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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,369
Registered: ‎07-17-2010

@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

Question for all the introverts (and semi-introverts, ha ha):

 

When you are enjoying your alone time, how do you feel about "sound"?      Do you prefer where you are to be quiet, or do you prefer "background noise" ?  (TV or radio) 

 

When I'm enjoying my solitude, even having the radio on seems like unwelcome "noise", and I'll keep it off.

 

What's your preference?   


@Tinkrbl44

 

If I'm trying to concentrate on something (like typing out this post), I definitely prefer no noise.  Most of the time I'm good with no noise.  When I'm in the shower or bath, sometimes I like a little music.  When I'm sleeping, I like to have music on, or the t.v. on very low volume.  



"Heartburn Can Cause Cancer" -- www.ecan.org
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,111
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@fitfuninformed wrote:

Being "alone" and being "lonely" are two completely different things. 


I totally agree! I love being alone...on those rare occasions when I have a chance to be. Even before I married years ago, I always insisted on having my own apartment. Friends were always trying to get me to be roommates with them. I treasure my time being alone. I never once felt lonely. However, I am an introvert at heart, and having my "me time" and peace and quiet is what recharges me.

A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal. ~~ Steve Maraboli
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,111
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@Marienkaefer2 wrote:

Being an introvert does not mean you are a loner.

 

I'm an introvert, yet I've had jobs where I've had to constantly communicate all day long with diverse groups of people.

 

I've had to make speeches to large groups of people on a regular basis.

 

I've had a wide circle of friends.

 

The difference is, at the end of the day, I needed to come home and be quiet and power down.

 

My weekends were very quiet after a particularly busy week. I remember friends, and even boyfriends getting annoyed with me because I wanted to have quiet weekends just puttering around the house.

 

I can't cram too many events into a certain timeframe.

 

Weddings and large parties give me agida, but I power through, then come home and collapse.

 

Long intense conversations are great, then I need to be left alone for 24 hours!  lol

 

I like and need my alone time.  But I don't think of myself as lonely.


Believe me...I totally understand. I really do not like long phone conversations or going out socially where I have to interact with others for hours at a time. People seem to think I enjoy the "fun," but it actually literally exhausts me.

A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal. ~~ Steve Maraboli
Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,781
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I am an extrovert, and always have been. I love people, and love being around people. However as I get older, I do love my alone time, my ME time! My husband and I have two grown daughters, and 3 grandchildren, that live about 2 hours from us, we see them very frequently and are so happy about that....We are now enjoying our time together after raising our daughters, and doing a little travel, and just spending time together doing things that we enjoy....My husband is not as outgoing  as I am, but he is pretty social and friendly, but he loves his alone time as well. We both still work, so aftger being around people all day, we like quieter evenings, but then we like busy weekends......We both also have big families, and get together with them often as well.......I too think there is a huge difference between being alone and being lonely........ 

Contributor
Posts: 29
Registered: ‎09-29-2013

I want to profusely thank Tinkrbl44, YorkieonmyPillow, and tansay to have reached out to me and actually put aside themselves to empathize with me and try and give me some advice. The advice from all have been mulled over in my mind for years. I have anxiety and loathe driving which is also a part of the problem. I have had countless sessions over the years with therapists and don't believe my talking with a therapist will solve anything. This is why I believe that if I just had friends that understand and don't give up on me and take it personally if that happens to be the day I can't muster going out. But most days I would love to. I have two sons and daughters in law and my Mom is infirmed and doesn't quite have a handle on things because of her age. My sons think I stay in because I want to even though I have cried and expressed to them how lonely I am. They don't visit, nor do they call me. My Mom is unable to be ambulatory and I can't have a normal give and take conversation with her. I just wish I had someone to hang in there with me and give me that push and I know I could do it!! Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart to the girls (I assume) that commented on my dilemma. You have no idea what it means to me!!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 43,413
Registered: ‎08-23-2010

@qvcalot wrote:

I want to profusely thank Tinkrbl44, YorkieonmyPillow, and tansay to have reached out to me and actually put aside themselves to empathize with me and try and give me some advice. The advice from all have been mulled over in my mind for years. I have anxiety and loathe driving which is also a part of the problem. I have had countless sessions over the years with therapists and don't believe my talking with a therapist will solve anything. This is why I believe that if I just had friends that understand and don't give up on me and take it personally if that happens to be the day I can't muster going out. But most days I would love to. I have two sons and daughters in law and my Mom is infirmed and doesn't quite have a handle on things because of her age. My sons think I stay in because I want to even though I have cried and expressed to them how lonely I am. They don't visit, nor do they call me. My Mom is unable to be ambulatory and I can't have a normal give and take conversation with her. I just wish I had someone to hang in there with me and give me that push and I know I could do it!! Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart to the girls (I assume) that commented on my dilemma. You have no idea what it means to me!!


