Community Chat

[sunshine45]

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@VanSleepy wrote:

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@151949 wrote:

@NYC Susan

I said earlier that I felt the OP's invitation wa a gift grab and should be treated as such. Then the nasty remarks like Sunshine 45's started from there. Apparently you missed some posts.  Some one can't miss an opportunity for a mean personal, as hurtful as possible attack to go by. You know how it is here.

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I don't think Sunshine meant it in a nasty way.  I almost posted the same thing and didn't mean it in a nasty way.  It's just that with all the talk of "gift grabs", some may have perceived your announcement as such even though it was not your intention.

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thank you @VanSleepy

i did not mean it in a nasty way at all......

and as i said, i have never heard the term "gift grab" until i saw it on these forums.

[chickenbutt]

I would think that an announcement COULD be done without it being a gift-grab.

If I were to do it I would definitely put on there (something like) - ' no gifts will be accepted'.    Or maybe something expressed that sentiment plus that any gifts will be donated to the needy - or something like that.  

I cannot imagine doing an announcement anyway, but I DO see why some folks would.   I just cringe at the thought that most people would receive it and feel obligated to send a gift.   I would be positively mortified if something like that generated a gift.

[Deanie]

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@RazorSharp wrote:

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@Deanie wrote:

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@missy1 wrote:

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@Ms X wrote:

What will they think of next?

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Virtual wedding. Just send in the gift.

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Great reply.  May I add to your thought?  Virtual wedding, virtual gift...send a picture of a gift you were thinking about sending. It is a Dutch gift giving opportunity, you pay for your own gift.( I am surprised a PC individual has not spoken against the obvious slight on the term "Dutch" ):

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No, even better - Just RSVP and insert a card with the website address of an item that they had on their registry, and tell them they can find the gift there, and pay for it themselves.  Since they sent a menu from the restaurant where they expect the guests to pay, I think this would be an appropriate gift.  

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Yes!!!!

[sunshine45]

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@151949 wrote:

@NYC Susan

I said earlier that I felt the OP's invitation wa a gift grab and should be treated as such. Then the nasty remarks like Sunshine 45's started from there. Apparently you missed some posts.  Some one can't miss an opportunity for a mean personal, as hurtful as possible attack to go by. You know how it is here.

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i am sorry that you misunderstood my remarks @151949.

again, i was making an observation and have never heard the term "gift grab" except on these forums.

[sunshine45]

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@NYC Susan wrote:

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@151949 wrote:

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@sunshine45 wrote:

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@151949 wrote:

There are many ways to have a wedding that is still classy and refined without having to go to the extreme of it being dutch. The obvious one is get married in the morning, have it at your home and have a tea,coffee, punch and just some assorted baked goods and cake. Essentially a tea party. I went to a very nice wedding once at a county park picnic grove, they had a keg of beer and assorted cold foods like sandwiches and potato salad etc. The invitation said - this is a picnic, dress appropriately. One of the best weddings I ever attended. Cake with coffee , tea and punch in the church hall after the ceremony is always nice. I know someone who had this type of wedding because the groom's family were a hoard of drunks so they did not want to have something where alcohol would be available.

My second wedding we had family only, very small affair at a restaurant then sent out announcements to about 150 people. Probably half of those who we sent announcements sent us a gift - not $$$ gifts - but momentos like crystal candy dishes and silver teapots. We got several beautiful picture frames which are still in use. We were surprized and thrilled by them all. On the announcement we put our new address and phone number and we received many congratulatory phone calls and visits as well. 

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my guess around here on these forums is is that some people would consider sending out 150 wedding announcements (and not being invited to the wedding) to be a "gift grab."......a term i have never used before.

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Well, we looked it up in Emily Post because we were not sure what the protocol was for our situation and that was what it said was the proper way to announce that a marriage had taken place. I suppose though, that you know what is proper way better than Emily Post.

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I don't think her point was that sending announcements is not the proper way to announce a marriage.  Of course it certainly is!   Her point, at least as I understood it, is that you certainly can't be surprised if people who get those announcements might feel a bit put out that they were not invited to the wedding and yet now they apparently are expected to send a gift.

