Community Chat

[Teddie]

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@granny me wrote:

I have had loved ones die and not once did I ever think when a comment was made that I wanted to smack them, or lose a friendship because of what  and how they said it. I was glad they were there and made an attempt to love me and console me the best they knew how. Not everyone is going to say the right thing at the right time. And what may be right to one person is not to another and how is someone to know? I am not that touchy to be angry about kindness being shown to me even if its not perfect.

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@granny me  I want to be clear that I was not angry and I didn't lose a friendship over this.  I *was* hurt that my friend was trying to tell me I had no reason to be sad, that my dad was in a better place and I shouldn't be crying about it.  One cliche after another.  I knew she meant well and was trying to console me. 

[noodleann]

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@goldensrbest wrote:

When a person dies, it was their time to do so.

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That's up there with "it is what it is" in the Faux Profundity Parade. 

I recall a doctor telling us, as he broke the news of my father's impending death, that he was taught in medical school that each person has only so many heartbeats allotted in life and when you use them up, sayonara. I remember wanting to smack the guy for that idiotic nostrum, but felt too helpless.

I cannot imagine "When a person dies, it was their time to do so" comforting the bereaved when the loved one dies at the hand of another, of malpractice, etc. It would be absolutely horrific to say that to someone who's just lost a child, and I don't care what the circumstances are.

I think it's clear how I feel about this.

[chickenbutt]

I get it, Teddie.  I hate cliches anyway, but for somebody to cliche away how you should feel is a bit beyond the pale.   The person probably means well, but it sure doesn't help AT ALL.   I would be beyond aggravated and want that person out of my sight for a while if that's all they have to offer.   It's upsetting to me just thinking about it.  

I wish people sometimes could see beyond themselves when somebody else needs them.  To just spew out cliches is just making them feel like they are doing what they think they should do.  It's not doing anything toward making the other person feel better or feel like you are there for them.

As to the question at hand - uh, no!    That's silly.  I'm a reality-based thinker and this is something that can't just be over-simplified to that extent.   Things just aren't mapped out like that.  There is no way I could ever believe that because if just makes no sense whatsoever.

[Allegheny]

I often have pondered that.  However, I can't necessarily agree, especially when so many individuals die through actions of others.

[goldensrbest]

Sometimes it is hard to ask questions on here,because people assume things, this was not meant to imply it was said to someone, that lost a loved one,i was talking to a person and this was brought up,just wondered what you all thought ,if this was true.

[goldensrbest]

That lady risk her life because of the love she had for animals,she rescued animals.

[Catty2]

There are so many different situations.  The one I think of right now is my niece who lost her baby boy while 17 weeks pregnant last summer.  No, it was not his time to die.      

[maestra]

I think and believe we are spiritual creatures experiencing the physical realm for a purpose.

Death is really just' going home again'. God is all that is good, loving, positive, compassionate and unselfish. God is love.

I try to walk each day with God and get out of my own head and ego. Note: I try-each day is a challenge.

[LTT1]

@goldensrbest

Yes

[Alsee]

It is a comforting thought but I don't always agree. I can't believe it is a baby's or child's time to die. Just doesn't make sense with so much life to live.