Community Chat

[Puzzle Piece]

It's not just friends, it's family as well that got eliminated.  Life is too short and too good. 

[Spurt]

I always avoided those who were always negative, argumentative, and criticize everything. I just don't want to waste my time with unpleasant people.................. 

I have a few people who I consider real friends---I've known them for a long time....we've been there for each other in good times and difficult times....we share laughs as well as tears, and are always there to help one another......

Then there are others that I consider acquaintances that I may share a common interest with, we don't really share our personal lives with one another, we may get together once in a while ...but we aren't that close

[winamac1]

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@chickenbutt wrote:

I think that, as we get older, we go more for quality and less for quantity.  

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That's my adage.  I actually have a lot of friends, but many live out of town.  I met them through my previous job that I held for over 16.5 years.  I have a few local friends, but I recently stopped commuicating with one as she was always so much "drama".  

She went through 2 divorces, and I was always there for her.  I knew she'd never truly be there for me, and I got tired of constantly hearing about her drama.  I felt a bit "used" in the friendship though I'm sure she would totally disagree.  We had been friends for 10 years.   I just didn't return a few calls which was very unlike me.  I'm sure she wonders what happened.  If she had asked for closure, I'd have provided her it.  She probably knew, and didn't want to hear ******.

I don't think some friends I have unfriended have been "negative" per se, but it's always about THEM.  After awhile one grows tired of being everyone's counselor especially when one doesn't feel appreciated for it and doubts they would reciprocate. I'm a great listener and give good advice so many call me with their "issues", lol.

I believe in quality and not quantity too.   I'm becoming super selective with whom I will spend my time with.  

[Shanus]

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@islandergirl wrote:

I have done the same.  I know a University Admissions Director who asks applicants how many best friends they have - if they answer many, he often will not consider them for admission to his university, if they answer 1 or 2, he knows they have their priorities straight, and that they understand that it is not the number of friends you have, it is the quality of those friends. 

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That's really interesting....makes sense. 

[Shanus]

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@Plaid Pants2 wrote:

Here are my qualifications for friendship.

I must be able to be my true, authentic self.

You accept me as I am, warts and all, and I'll do the same for you.

You allow me to vent when I am having a bad day, or something is ticking me off, and I'll do the same for you.

If someone says that they only want happy, positive people in their life, then I am not the friend for you, because in life, **** happens, and we all can't be happy and positive 100% of the time.

I really have to wonder about those who say that they only want happy, positive people in their lives. Would they drop a friendship simply because a friend has a husband who was diagnosed with a terminal illness, and that friend was sad, scared and depressed about it, and wanted a shoulder to lean on, and someone to talk to about it?

Or should that person put on a fake smile, and fake happiness, just to please others who only want happiness and positive energy from everyone around them?

Let's be honest here, life can be like a vacuum cleaner sometimes ( can't say the "S" word), and we all need a friend that we can talk to even when we don't feel happy and positive.

As for those who only want happy and positive people in their lives? Well, I hope that nothing bad ever happens to them because if it were to, they just might need a friendly shoulder to lean on, and they just might find themselves dropped, simply because they were not happy and positive all of the time.

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I don't think the majority of replies implied only wanting friends who smiled & gave positive feedback.

It's more an issue of those friends that continually, over very long periods of time, no matter what happens in their lives or yours, brings you down with constant negativity....either her own or meeting your questions/conversations with totally negative (whoa is me) thoughts.

There needs to be give & take. Of course, she may have issues in her life that are sad and she needs positive support. That's fine as long as she's there for you, in the same way, when you need that from her.

[Shanus]

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@seaBreeze wrote:

Yes, I recently had to stop a friendship of 40 years.   Once she remarried "money", and got a taste of it....her personality changed.   I, now, was of a "lower status" ....and it reflected in her new friends and exotic vacations.

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I woul not put her in the "true friend" category from the beginning.

[jeanlake]

Interesting topic. Can relate. Twenty years ago we left a church we 'grew up in.' As young adults we had children with our church friends, vacationed, worshipped, volunteered within community, played sports, shared lesisure time... Pastor didn't have a lot of accountability and weird things happened in the church. We questioned some things and eventually left. Broke my heart, but the right thing to do. Missed my friends terribly, although I soon realized how dysfunctional this religious organization was. Regrouping, getting sane again and finding our new normal was quite a process. I learned so much from this experience. I learned I didn't have criteria set for friends. Anyone could be my friend, and I had a lot of needy, dysfunctional friends. Different now. Fewer friends in number, but more quality. As time passed, a few 'old' friends who left same church and learned same lessons are back in my life. Happened gradually. Trust restored. Last November, my sis and neice were livid over an issue and didn't understand why I didn't join them in acting out in anger. I wasn't happy about things either -- but kept my cool. At one point I had to say -- hey, don't turn on me -- I'm not your punching bag. It was awkward for a couple of months, but this needed to be said since they're both Type A+ personalities and have a tendency to steamroll over people. I was around them last week and we were all much more careful and respectful towards one another. As someone mentioned -- it's not just friends that need to treat us well. I feel the same way about families, workships, neighbors, people you worship with, strangers and especially life partner/husband. Good luck to anyone who is working through these relationship challenges.