Re: Dutch Treat Reception ???

bri20 · ‎03-10-2016

@sunshine45, that's exactly what a gift grab is.

vermint · ‎04-05-2010

i have relatives that I know of but have met maybe 6 times in my entire life. We send each other every important announcement and invitation of our lives and our children's lives (marriages, babies, graduations, etc). That is how we do it in our family. It's the only way I'd know who married who and how many kids they have lol!

@Mrsq2022 - My family is just the opposite with the cross-country group. We don't know those people and they don't know us! We have no contact except the occasional phone call from the aunts, we never talk to our cousins or even exchange Christmas cards.

Moonchilde · ‎05-23-2010

@Carmie wrote:
Anyone ever get "invited" to a Dutch treat reception? We just got a,wedding invitation for the ceremony at a church and a Dutch treat reception afterward.

This is new to me. We have been invited for coffee and cake type receptions that were very nice, but to be invited to a reception and asked to pay for your own dinner is just plain weird.

If I was close to the couple I might attend the wedding but pass on the reception. If not close - no way. Just Say No to tacky.

Life without Mexican food is no life at all

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Nataliesgramma wrote:
I was watching "Say Yes to the Dress" and a bride saw and loved a dress that was THOUSANDS over her budget. When they asked her how she was going to pay for it...she responded like a spoiled brat and said "I'll just cut people off the guest list"!!!

If I was invited to THAT wedding and saw that.....there would be no gift or attending from us....

So we know where her priorities are! Clearly, her dress is more important to her than people. That's such a foreign concept to me, I just don't understand it at all.

Sharing our joy with the people I cared about was the very best part of my wedding. If something in the budget had to be slashed in order to accommodate that, I would have done it without a second thought.

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

@sunshine45 wrote:
@151949 wrote:
There are many ways to have a wedding that is still classy and refined without having to go to the extreme of it being dutch. The obvious one is get married in the morning, have it at your home and have a tea,coffee, punch and just some assorted baked goods and cake. Essentially a tea party. I went to a very nice wedding once at a county park picnic grove, they had a keg of beer and assorted cold foods like sandwiches and potato salad etc. The invitation said - this is a picnic, dress appropriately. One of the best weddings I ever attended. Cake with coffee , tea and punch in the church hall after the ceremony is always nice. I know someone who had this type of wedding because the groom's family were a hoard of drunks so they did not want to have something where alcohol would be available.
My second wedding we had family only, very small affair at a restaurant then sent out announcements to about 150 people. Probably half of those who we sent announcements sent us a gift - not $$$ gifts - but momentos like crystal candy dishes and silver teapots. We got several beautiful picture frames which are still in use. We were surprized and thrilled by them all. On the announcement we put our new address and phone number and we received many congratulatory phone calls and visits as well.

my guess around here on these forums is is that some people would consider sending out 150 wedding announcements (and not being invited to the wedding) to be a "gift grab."......a term i have never used before.

Well, we looked it up in Emily Post because we were not sure what the protocol was for our situation and that was what it said was the proper way to announce that a marriage had taken place. I suppose though, that you know what is proper way better than Emily Post.

jonbon · ‎03-09-2010

@151949 wrote:
@sunshine45 wrote:
@151949 wrote:
There are many ways to have a wedding that is still classy and refined without having to go to the extreme of it being dutch. The obvious one is get married in the morning, have it at your home and have a tea,coffee, punch and just some assorted baked goods and cake. Essentially a tea party. I went to a very nice wedding once at a county park picnic grove, they had a keg of beer and assorted cold foods like sandwiches and potato salad etc. The invitation said - this is a picnic, dress appropriately. One of the best weddings I ever attended. Cake with coffee , tea and punch in the church hall after the ceremony is always nice. I know someone who had this type of wedding because the groom's family were a hoard of drunks so they did not want to have something where alcohol would be available.
My second wedding we had family only, very small affair at a restaurant then sent out announcements to about 150 people. Probably half of those who we sent announcements sent us a gift - not $$$ gifts - but momentos like crystal candy dishes and silver teapots. We got several beautiful picture frames which are still in use. We were surprized and thrilled by them all. On the announcement we put our new address and phone number and we received many congratulatory phone calls and visits as well.

my guess around here on these forums is is that some people would consider sending out 150 wedding announcements (and not being invited to the wedding) to be a "gift grab."......a term i have never used before.
Well, we looked it up in Emily Post because we were not sure what the protocol was for our situation and that was what it said was the proper way to announce that a marriage had taken place. I suppose though, that you know what is proper way better than Emily Post.