Lots of people view announcements that way.  They feel they have to respond by sending something.  That doesn't mean it's not proper to send them, just that the reaction might not be as positive as you would want it to be.

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thank you @NYC Susan

that is exactly what i meant!

[sunshine45]

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@Mj12 wrote:

@sunshine45 wasn't "nasty" at all.

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thanks @Mj12 and thanks @Lipstickdiva !

[KALLIE]

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@sunshine45 wrote:

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@151949 wrote:

There are many ways to have a wedding that is still classy and refined without having to go to the extreme of it being dutch. The obvious one is get married in the morning, have it at your home and have a tea,coffee, punch and just some assorted baked goods and cake. Essentially a tea party. I went to a very nice wedding once at a county park picnic grove, they had a keg of beer and assorted cold foods like sandwiches and potato salad etc. The invitation said - this is a picnic, dress appropriately. One of the best weddings I ever attended. Cake with coffee , tea and punch in the church hall after the ceremony is always nice. I know someone who had this type of wedding because the groom's family were a hoard of drunks so they did not want to have something where alcohol would be available.

My second wedding we had family only, very small affair at a restaurant then sent out announcements to about 150 people. Probably half of those who we sent announcements sent us a gift - not $$$ gifts - but momentos like crystal candy dishes and silver teapots. We got several beautiful picture frames which are still in use. We were surprized and thrilled by them all. On the announcement we put our new address and phone number and we received many congratulatory phone calls and visits as well. 

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my guess around here on these forums is is that some people would consider sending out 150 wedding announcements (and not being invited to the wedding) to be a "gift grab."......a term i have never used before.

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It DEFINITELY sounds like a "gift grab" to me.

[Lipstickdiva]

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@NYC Susan wrote:

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@Lipstickdiva wrote:

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@Mj12 wrote:

I've never heard of this.  But I would have much preferred a dutch treat reception than the one we went to last Fall for a niece.  The bride's mother had the (bad) DJ make at least 3 announcements that guests could not go for 'seconds' of dinner, that there wasn't enough food for that. 

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Hahahaha.  I attended a wedding a number of years ago that was basically  a steak fry, which is okay.  But the bride made an announcement that they had alloted for 1 sour cream per person so if you took more than one (they were in those squeeze boxes), you were supposed to go put it back and everyone else should be sure to only take one!!!  ROFLOL  

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Sour cream???!!!!  Of all the things to skimp on!  

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My husband and I still laugh about that.  A few weeks ago we attended a charity steak fry and he took 2 pads of butter and I jokingly said "excuse me sir.  I'm going to need you to put that back. We only figured 1 pad of butter per guest."  LOL 

[Lipstickdiva]

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@151949 wrote:

@NYC Susan

I said earlier that I felt the OP's invitation wa a gift grab and should be treated as such. Then the nasty remarks like Sunshine 45's started from there. Apparently you missed some posts.  Some one can't miss an opportunity for a mean personal, as hurtful as possible attack to go by. You know how it is here.

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I think you are incorrect in how you took Sunshine's post.  I can guarantee you that there are people who would grumble about those announcements.    Some of them are in my family! 

Sunshine is not a nasty poster nor does she ever post personal or hurtful comments or attacks.  Ever. 

[sunshine45]

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@Lipstickdiva wrote:

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@151949 wrote:

@NYC Susan

I said earlier that I felt the OP's invitation wa a gift grab and should be treated as such. Then the nasty remarks like Sunshine 45's started from there. Apparently you missed some posts.  Some one can't miss an opportunity for a mean personal, as hurtful as possible attack to go by. You know how it is here.

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I think you are incorrect in how you took Sunshine's post.  I can guarantee you that there are people who would grumble about those announcements.    Some of them are in my family! 

Sunshine is not a nasty poster nor does she ever post personal or hurtful comments or attacks.  Ever. 

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@Lipstickdiva