Re: Dutch Treat Reception ???

Sawn · ‎03-17-2010

I guess I wonder what we're missing here? The world has changed so much since I was married. I'm just thinking...if this were a precious nephew of mine, I would try to understand the why's of it all. Are there extennuating (sp) circumstances or reasons for the Dutch treat reception? I just can't decide that it's "tacky" or "gift grabbing" without more information.

Pqfan · ‎03-09-2010

Am I supposed to bring my own food or they provide the meal and I pay for it?

Should I bring my own music too while I am at it? lol

deepwaterdotter · ‎03-09-2010

I wonder what would happen if invitees responded that they would be attending, but would not be purchasing food. Just want to be present to congratulate the newlyweds and wish them a happy future.

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

See, this is what has happened... Weddings have become so over the top dog and pony shows because almost every little girl now thinks she' entitled to a 'Hollywood' wedding... And, almost every family who can, humors their little girl and over-spends on an 'event' that is much more than just a 'nice' wedding and reception. They've become big business, which has driven up prices for even those seeking a simple wedding and reception.

In the day, even a middle class family could usually afford a nice dress, flowers and a reasonable sit-down dinner or at least drinks and appetizers at a nice venue and still not break the bank. Unfortunately, the ante keeps getting upped... and now, weddings costing thousands and thousands of dollars have increasingly become the 'norm'...

Given that reality, I get the 'why bother' mentality and the choice not to 'compete'. But then unfortunately, added to all that... as what are considered to be acceptable standards of decorum and behavior continue to erode, you end up with 'dutch treat' wedding reception invitations... Whatever happened to the middle ground... or does a middle ground even still exist...?

Whatever...

In my pantry with my cupcakes...

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

@stevieb wrote:
See, this is what has happened... Weddings have become so over the top dog and pony shows because almost every little girl now thinks she' entitled to a 'Hollywood' wedding... And, almost every family who can, humors their little girl and over-spends on an 'event' that is much more than just a 'nice' wedding and reception. They've become big business, which has driven up prices for even those seeking a simple wedding and reception.

In the day, even a middle class family could usually afford a nice dress, flowers and a reasonable sit-down dinner or at least drinks and appetizers at a nice venue and still not break the bank. Unfortunately, the ante keeps getting upped... and now, weddings costing thousands and thousands of dollars have increasingly become the 'norm'...

Given that reality, I get the 'why bother' mentality and the choice not to 'compete'. But then unfortunately, added to all that... as what are considered to be acceptable standards of decorum and behavior continue to erode, you end up with 'dutch treat' wedding reception invitations... Whatever happened to the middle ground... or does a middle ground even still exist...?

Whatever...

I asked recently on another thread what ever happened to the nice reception at a fire hall with a catered buffet and a local band? Well, they laughed me out of town - apparently that is just not even to be considered anymore. Your just not properly married unless you have the whole horse and pony show.

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

@VanSleepy wrote:
@151949 wrote:
@NYC Susan
I said earlier that I felt the OP's invitation wa a gift grab and should be treated as such. Then the nasty remarks like Sunshine 45's started from there. Apparently you missed some posts. Some one can't miss an opportunity for a mean personal, as hurtful as possible attack to go by. You know how it is here.

I don't think Sunshine meant it in a nasty way. I almost posted the same thing and didn't mean it in a nasty way. It's just that with all the talk of "gift grabs", some may have perceived your announcement as such even though it was not your intention.

How could it possibly NOT be nasty to tell someone that when she sent out her wedding announcements it was a gift grab? Is that something YOU would normally say to a person?

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

@deepwaterdotter wrote:
I wonder what would happen if invitees responded that they would be attending, but would not be purchasing food. Just want to be present to congratulate the newlyweds and wish them a happy future.

Better yet, they can bring their own dinner. Not sure where the reception is at?

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

@KALLIE wrote:
@sunshine45 wrote:
@151949 wrote:
There are many ways to have a wedding that is still classy and refined without having to go to the extreme of it being dutch. The obvious one is get married in the morning, have it at your home and have a tea,coffee, punch and just some assorted baked goods and cake. Essentially a tea party. I went to a very nice wedding once at a county park picnic grove, they had a keg of beer and assorted cold foods like sandwiches and potato salad etc. The invitation said - this is a picnic, dress appropriately. One of the best weddings I ever attended. Cake with coffee , tea and punch in the church hall after the ceremony is always nice. I know someone who had this type of wedding because the groom's family were a hoard of drunks so they did not want to have something where alcohol would be available.
My second wedding we had family only, very small affair at a restaurant then sent out announcements to about 150 people. Probably half of those who we sent announcements sent us a gift - not $$$ gifts - but momentos like crystal candy dishes and silver teapots. We got several beautiful picture frames which are still in use. We were surprized and thrilled by them all. On the announcement we put our new address and phone number and we received many congratulatory phone calls and visits as well.

my guess around here on these forums is is that some people would consider sending out 150 wedding announcements (and not being invited to the wedding) to be a "gift grab."......a term i have never used before.
It DEFINITELY sounds like a "gift grab" to me.

Agreed, Sending out 150 wedding announcements without, (no gifts please) is a gift grab imo. I could see if it's a graduation ceremony where few are invited. I would be embarrassed to send out 150 wedding announcements, without inviting people.

NativeJax · ‎01-27-2015

Well I have a few relatives that do not have very much money at all and if they were getting married and did an invitation like that it would not offend me and I would still bring a gift. I know it's not customary but if they wanted you to celebrate with them I would think that's what it really is all about. Can this family not afford a lavish wedding? Are you close with them? If offended just decline the invitation I suppose. For me, it would just depend on the couple and I would just take into consideration maybe they just couldn't afford to pay for a wedding but want others to celebrate with them. If you normally spend $50 on a gift, spend $25 and use the difference to pay for the meal. Or not, just respectively decline.

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

@missy1 wrote:
@KALLIE wrote:
@sunshine45 wrote:
@151949 wrote:
There are many ways to have a wedding that is still classy and refined without having to go to the extreme of it being dutch. The obvious one is get married in the morning, have it at your home and have a tea,coffee, punch and just some assorted baked goods and cake. Essentially a tea party. I went to a very nice wedding once at a county park picnic grove, they had a keg of beer and assorted cold foods like sandwiches and potato salad etc. The invitation said - this is a picnic, dress appropriately. One of the best weddings I ever attended. Cake with coffee , tea and punch in the church hall after the ceremony is always nice. I know someone who had this type of wedding because the groom's family were a hoard of drunks so they did not want to have something where alcohol would be available.
My second wedding we had family only, very small affair at a restaurant then sent out announcements to about 150 people. Probably half of those who we sent announcements sent us a gift - not $$$ gifts - but momentos like crystal candy dishes and silver teapots. We got several beautiful picture frames which are still in use. We were surprized and thrilled by them all. On the announcement we put our new address and phone number and we received many congratulatory phone calls and visits as well.

my guess around here on these forums is is that some people would consider sending out 150 wedding announcements (and not being invited to the wedding) to be a "gift grab."......a term i have never used before.
It DEFINITELY sounds like a "gift grab" to me.

Agreed, Sending out 150 wedding announcements without, (no gifts please) is a gift grab imo. I could see if it's a graduation ceremony where few are invited. I would be embarrassed to send out 150 wedding announcements, without inviting people.

I am thinking your mother would be mortally embarrassed and ashamed that her child was actually saying this right to a person. Who raised you people? Wolves?