Well, yes, I must admit that I was wondering when one would send out announcements if your situation wasn't appropriate for doing so.

beckyb1012 · ‎03-09-2010

Anna Post — great-great-granddaughter of etiquette guru Emily Post and author of Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette — is here to help us answer this week’s question. Find out what she had to say below:

It’s fine to send wedding announcements to anyone you’d like, no matter the size of the wedding. The only people who wouldn’t get an announcement are those who received an invitation, regardless of whether or not they attended the wedding, as the announcement would be redundant.

It continued on in the article. Why not, we send out baby announcements, getting a diploma why not marriage. If you do not want to send a gift to any of these announcements you will not be arrested or even mocked. Just be thank you for are thought of in the midst of the celebrations.

"Live frugally, but love extravagantly."

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@vermint wrote:
@NYC Susan wrote:
@proudlyfromNJ wrote:
@151949 wrote:
I don't go to obvious gift grab weddings and this one is screaming gift grab.Send back the RSVP that you will not be attending and absolutely do not send a gift.
I don't know anyone who would have a "gift grab" wedding thank goodness. My friends are not like that.

Mine aren't either. I've never heard the term "gift grab" except on these forums, and I've never been invited to a wedding that ever - by the wildest stretch of the imagination - felt like a gift grab.

And I have been to a lot of weddings!!
@NYC Susan Oh, just give it time, lol! I received an invitation just 2 weeks ago to the wedding of my cousin's child...I've never met the cousin nor her child, and the wedding is across the country from me. The cousin's mother is my aunt--I've seen her maybe 6 or 7 times in the 50 years since we moved across the country. I call that a gift grab! I RSVP'd "no" (could do this online) and will not be sending a gift.

I don't need to give it time. I go to weddings often, all types from casual backyard to full-blown, all weekend affairs - in all parts of the US and beyond. I don't doubt that other people feel that invitations are gift grabs, but that has not been my experience at all. I've never been invited to anything (wedding, shower, birthday party, anything) that felt like a gift grab to me.

I also don't understand characterizing an invitation. It's an invitation, not a command performance and not a demand for a gift. If the couple means something to me and I'm able to attend, I give a gift and I go. If I would like to go, but can't, I send a gift. For me, it's as easy as that.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Lipstickdiva wrote:
@Mj12 wrote:
I've never heard of this. But I would have much preferred a dutch treat reception than the one we went to last Fall for a niece. The bride's mother had the (bad) DJ make at least 3 announcements that guests could not go for 'seconds' of dinner, that there wasn't enough food for that.
Hahahaha. I attended a wedding a number of years ago that was basically a steak fry, which is okay. But the bride made an announcement that they had alloted for 1 sour cream per person so if you took more than one (they were in those squeeze boxes), you were supposed to go put it back and everyone else should be sure to only take one!!! ROFLOL

Sour cream???!!!! Of all the things to skimp on!

SaRina · ‎04-17-2015

@NYC Susan wrote:
@Lipstickdiva wrote:
@Mj12 wrote:
I've never heard of this. But I would have much preferred a dutch treat reception than the one we went to last Fall for a niece. The bride's mother had the (bad) DJ make at least 3 announcements that guests could not go for 'seconds' of dinner, that there wasn't enough food for that.
Hahahaha. I attended a wedding a number of years ago that was basically a steak fry, which is okay. But the bride made an announcement that they had alloted for 1 sour cream per person so if you took more than one (they were in those squeeze boxes), you were supposed to go put it back and everyone else should be sure to only take one!!! ROFLOL

Sour cream???!!!! Of all the things to skimp on!

I suppose all the guests really soured on the occasion after that.