Community Chat

[chiclets]

death is not by choice, oxymoron a person should have the legal right to choose to die.

[Mom2Dogs]

@Puzzle PieceI agree and sometimes there is just pure evil in the world that takes lives unexpectedly.....

[Tique]

@goldensrbest   I do believe our days are predetermined. I attribute that to a religious belief; however, the only reason I could imagine ever saying that to someone who has recently loss a loved one would be if they were blaming themselves for the death. There was recently a car accident in my area and a 13 year-old girl was killed. She was just coming from an appointment with her orthodontist. When the doctor and the office staff heard about her death, they immediately stated they wished they had delayed her for a few minutes so the car she was in wouldn't have been in that intersection at that time. I personally don't think it would have mattered; I believe it was her time. 

@Teddie  I completely understand what you were saying in reference to your friend. When I loss my Mother unexpectedly, I can't tell you the number of people who said to me "God won't put any more on you than you can bear". Huh? I remember saying to a friend if one more person makes that comment to me, I think I will slap them. Fortunately, I never heard that again. Of course even if I had, I would never have slapped anyone. It was just my way of venting. Coping with an immeasurable loss and having to listen to meaningless platitudes when all I wanted to hear was "I'm so sorry for your loss".

[itiswhatitis]

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@goldensrbest wrote:

When a person dies, it was their time to do so.

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I happen to believe in this.

[itiswhatitis]

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@deepwaterdotter wrote:

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@blackhole99 wrote:

I believe there is no doubt a mathematical equation that could figure out just about when you will die barring freak accidents.

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Isn't this known as actuarialism?

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@deepwaterdotter, isn't this risk management?  I don't think this is an exact science.

[itiswhatitis]

First, I would never say this to someone who is grieving.  They might not share my beliefs.

If someone passes because they were extremely ill (deathly ill) then I would say something like he/she suffered so long and at least he/she is now at peace.  Or I might say nothing at all and just listen and be a shoulder to lean on.

I do believe that when it's our time to go, we're going.

[Quse]

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@Mominohio wrote:

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@granny me wrote:

Yes as a bible believer it says in Ecclesiastes 3:2 a time to be born and a time to die. I believe our dates are predetermined. It doesn't mean I walk out into traffic believing if it isn't my day I won't die, but I do believe just as our time to be born is known so is the time to die. 

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Hence the problem when looking at it from a biblical point of view. 

If our time is marked, why should we do anything to protect our life? Why eat smart or keep our weight under control? Why not take every risk that suits our fancy? 

I have been told by religion all my life that it is predestined. I just really struggle with  whether I believe it is or not.

I question that 'a time to...' might mean there is a time, but is it written in stone? Is it 'chosen' in advance, or is it something that a deity decides at any given time in our existence? 

Great topic, and one I struggle with!

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@MominohioI believe the statement to be true. I don't believe that our time is predestined based on the day we were born. I believe that the God of the Bible gave us free will and that what we choose to do with it will take us certain places, one of which, can be an early death. I believe there are an infinite number of paths to take and depending on which one you take, leads to ____. And God knows every one of  them, where it will lead you and has a plan when you take it. Kind of like a giant computer that knows every probable outcome of every action because it isn't all that disconnected and it isn't all that unpredictable.
I also believe that Bible is not a book of "don't do this because you should have no fun" but more like a manual, an instruction booklet. Like a father telling his children not to do something like touch a stove. Then his children touch the stove and find out it's hot, because humans don't like to read the instruction booklet. The manual also tells us how to live, how to prosper here and how to avoid calamiity. So why don't we just live riotously? You can. But there is a principle called sowing and reaping....and the manual is full of stories of people reaping some stuff they sowed...and others NOT reaping what they sowed because of Grace.(which is the essence of the manual )
People will say "what about 9/11?". There are countless stories of people who didn't go to work that day, were unusually late, etc..because "something told them not to". They know what that "something" was now.
What about kids who die? What about freak accidents? Why do bad things happen to good people?
Those are also answered in the manual, and easily proven out, but if I get too preachy, this will get poofed for sure, and this is one of the more interesting threads, imho.
I don't look at death like most people, apparently (judging from the reactions I get from friends and family).
Having said that, I would never say it was someone's time, knowingly, to a person grieving.

[Quse]

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@Teddie wrote:
Shortly after I lost my dad, I sat at my table with a friend and I was hurting so much and crying. She said every possible cliche you can imagine. Even though I knew she meant well, everything she said hurt me more and I couldn't stop crying. How about just sit with me and tell me how sorry you are? That's all I wanted.

The friendship also died and we no longer see each other. But I've always hated the pat answers some give in trying to make someone feel better.

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@TeddieI'm sorry you went through that. I actually had a beloved family friend tell me after my brother died that "He wasn't my favorite". I didn't even know how to process that.
It's becasue of the pat answers that I've received that the only thing I ever say is, "Sorry for your loss". Hugs go a long way too, but silence is golden.

[nana59]

Definitely DO NOT believe that statement.  Nonsense-just nonsense.  Having lost my mother at a very young age, and recently lost my two best friends--please don't tell me that.  Just makes me angry.....

[qvcfreak]

@granny me, In Psalm 139:16 it says "Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be" I truly believe God has our days planned, I would never say that to a grieving person though.