ELIMINATING FRIENDS WHO BRING YOU DOWN - Page 3

Shogirl · ‎12-06-2010

I realized some years ago that many of the people I was attracting as friends were people with problems...never ending problems. I would sit there and listen ... and listen ... and support ... and more support but without getting anything for myself in return. I had some very one-sided relationships (and I did the same thing with men). I've been much happier since I dropped those people and now have a few close friends who sometimes listen to me when I need to talk, and who aren't all about themselves.

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

Another phenomenon is trying to make new friendships in my late 60's. Women that are not just a yoga teacher who gives you a hug, says we need to meet for lunch, but never calls.

Over the 45 yrs. I have lived in this same city, there's been the usual circle of life: couples get divorced & the wife may move away or "start over" w/ another group of single women. 4 of my original friends have moved away when their husbands relocated for new jobs. Many women that I volunteered with in women's groups for over 10-12 yrs., I find without that common denominator of committee work, there's not a lot holding the relationship together (should be listed an aqaintance).

Most women who worked outside the home, had a "pool of women" to choose from to form relationships. I've been fairly isolated working from home full time for the last 30 yrs.

At the gym, it's become more a serious workout place...get in, do your routine and get out. People seem annoyed when I try to strike up a conversation & they find it distracting.

I have tried putting myself in situations where there would be women w/ common interests: yoga classes, art classes in painting (all women were 30 yrs. younger than me), "ladies night out"...monthly neighborhood get togethers. There again, we've lived in our house over 20 years and couples our age who lived here when we built, have moved away, retired & downsized leaving the new neighbors still at the "carpool to soccer & busy w/ junior high schoolers" age.

I'm finding women of my age may not be looking for "close" friends. Although I have my few that I can count on, I wouldn't mind 2 or 3 more friends now that my business has become part time and I have more hours to fill.

Suggestions?

colliegirls · ‎05-13-2012

@panda1234 wrote:
I have done this too. There is no room for toxic people in my life. If someone does not add to your life and is always taking, draining you then they should go.

Amen to this!!! If someone does not bring joy to my life, out they go.

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@Shorty2U wrote:
No a lot of my friends pared me down when I had spine surgery and could no longer work and go out running around like they can. Another words I found out who my real friends were, not friends that only wanted me when I could go dancing and do physical activities I cant do now.

So I focus on my husband, my children, grandchildren, and few friends I have yet from a life time and that's enough for me.

But I must say I was very hurt at first when my former co workers and some good friends from school dumped me after my spine issues, when I stood by them through everything. And to add- I never whined about my spine and pain to any of them. As a matter of fact when one of those friends smashed her hip I tried to help her through it. But oh well life moves on, I have enough people who love and support me, and I love and support them. I am very blessed!

Perhaps your first mistake was considering them "friends". Obviously, a true friend can handle a change in physical limitations, right? I'm happy you've moved on with those who deserve your time and attention.

hoosieroriginal · ‎03-04-2012

You can just tolerate a negative attitude from a friend so long. It starts bringing you down, makes you not want to be with that person. I think people have enough negativity around them nowadays and are looking for someone or something to lift them up. As you all know, I recently dumped a friend for her multiple times of being totally rude and inconsiderate of me. I cannot and will not tolerate this type of treatment anymore. A friendship is a two-way street. Life's too short to put up with this kind of rudeness.

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@ID2 wrote:
I just did a total overhaul of my friends list on Facebook. I unfriended about 6 names off my list. I'm much happier now.

I gave up FB years ago because of the show off nature of many people w/ pics of their huge boats, magnificent parties, cruel jokes, political humor that was wasn't funny and exchanges between other FB "friends" that was unkind. Many times when I signed on, it was just pages of "I did", "I went", "I purchased"....quite tiring & boring.

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@LindaSal wrote:
I too agree with most of you. I also never had a large group of friends. Many people are just aquaintances. Unfortunately, after going through breast cancer, surgery, chemo and radiation..........that's when you know who your true friends are. I'm 56 years old and hold my few close friends dear to my heart.

I hope you're well and wish you strength on your journey. 🌸

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

I keep my list of friends on facebook limited to people who are my friends or family in real life. There is no one on my FB friends list who I don't know well personally. To me FB is a means of staying in touch with people I love , not a means of making new "friends".

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@hoosieroriginal wrote:
You can just tolerate a negative attitude from a friend so long. It starts bringing you down, makes you not want to be with that person. I think people have enough negativity around them nowadays and are looking for someone or something to lift them up. As you all know, I recently dumped a friend for her multiple times of being totally rude and inconsiderate of me. I cannot and will not tolerate this type of treatment anymore. A friendship is a two-way street. Life's too short to put up with this kind of rudeness.

Amen to that.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@catwhisperer wrote:
I am a very negative person with a lot of personal issues, yet friends and relatives call me constantly looking for advice. Go figure. ???

Funny, they must value your advice.