmmmmmmm not good.

tsavorite · ‎03-09-2010

@bootsanne wrote:
@SharkE To make matters even worse is the fact that my husband has a lot of money but has been very lax in making plans for his passing. He is very secretive about his money and I don't believe his will has been updated since before our marriage. There is no advanced directive, no poa. I on the hand have everything in order even down to my cats. I'm not worried about the money because I am secure with my own. As for him going to rehab, he would have fought that tooth and nail. I'm a veteran of several surgeries that required a lot of aftercare, but this has been a huge set-back for him emotionally and physically . This pneumonia has been harder on him than the cancer.

@bootsanne Ya my Dad was impossible to get into rehab! He couldn't walk to the bathroom by himself but they were going to send him home anyway w/o checking him! I had to call the doctor and social worker to find out why they didn't have someone check him out...make him show you he can function on his own (he was lying telling them he could) finally his doctor went and talked to him and only because his doctor said he needs to go to rehab he said ok. My point is get on the phone to his doctor and see if he can't convince him to get into rehab.

Make everything you can easier on yourself...order your groceries online for pick up....hire a maid....get carry out delivered! And of course if anyone else is offering some help say YES! Hire a nurse or some help if you can't get him into rehab.

As for the end of life paperwork being in order....wow that's really too bad...try to explain to him that it's time to do this....that was one thing my dad did...nobody had to tell him to have all that in order.

Best wishes for a full recovery for your husband and you too!!

SXMGirl · ‎07-07-2010

@bootsanne, you are overwhelmed and have every right to have a pity party. If you can afford to do so, get some help. If you cannot, it might be time to look at alternative care for him. Probably not what you want to hear, but you cannot keep up this pace for very long. If you have family, they need to pitch in. I am sending you lots of prayers and good thoughts.

The next time that I hear salt and ice together, it better be in a margarita!

sidsmom · ‎11-25-2011

Unfortunately (I’m not an attorney, nor do I play one of TV)

I believe if he doesn’t have his will in order, you could still be

liaible for any debt when he passes...as a spouse.

Play like...his will gives everything to his children, not you...

and the hospital debt is passed down to the spouse.

It could get ugly & very, very burdensome for you & your future

even though you have his finances in order.

Can anyone verify if this correct?

nannaluv · ‎12-01-2012

I am so sorry you are going through a difficult time. Having been a social worker (retired recently) in a nursing home and then an Assisted Living (Dementia) venue I dealt with many family issues from admission (situations with hospitals), hospice, palliative, etc. I have also assisted friends whose parents lived out of state. Just from experience and from feedback from friends, a care managed company might be best for your situation. A case manager from a home based company can assist you in getting all your affairs in order (retreive paperwork, assisting in filling out forms, go over financial issues, get things in order, POAHC documents, etc.). These individuals can also assist you on researching rehab areas/assisted living areas, etc. if this is needed. This is a person that can do most of the footwork for you, assist in providing you information and narrowing down all the options. They are expensive per hour but so worth it. Case managers have been a blessing to many of my friends and family members. I don't know what state you live in but guessing if you type in home based care managed entities you would be able to locate some companies that have case management services. Will pray for you and wish you and your spouse a better 2019.

Lisa Y · ‎09-07-2014

I can’t believe that with such a rapid decline, the doctors say they can’t find anything wrong. They should do different tests because this isn’t normal.

Stay strong, ask for and accept any offers of help. Good luck and I hope your husband’s recovery will be speedy.

Drythe · ‎07-09-2011

@aroc3435 wrote:
@bootsanne Understandable to have a pity party. You're anxious and exhausted and have a sinus infection to top off all the stress you are experiencing. Was his cataract surgery done in the hospital?

Not sure if they do it in hospital anymore since it has been streamlined so much from many decades ago.

Maybe he picked up the pneumonia there. In any event my experience with seniors with weird symptoms or side effects after a medical episode or surgery is to ask that one doctor should look at all the medications being taken to be sure there are no drug combinations "fighting" each other. The doctor should also consider the patient's size and weight. (They often forget to do this with dosages for slightly built women--I've experienced that in my medical treatment and it is not fun.)

I do not work in the medical field, by the way. I wish you and your husband the best. I will keep you in my meditation chain. Do not forget to attend to your own well being. That won't help him or you.

With warm thoughts,
aroc3435