Do You get along with - Page 7

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@halfpint1 wrote:
He doesn't have a job--retired

Just my opinion, but I don't think it matters very much if he has a job or a wife or children. He's entitled to have his own life. Everyone is.

It sounds as though you have a pretty good relationship, but maybe there's too much closeness and that's what's leading to disagreements. Maybe he feels that you expect him to always be available to help you, on your schedule and on your terms. He needs to also have a life apart from you, whether or not he works and whether or not he's married. He should be free to fill his time and schedule his own life the way he wants to. His life shouldn't revolve around what you need done and how he can help you. And your relationship with him shouldn't revolve around that either.

You said he resents doing things for you, so he may be feeling taken advantage of and overwhelmed.

You are VERY lucky that he lives so close by. And that he calls you and helps you. Lots of people would give anything to have their grown children even in the same time zone. It's a precious relationship that you have, and I think if you give him some space and show some respect for his right to have an independent life, things might go a lot better for both of you.

Financialgrl · ‎03-13-2010

@tansy wrote:
As an only child I sincerely empathize with your son. It’s been suggested several times that you explore senior apartments, @halfpint1, where you will have company and activities when you want or need that.

Because of my experiences with my own mother, I am determined to not do the same to either of my sons. I am still relatively young but am exploring senior living options. It doesn’t make sense not to explore the options available now before there is a crisis.

@tansy Have no kids and am the oldest of 4 kids. Soon to be 65 and about 2 1/2 years ago I began to think about getting older and the options available. The perfect solution for me - I had a single family home built in an over 55 community (all single family homes here).

All snow removal and landscaping is done for us (part of the HOA fees). Lots of amenities and activities available each month at the clubhouse. Most homes here are owned by women. At many of the get togethers at the clubhouse - most women say they came here with the idea that they "can age in place" and this location is closer to their kids/grandkids. A few women moved here bc either they or their husbands began having issues - we are not real far from DC and good medical care. ALso, sadly, if you lose your spouse this is the perfect place to remain and your network of friends is already in place.

Kabella · ‎02-24-2016

@halfpint1 I am just assuming that when your husband was alive that you did not need the help from your son that you need now. You did say that you argue with him & feel that he resents you. We give our children love, caring all our lives & its heartbreaking when a Mother feels resentment from their child. He loves you & most likely feels overwhelmed and acts out which probably is not resentment. Have a heart to heart talk with him & it will become more clear to you & hopefully you both can come to an understanding. If you can afford it, you can hire an aid & your health insurance can sent you an aid also. Well Wishes!