@qvcalot

 

You're very welcome.  

 

Personally, based on our experience with our mother, I am speculating that your sons may have just lost patience because you refuse to help yourself ....  if this is how it looks to them.  (My mom resisted change but continued to complain about her situation.)   JMO.  Obviously, I could be wrong. 

 

I do hope you reach out to meet with a pastor or other spiritual leader in your community.    You need to start cultivating new friendships to make positive changes in your life.    If you don't know how, or don't have any ideas on how to get started, then you need someone who can give you some ideas for broadening your life.   

 

Bottom line ..... it's YOUR responsibility to cultivate friendships in your community .....  if you really want to.     

 

Hope you're having a good day!

 

 

 

 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,454
Registered: ‎01-13-2013

@Tinkrbl44  I don't get the impression she is refusing to help herself - she said she has done counselling many times.

Plus apparently she has anxiety issues.

 

In her situation, it's probably better to make online friends. That way, she doesn't have to worry about going out, driving, etc.

 

@qvcalot  Do you do Facebook? There are all kinds of groups on FB, where you can find company and like-minded folks. No doubt there is a group for caretakers, like you.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,394
Registered: ‎04-19-2010

@qvcalot wrote:

I want to profusely thank Tinkrbl44, YorkieonmyPillow, and tansay to have reached out to me and actually put aside themselves to empathize with me and try and give me some advice. The advice from all have been mulled over in my mind for years. I have anxiety and loathe driving which is also a part of the problem. I have had countless sessions over the years with therapists and don't believe my talking with a therapist will solve anything. This is why I believe that if I just had friends that understand and don't give up on me and take it personally if that happens to be the day I can't muster going out. But most days I would love to. I have two sons and daughters in law and my Mom is infirmed and doesn't quite have a handle on things because of her age. My sons think I stay in because I want to even though I have cried and expressed to them how lonely I am. They don't visit, nor do they call me. My Mom is unable to be ambulatory and I can't have a normal give and take conversation with her. I just wish I had someone to hang in there with me and give me that push and I know I could do it!! Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart to the girls (I assume) that commented on my dilemma. You have no idea what it means to me!!


@qvcalot anxiety is very debilitating and can keep one trapped when you really wish to connect. My mother had severe social anxiety for fear of being criticized (which was founded on circumstances in her 20s), so I do understand your situation. I also understand the anxiety of driving as I have some of this too. If you can find a nearby social event at a church or charity organisation that offers social gatherings, this might be a safe first step. It takes courage, but you :Smiley Happy ave already shown you have some by sharing your post. Do not give up on yourself! 

 

Regards,

SunValley

Contributor
Posts: 29
Registered: ‎09-29-2013

I do Facebook, which gives me pleasure, however, they are posts between friends and prayer requests mostly, which I respond to with prayer. I don't know where to search to find like minded people to converse with. As far as my family, you are right in the respect that they think I just won't flip that button and go find a friend. I don't complain, they just know that I don't like going out and I don't like to drive. As for finding a friend, at my age, also being female, real friends have been cultivated over the years. Being married for almost 30 years, ex was my best friend. We did everything together and I had no female best friend that I did anything with. Then divorce and work came along, no friends there either. You ladies know that your best friends are the ones you have been with for quite a while. Also, not to make an excuse, the town I live in are quite tight...if you didn't go to the local high school and have a commonality there, you are not welcome. Obviously, I went to the rival high school. I know that sounds crazy since we are so much older, however, people in this town are pretty snooty. I would love to join a local group that got together weekly, none are around. I went to a church several years ago to meet people, signed several sheets to go bowling, go out and eat, get together in many capacities, never heard back regarding one sheet. So I have tried...thus, this is my lonely which was the topic. Thank you few ladies for having the compassion for another person who truly IS lonely. God will bless you.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,829
Registered: ‎03-18-2010

@sunshine45 wrote:

i love being alone sometimes......and make a point to be that way as often as possible. i find it very helpful to maintaining peace and tranquility in my life. i live with four to six adults at any given time and it isnt always easy, especially when three of them are your children. LOL

 

i enjoy going out by myself to dinner or for drinks sometimes, getting away for a weekend or staying an extra day after everyone leaves, or just walking/shopping by myself.


I love being alone too @sunshine45. While I only live w my husband my family is over here a lot and I desperately NEED that time.

 

I have gone on vacation just by myself too and it was great. My husband did not understand that but he knows I am not like most girls and accepts that about me and I love that about him. I think vacationing by myself was great.

 

I was never a person that needed to be around people to feel good. I am a social creature for sure but I am also just as comfortable all by myself. 

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.
JFK